Allie's Blog IV: Revenge of Allie's Blog

[imallie]

Oh, and I forgot to share a story ... or non-story, I suppose, from this weekend. It maybe well be now that the non-story turned into the story, such as it is...

Nevertheless...

It was the baby shower for my niece (fine, my FAVORITE niece... I can admit this) on Sunday. I think I mentioned this, and how my niece said I was more than welcome to attend... but I passed.

Well, anyway, her mom is my oldest sister and the one I think is the "just right" amount of supportive. She teaches at a University so, no surprise. Her sisters-in-laws, however, are less progressive. Her husband, for example, I'm guessing is non-plussed. They are typically the part of the family that comes to our house for Thanksgiving... it'll be interesting to see if that happens or not. Won't be shocked if it doesn't, let's say.

Somehow it got back to us (I forgot how) that my sister wasn't rushing to share the news with her sisters-in-laws... but they heard from her other kids. No big deal. Nothing came of it.

Even so, heading to the shower, my wife expected to deal with some remarks or looks or ... something when they asked about me. (They, as all people do... love me, so normally they'd ask about me)

Well she came home from the shower and she was kind of agitated. I asked why. She said because NO ONE said anything at the shower. It was all pleasant. None of those sisters-in-law (there are three) asked about me at all, in fact.

She said: "I was really geared up for someone to say something, and ready to take them aside and go back at them... and now that they didn't I have all this pent up energy."

Bless her heart. ❤️

So like I said, it was a non-story. But I still think the non-story is kind of now the story.

Love,
Allie

[Lori Dee]

Bless her heart. ❤️

Yup. She's a keeper. 
 

[imallie]

Btw I don't want to dissuade anyone from doing the eyebrow electrolysis thing by indicating it was a tad painful. It's really a tremendous way to make a quick, permanent impact on your look for not a big expense. There are not many of these available.

In reflecting on it, it was closer to the discomfort of my Botox injections. But that is 40 shots in 10 minutes. This was however many in 90 in two small areas.  So it was a bit more intense. Still we laughed and chatted throughout the whole thing and I'd highly HIGHLY recommend exploring it with your hair removal professional if you are so inclined.

[Oldandcreaky]

I had my eyebrows done 40 years ago and have never regretted it.

[imallie]

Gosh, a few updates tonight that fall into the random category, I guess...

1st - we worked on a BB/BS (Big Brother/Big Sister) clothing donation tonight... three big bags and one box which constituted basically 90% of my remaining guy clothing. Kept some gender-neutral stuff (t-shirts, a few sweat shirts, some branded stuff from the college at which I worked/my alma mater... but that's it). And as my wife said, you know what this means? "You now have room for more shopping!" 

2nd - As we're getting ready for our big NYC trip (July 20-28) I'm trying to knock some things off my "to do" list... so I made an appointment for Monday morning at Sephora. A 75-minute ($75) one-on-one with a "makeup artist" tutorial called "Everyday makeup."
Supposedly they're really good, and you walk away with some nice free samples. I really don't imagine myself being much of a makeup gal... but if an expert shows me a) a basic concept of what I could do with my lips and/or eyes, b) what products/colors I need and c) how to do them? It's worth it. Or even if I decide I don't want to do any of that... having it all put on by a professional might confirm that fact for me, which is in and of itself valuable information.

3rd - speaking of our NY trip, we've had all the dinners booked for about 10 days, as well as our two broadway shows and our baseball game tickets... but we still need a few lunches and a few mornings/lunch times to fill/button up.

To that end, I was looking for an interesting experience last week... and thought I'd see if any TV shows were taping in the mornings. Would love to do the Tonight Show or Seth Myers, but we don't have an available evening... and we did John Oliver a few years ago and that was a great deal of fun, but our Sunday evening is already booked.

Well lo and behold I found one thing. You had to apply by writing a message to the producers saying why you wanted tickets. I said we were both big fans... long time watchers, and, coincidentally the guest (on the website) was listed as Cole Escola - the star of Oh Mary! on broadway... which we are seeing the night before!

Well, we found out yesterday that we not only got tickets, but we got the special "Priority" tickets which guaranteed us entry to... The View. 

Now.. the part about being big fans and long time watchers? We recorded the show the last two mornings. And counting those two shows? In the 27 years of the View, we have now seen...um.... yeah, two shows. We know/knew nothing about. Other than its Whoopie and some other progressive ladies talking politics mostly and I guess they have guests?

Either way, just for a lark... we've decided we are going. So... stay tuned. I guess literally.

Love,
Allie

[imallie]

By the way, for those interested... here's where we're eating so far on our trip:

Dinners:

Butter*
https://www.butterrestaurant.com/

Sushi Nakazawa*
https://www.sushinakazawa.com/

Kochi*
https://www.kochinyc.com/

Dirt Candy
https://www.dirtcandynyc.com/

Tatiana
https://www.tatiananyc.com/

Scarpetta*
https://www.scarpettarestaurants.com/location/scarpetta-new-york-city/


Lunches:

John's of Bleecker*
https://johnsofbleecker.com/

Le Gratin
https://legratinnyc.com/

Barbuto*
https://www.barbutonyc.com/

Los Tacos No. 1*
https://www.lostacos1.com/location/los-tacos-chelsea-market/

Manhatta*
https://www.manhattarestaurant.com/

*These are spots we're returning from a past visit/s.

We now still need to find a post "The View" lunch spot... so I'll get right on that.

The reason dinners aren't listed for every night is three days we'll be at baseball games (one is an early game so we will grab a late dinner afterwards)

oh and the two shows we are seeing:

Stereophonic
https://playbill.com/production/stereophonic-broadway-john-golden-theatre-2024

Oh Mary!
https://playbill.com/production/oh-mary-broadway-lyceum-theatre-2024

[davina61]

Ya girls sure know how to party!

[imallie]

Ya girls sure know how to party!

😂

Exactly! - this is absolutely our version of it ... not sure we're cool enough to handle ACTUAL partying. 😘

[Oldandcreaky]

Partying, schmartying. I attended an Ivy and one thing I loved about it was no partying. Sure, there was booze at every event, but no one drank too much, talked too loud, nor told the same story five times. Not one person.

[imallie]

Here one of instances where someone says one thing but their body is acting out an entirely different world view...

I finally caught up with an old friend. He was in the second wave of people to whom I came out, and he was incredibly supportive and wanted to chat... but we just haven't found time. We've tried a few times but it hasn't worked. I've felt bad about that, so this morning when I hopped on the treadmill I texted to see if he had time and he did.

He asked if I wanted to just chat or do FaceTime and I told him either was fine with me, and 10 seconds later a FT request popped up.

He said he had a meeting in 30 minutes and he needed to prep for 15, so unfortunately it would have to be brief. Well we chatted for like 29 minutes. It was mostly about him and what was going on in his life (you know, I'm bored with me... so I ask questions...)

But while originally he had said he "wanted to hear everything" I was kind of surprised he didn't say anything or ask anything. But that was fine. And if this was JUST a call, it would have been fine.

But since it was a FaceTime, I got to see something unique. In our 29 minute call, I think he made eye contact with the camera for about 30 seconds. He was forever looking off to the side, or up to the sky, or other parts of the room... I am sure he was checking his email for work but that is not this.  He was clearly uncomfortable looking at me.

Now, I am admittedly not much to look at. Plus I'm unshowered, my hair is back with a band, etc... so... I'm not at my best. But even so...


Anyway, the call ended and we kept texting about some stuff in the call. And it made me realize that he was oblivious to the fact that he was uncomfortable. Or at least to the fact that I knew it.

I started to text him an apology for making him uncomfortable... but that's REALLY passive-aggressive and also not very nice.

So I'm just going to let it lie.

What possibly is to be gained by saying something to him, other than to make him feel bad? And why would I care to do that to a friend?  Answer: I would not.

Love,
Allie

[Iztaccihuatl]

Is this new or has he done it in the past too (the looking aways thing)?

On my work computer, which is a laptop, I use an external monitor which is placed on the side. I usually use the external monitor as the primary one, since it is bigger. On video calls I often have the picture on the external one, while the camera is still on the laptop which makes it look like I am looking away when in fact I am not. So this might have happened with your friend.

[Oldandcreaky]

What possibly is to be gained by saying something to him, other than to make him feel bad? And why would I care to do that to a friend?  Answer: I would not.

It's clear why you have so many friends.

But since it was a FaceTime, I got to see something unique. In our 29 minute call, I think he made eye contact with the camera for about 30 seconds. He was forever looking off to the side, or up to the sky, or other parts of the room... I am sure he was checking his email for work but that is not this.  He was clearly uncomfortable looking at me.

I also admire you for ^this,^ for not applying five coats of Sherwin Williams varnish in the Pollyanna colors to your life's events.

[Oldandcreaky]

Is this new or has he done it in the past too (the looking aways thing)?

If anyone would know if it's new, it's Allie, who, as a former journalist and PR person, had decades of practice in paying attention and reading non-verbal communication.

[imallie]

If anyone would know if it's new, it's Allie, who, as a former journalist and PR person, had decades of practice in paying attention and reading non-verbal communication.

Yes, this is new. We've done FT before — come to think of it he's the only person I know who likes to do those — and he always makes the normal amount of eye contact.

[imallie]

It's clear why you have so many friends.

I also admire you for ^this,^ for not applying five coats of Sherwin Williams varnish in the Pollyanna colors to your life's events.

I've definitely had to recalibrate my radar a bit through all this... in fact I'm still tweaking it all the time... but this didn't take much to suss out. You'd REALLY have to have the extra dark rose colored glasses to not notice this.

But I did flush it right afterwards... well, after I came here and shared it. I don't think it was remotely intentional. I'm not even sure it was conscious. So what's the point of obsessing about it?

[Oldandcreaky]

o what's the point of obsessing about it?

What's the use of worrying?
It never was worthwhile.
So, pack up your troubles in that old kit bag
And smile, smile, smile.

[Sephirah]

He was clearly uncomfortable looking at me.

Are you sure, sweetie? To play devil's advocate here, maybe he didn't want YOU to feel uncomfortable by looking at you overly long. I wear sunglasses literally all the time outside, even when it's barely light. Partly because I have photosensitivity and sunlight gives me horrible headaches, but partly because I know that I have a somewhat penetrating stare and make people uncomfortable when I look at them. I've been told as much, repeatedly. Someone once went as far as to say "It feels like I'm being disassembled by a laser."

[imallie]

Are you sure, sweetie? To play devil's advocate here, maybe he didn't want YOU to feel uncomfortable by looking at you overly long. I wear sunglasses literally all the time outside, even when it's barely light. Partly because I have photosensitivity and sunlight gives me horrible headaches, but partly because I know that I have a somewhat penetrating stare and make people uncomfortable when I look at them. I've been told as much, repeatedly. Someone once went as far as to say "It feels like I'm being disassembled by a laser."

Dealing with what I deal with, headache-wise, I'm so very sorry you have to deal with those kinds of headaches. Knowing your trigger helps... but since your trigger is literally "the sun" it's not like you can so easily avoid it. I really empathize.

As for your thought that my friend didn't want to be caught staring inappropriately? I honestly don't think that's what it was... although I suppose that could be in the same bucket as "looking at me made him uncomfortable" -- it's just from a different motivation (him being self-conscious about it, rather than him being a bit unnerved seeing his long-time friend looking so different).

Either way, my guess is like with all things... with time we heal and grow. So next time he'll be better.

Had a friend tonight who posted about me on FB (well, in someone else's post he referenced me. It was funny and on point - and he called me by my new name (as he does all the time). He did in the post, misgender me, however.

As mentioned, he's been supremely supportive. He just invited me and the wife to he and his wife's 25th anniversary party -- even though I haven't seen him in person in, 10 years maybe?   Anyway... I started to post in response "10 points for the funny, -0.5 points for the gender".... and that would have been a cute response, for sure. But I think too it would have slightly embarrassed him. Does my NOT correcting him in the eyes of some mean I'm ok with the misgendering? Well, I hope not, but I'll take that chance I guess.

[Lori Dee]

I don't think not correcting means you are okay with it. I think it is more of a "silent forgiveness" of the offense. Some people get really triggered and some can look at it as if they are still learning. We each choose our battles and some are not worth the effort so we decline to engage.

[imallie]

I don't think not correcting means you are okay with it. I think it is more of a "silent forgiveness" of the offense. Some people get really triggered and some can look at it as if they are still learning. We each choose our battles and some are not worth the effort so we decline to engage.

Thanks Lori! To be clear, though ... I assumed everyone here would know I wasn't thrilled with the misgendering... I meant that I wondered how the FB crowd might take it.