Allie's Blog IV: Revenge of Allie's Blog

[imallie]

Had my first misgendering since... no, actually it was my first misgendering ever, technically. I mean since I began presenting as myself.

Although both my wife and I haven't quite parsed it, and there's sort of a positive spin to it. Even so, it gave me further empathy for those who actually deal with that. I would not like that. I don't care how confident I feel.

At the ballgame tonight, and we were already seated.  This guy and his party (his wife, and another couple) were late arriving and thus made those of us in our row have to stand up so they could get by.

As he got to me, he somehow hit my soda in the cup holder (we were in the front row of our section, so the cup holders were in front of us) and knocked the lid off as he was scooting passed.

"Oh sorry buddy!" He said, while looking down at the cup lid on the ground, and then he looked up and made eye contact with me and said "Oh excuse me! Ma'am!" And moved on.

Was it just because I was wearing sneakers that he said buddy? Or because I wasn't 110 lbs and wearing a skirt like his wife? (I had on women's shorts, a baseball shirt and a cap, with my hair pulled back on the sides... no make up.)

As I said, when he looked up he immediately read "Ma'am" and realized his mistake... but something pulled the initial "buddy".  I think I'm choosing to take the "no-makeup, two inches from my face, wearing a hat, he reads "ma'am" immediately as a win... and forget the first part. But even so, it was something that lingered the rest of the game.

I kind of wondered about it.

But now I've shared it, and I'm flushing it.

Love,
Allie

[imallie]

A quick post about our lunch. Ironically, these final two days of our trip (today — well, Friday) and Saturday... are all about "best of" eating. Not like our "greatest hits", i.e., are all-time favorite spots — although these are all places we've gone before, but instead of some of the high concept food we've been eating all week, these dishes are now simple and recognizable — but they are THE best versions of each one of them we've ever had.

Lunch was at Barbuto. It's owned by chef Jonathan Waxman, for those who have a collection of chef trading cards, his is a biggie.  😉

It's modern, California Italian (meaning lighter, simple, seasonal...not all heavily sauced stuff) cooking... from a master chef.

And every time we go, we get the exact same meal. And if I had to tell people to come to NYC and get one meal I would swear by? THIS would be that meal.

The Barbuto Kale salad, along with the roasted chicken and potatoes.  The dishes all have names — the salad is called the "Insalata di Cavolo"... the chicken is "JW Pollo al Forno", and the potatoes are just "JW Potatoes".  But they are so popular that "Kale salad, chicken and potatoes" is all anyone says.





What can I say about these dishes?

You know how Kale salads can be sharp? It can almost scratch your throat? This does not. It's somehow soft and luscious.

You know how chicken can often be a bit dry and/or tasteless without sauce? This is as juicy and tasty a bird as you've ever had. It ruins you for other chicken.

As for the potatoes? My Irish wife HATES potatoes. Hates them. I make killer mashed potatoes, if I do say so myself (as do countless others). She wouldn't eat them on a bet. Nor all but the skinniest of French fries, and only those on occasion. Nothing else. In any form.

Except these. She loves these. Loves them. I have learned to kind of make a version at home... and she will eat a few of them, just in hopes of capturing a bit of the magic of these.

Like I said. Nothing fancy. Salad, chicken, potatoes. But 12 hours after we had this lunch, I'm already craving it and thinking about next summer when I get to have it again.

[Oldandcreaky]

Chicken, taters, and salad would be my kind of meal too. Your pics and descriptions made them so inviting.

As far as being misread for a sec, I think a lot about what cues us into gender. My height is my Achilles heel, for I have observed how I'll sometimes read distant, tall women as male and distant small men as female, until proximity delivers contrary clues. Your outfit was gender neutral and the softness of your wife might have had him quickly concluding that yours was a husband and wife pairing, as is the most common coupling. If that's what he assumed, then you were stuck with the husband role.

I too was misgendered yesterday. It happens about once a year and I always hate it, but unlike Maid Marion with her pink tops and pretty skirts, I don't do much of anything to avoid it. I was wearing olive shorts, a gray t-shirt, and a desert tan baseball cap with a North Face logo. I'm also flat chested, so I don't signal "female" in the obvious ways. When you add my towering height to my gender-neutral clothing, I'm lucky it doesn't happen more often.

[imallie]

Chicken, taters, and salad would be my kind of meal too. Your pics and descriptions made them so inviting.

As far as being misread for a sec, I think a lot about what cues us into gender. My height is my Achilles heel, for I have observed how I'll sometimes read distant, tall women as male and distant small men as female, until proximity delivers contrary clues. Your outfit was gender neutral and the softness of your wife might have had him quickly concluding that yours was a husband and wife pairing, as is the most common coupling. If that's what he assumed, then you were stuck with the husband role.

I too was misgendered yesterday. It happens about once a year and I always hate it, but unlike Maid Marion with her pink tops and pretty skirts, I don't do much of anything to avoid it. I was wearing olive shorts, a gray t-shirt, and a desert tan baseball cap with a North Face logo. I'm also flat chested, so I don't signal "female" in the obvious ways. When you add my towering height to my gender-neutral clothing, I'm lucky it doesn't happen more often.

Sorry you dealt with and deal with that.

And yeah I think the theory about my wife makes sense. He passed her first and had to say "excuse me" to her directly ... so assuming what would follow would be a husband is pretty dated, but understandable. 

[Lori Dee]

Your outfit was gender neutral and the softness of your wife might have had him quickly concluding that yours was a husband and wife pairing, as is the most common coupling. If that's what he assumed, then you were stuck with the husband role.

This was my take as well. He was just trying to get past you, so not looking except maybe peripherally. Then looking directly at you, realized his error. Not really misgendering, just a mistaken assumption.
Glad it is being flushed.
 

[Oldandcreaky]

And yeah I think the theory about my wife makes sense. He passed her first and had to say "excuse me" to her directly ... so assuming what would follow would be a husband is pretty dated, but understandable. 

Yeah, and since that guy was the hero of his story, he was paying the merest attention to you and perhaps running software ("pretty dated") written in 1967.

Sorry you dealt with and deal with that.

Not often. He was an octogenarian with a bent back and slow step, so I didn't bother to correct him, as Time alone challenges him enough.

[davina61]

Wearing my work gear I get mistaken, black  work polo and work trousers and boots do not help. Fine even wearing jeans and trainers with a nice top, got told by the lady from flat 3 (the ones that cant drive and have 3 cars for 1 parking space, grrrr) that I looked lovely . just some tinted face cream, splash of rouge and a dust of powder and lippy.

[imallie]

Yeah, and since that guy was the hero of his story, he was paying the merest attention to you and perhaps running software ("pretty dated") written in 1967.

Not often. He was an octogenarian with a bent back and slow step, so I didn't bother to correct him, as Time alone challenges him enough.

Yup. Time wounds all heels. 

[Oldandcreaky]

Time wounds all heels. 

Ha! Ironically, I encountered him again this morning and on his second try, he read me as female, the difference being my hair was down and my thick, shiny hair is admired by many. It's shiny because I don't do anything to it. No blow-drying or coloring or curling. So, it shines like young women's hair.

[imallie]

Final day here in NYC (leaving in the morning). I'll discuss things out of chronological order because one topic is simply more interesting/imporant.

After our third ballgame in three days, we got all gussied up and met my wife's nephew and his husband for dinner at a favorite restaurant of ours in midtown - Scarpetta.

They're a wonderful couple. Her nephew's story is his own to tell, but I will simply say this... he was really excited when I came out, and immediate said something that indicated to us that this topic was not exactly foreign to him. Tonight at dinner we talked some about electrolysis, and other things... and well, whatever is next for him will not surprise us.

I will say this - nothing makes me happier than knowing that whatever he decides to do, he now not only has a real-life example of "living your best, authentic life" (as he described me tonight — he also said "gorgeous"... but modesty prevents me from mentioning that. Oh... wait.. 🤔😉), but he also has a resource should he have any questions. Whether he ever needs to use that or not, I feel good knowing he has no doubt I'd be there for anything he needed.

———-

Ok, so today's final food report.

As mentioned, we're doing "greatest hits" now... meaning, the best version of common dishes — but really uncommonly good quality.

To begin, for lunch we grabbed tacos at Los Tacos No 1. It's a little taco stand in Chelsea Market that gets ridiculously long lines all day once 11:30 AM hits... so we also go at 11 AM when it's manageable.

They have opened a few other spots around city, including a new one not far from Penn Station where we stay... and since we had a busy morning, we decided to try that location instead of walking 20 minutes to the original.

They were still amazing. But maybe 10% less so. Or that could be in our heads.

Nevertheless...



What you're seeing here are, on the left, a pair of Adoaba (marinated pork) tacos on flour tortillas ($5.25/each), and on the right Pollo Asado (grilled chicken) tacos ($4.95/each).

You can get the tacos on flour or corn, and "everything" is onions, guacamole, cilantro, and salsa.  We tend to get flour, and everything but onions... but that's us.

They're spicy (a bit) but the meat and everything is incredible fresh and delicious. They are made right in front of you (with amazing speed, I might add). I've had tacos all over the country - Texas, New Mexico, California, etc... and these are by far the best. And it's not like you're breaking the bank either. Cheap and fantastic.

Dinner — a bit different. Scarpetta is very famous for one dish in particular - their spaghetti. It's just spaghetti. On the menu it is listed as just that: Spaghetti, with the subtext line of "Tomato, basil."



No cheese either. The waiter doesn't come over and ask if you'd like cheese on it. It comes under a cloche, and when the server lifts it up and you get that first faceful of the aroma — it's heaven.

I do not order pasta out... except this. I, admittedly, am a pasta snob. I think it's mostly over cooked, or over sauced, or simply lacking in flavor and not worth paying for at other places.

But here — every time. And I've seen it on several TV shows where chefs list "the best thing I've ever eaten"...and this spaghetti is the dish they mention.

And speaking of mentioning? I failed to mention this - the dish is $36.

I know. For spaghetti. And not, as you can see, a giant Olive Garden-sized bucket of it or anything.  Just this single portion.

All I can tell you, is that after the first time I got it, I never once ever flinched at the price It's worth every penny.

I swear.  If you get to try it sometime (or you have!) let me know if you agree!

Love,
Allie

[Sephirah]

Brits would flinch at that, lol

We have fish and chips in Harrods, from a michelin star chef... it's £32 ($41). You get a tiny little fish, and literally a tiny cup containing 8 chips (fries). 8! But it's "famous"! Apparently it's massively underwhelming. I've never been so flush with cash that I've thought to even try it but... one tiny blob of something on a plate, for an obscene amount of money... it goes against every fibre of my northern British sensibilities, lol.

[Lori Dee]

Allie, I am so happy that you are in the perfect position to be an ally for your nephew. Maybe the reason your transition has been so relatively fast and smooth is to prepare you for this exact moment. And I think you are the perfect person for the job. You are awesome!

OK, the food was cool too. 

[Oldandcreaky]

he also has a resource should he have any questions. Whether he ever needs to use that or not, I feel good knowing he has no doubt I'd be there for anything he needed.

And what a resource you'd be, Allie, given your ability to communicate. Plus, your wit and humility would grease the skids of the learning sled.

Allie, does that serving of spaghetti fill you? I would eat it soooo slowly to savor it.

Also, what is the origin of their sauce? I eat pretty basic food, but my pizza sauce is only Pomi because I think Italian tomatoes are superior. However, England's tomatoes are extraordinary too. I lived for a few weeks on tomato soup in various pubs in England.

However, I once made my own tomato sauce and it was as good or better than both England's and Italy's commercial sauces, but it was a lot of work. I did it on a day in the 90s and cooking those tomatoes made it even hotter.

Was it the sauce that pushed that spaghetti over the top? Or do they also somehow manage to make a far superior pasta? If so, how is their pasta superior?

[imallie]

And what a resource you'd be, Allie, given your ability to communicate. Plus, your wit and humility would grease the skids of the learning sled.

Allie, does that serving of spaghetti fill you? I would eat it soooo slowly to savor it.

Also, what is the origin of their sauce? I eat pretty basic food, but my pizza sauce is only Pomi because I think Italian tomatoes are superior. However, England's tomatoes are extraordinary too. I lived for a few weeks on tomato soup in various pubs in England.

However, I once made my own tomato sauce and it was as good or better than both England's and Italy's commercial sauces, but it was a lot of work. I did it on a day in the 90s and cooking those tomatoes made it even hotter.

Was it the sauce that pushed that spaghetti over the top? Or do they also somehow manage to make a far superior pasta? If so, how is their pasta superior?

Believe it or not, many times I cannot finish it.(Last night I did!). I sent our son a pic and said "I had to finish this myself - since normally he could reliably get something else and count on a few bites of my spaghetti.

As for The secret?

The chef, Scott Conant, who originally owned the restaurant and is the creator of the dish was often interviewed about it.  Sometimes making it live.
From what I recall, he ascribed the quality to, among other things - the quality of his tomatoes, the fact that he peels his tomatoes before making his sauce (respect!), and the way he undercooks the pasta and then finishes it off IN the sauce, so it so perfectly adheres. There was more but those are the things I remember.

[Oldandcreaky]

Believe it or not, many times I cannot finish it.(Last night I did!). I sent our son a pic and said "I had to finish this myself - since normally he could reliably get something else and count on a few bites of my spaghetti.

As for The secret?

The chef, Scott Conant, who originally owned the restaurant and is the creator of the dish was often interviewed about it.  Sometimes making it live.
From what I recall, he ascribed the quality to, among other things - the quality of his tomatoes, the fact that he peels his tomatoes before making his sauce (respect!), and the way he undercooks the pasta and then finishes it off IN the sauce, so it so perfectly adheres. There was more but those are the things I remember.

I observe that two of his three tricks are tomato-centric. A ripe, fresh tomato well-prepared can be the superhero of many dishes. I like his last trick of finishing the pasta in the sauce. Do you grow tomatoes, Allie? I have four plants in raised beds, a long with cucumbers, various peppers, two kinds of blueberries, two kinds of red raspberries, black raspberries, asparagus, and various herbs. My fruits and veggies are bonkers because they receive about ten hours of direct sunlight, plus they grow in fertile soil.

FWIW, I've seen Scott Conant on TV.

[davina61]

I have some of mums home grown tomatoes picked this morning, they are all split so going into my chicken tray bake I made the other day. Now it will be proper tomatoey. So of my curry recipes say peel the toms, in a bowl and boiling water does the trick!

[imallie]

I observe that two of his three tricks are tomato-centric. A ripe, fresh tomato well-prepared can be the superhero of many dishes. I like his last trick of finishing the pasta in the sauce. Do you grow tomatoes, Allie? I have four plants in raised beds, a long with cucumbers, various peppers, two kinds of blueberries, two kinds of red raspberries, black raspberries, asparagus, and various herbs. My fruits and veggies are bonkers because they receive about ten hours of direct sunlight, plus they grow in fertile soil.

FWIW, I've seen Scott Conant on TV.

Yes he's on food network a lot.

It's really equally the sauce and perfectly cooked pasta. It's. Just. So. Good. ❤️

I don't grow anything. But I'm always threatening to, if that means anything. Our current home has a big fenced in yard (we have an inground pool, so the fence isn't for privacy it's for safety). But we basically host a wildlife sanctuary so I've never thought I'd get anywhere with a garden.

But I would like it and I sure admire the green thumb brigade.

I'm guessing I may have shared some part of this in the past but it bears repeating here -I grew up in the most amazing garden.

My grandfather (came over from Italy, fought for the US in WWI and stayed - but not before sending for his arranged wife - my grandma (she was 18, he was 31!)

Anywho... the garden. His house in the Italian section of Hartford, CT had a chainlink fence surrounding his yard. He built an archway on which he grew white and red grapes, and was big enough that the large table and 8 chairs could sit underneath it.  So it was the center piece.

His vegetable patch was huge.  You could (as a kid) hide in it. Tomatoes, lettuce, all manners of herbs (I particularly remember the smell of the basil) and lots more.
He had a fig tree. He had a cherry tree with a hammock. You could climb into the tree, lie in the hammock and eat cherries.
He also had two pear trees.

As he got older (he passed at age 99) it paired down. The fruit trees took incredible care in that environment. But he kept the veggies and grapes going til the end.

Oh ... and yeah, I was named after him.

So yes, I'd like to have a garden some day. 😘

[Lori Dee]

I would love to have a garden like that!

I was slowly building one at my home in IL. I had a large vegetable garden area on one side of the backyard. Near a large maple shade tree, I made a Butterfly Garden area. Up near the house, I had a Scent Area with honeysuckle, lilacs, and English lavender. Then I made a small pond with a rock waterfall. It was barely a foot tall, just enough to get the babbling brook sound.

The town had an ordinance that prohibited fencing in the front yard (I don't know why). So I planted a hedge and let it get six feet tall before starting to trim it. Then I lined the side and backyard with Siberian Elms. If you let them grow, they will become trees. But if you keep them trimmed, they make a nice hedge/wind-break.

I was in the process of remodeling the inside of the house when Bank of America stole the house from me during the mortgage crisis.

[imallie]

I was in the process of remodeling the inside of the house when Bank of America stole the house from me during the mortgage crisis.

That is so awful Lori. I can't imagine going through something like that. You must be so strong to have gotten through it.

[Lori Dee]

I fought them in court for two years before being out-maneuvered with legal loopholes. I filed a complaint against the judge, to no avail. Just one of many reasons I left IL for good. No regrets.