Quote from: Oldandcreaky on April 25, 2024, 10:27:58 AMAgain and again, as in your last post, I can see why your family is so supportive. They don't want to lose you because you're top tier. I pity your brother, I truly do.
Thanks on all counts.
My brother, though... that is an entirely separate kettle of fish.
We were close growing up... he was that puppy-dog little brother type. There's a gap between us of like seven-years, the same gap, ironically, between me and the youngest of my older sisters.
Anyway, all was fine and then sometime after 9-11 things changed with him (he lived in NYC). I am the only one who sort of pinpoints it to that, no one else really concurs, but only because it's gone so off the rails since.
He married a lovely girl, one of which we all approved and loved (and liked!) very much. Got a rescue dog which they treated like a child, you know, like some people do. Nothing odd there.
Then he became a vegan. A MILITANT vegan. Like he wouldn't come to anyone's home if you were NOT a vegan. He would send us "how could you?" Emails. That kind of militant. Very much the "no zealot like a convert" school.
That morphed into these arguments about money with my parents, mostly because by becoming so militant he wasn't working ... or maybe he was? He got really mysterious about his jobs. He got mysterious about everything.
We went and visited them in the city when our son was young, and when he went to walk the dog, his wife, in the hushed tone of a hostage, told us that "he will be ok, he will come around" and then clammed up when he returned. It was kind of chilling.
He stopped coming to holidays. Once we decided to make the entirely of Christmas Eve vegan just for him, and he didn't show. Wow was everyone grumpy THAT night.
He was our son's godfather, but even so... when we'd send him birthday cards, or christmas cards, they started coming back "return to sender".
It just got worse and worse.
Last time I spoke with him was at birthday party for my dad. His 80th I think? He showed up, he and went outside, had a nice 30 minute conversation, although it was kind of awkward too as I was trying really hard not to push any buttons. But I thought it went well.
Well a few years later we heard, I think through his wife's dad that they were not only pregnant but had a baby.
And I decided that I just wanted him to be happy. And if, for him, happy meant we weren't in his life, then I would respect that. So I don't think we sent anything when the baby was born.
I believe that is the great crime of which I am held to account. (But I don't know for a fact).
Years later, he showed up at my mother's death bed. He, his wife, and the dog. I went over to hug him, and he said "if you're waiting for hug, you can wait for the rest of your life."
A bunch of the nephews and nieces were right there and there was a gasp. My wife looked like she was ready to kill him. I just put my hands up, shook my head, and walked away.
He showed up at my folks funerals, but he didn't sit with the family. Wasn't part of the eulogy... didn't come to the reception afterwards.
He did, a few times, bring his daughter up to see my parents. There were all sorts of rules to the visit. One or two of my sisters were there.
A couple of them do try to reach out to him from time to time. But he often then sends awful, hurtful letters back.
I long ago decided that I literally do not have the mental capacity for such hate in my life. If, however, he knocked on my door right now, I would welcome him in, and offer him a hug.
Both my wife and son think that's crazy, but that's how I feel.
So yeah... that's my brother.
