Courtney's life begins here, redux

[Jessica_Rose]

I always love to hear good news! I hope you surgery goes well, and congratulations on finding a new home!

Love always -- Jess

[Gina P]

I will miss our days fishing and hanging out too. As far as your neighbors, how many know and support you where you live now? You will make new friends and I will visit once and a while. The media tends to paint a gloom and doom picture that is not always true.
That house sounds great and near the water, I have to say I'm a little envious.
Your friend 
Gina

[Courtney G]

I will miss our days fishing and hanging out too. As far as your neighbors, how many know and support you where you live now? You will make new friends and I will visit once and a while. The media tends to paint a gloom and doom picture that is not always true.
That house sounds great and near the water, I have to say I'm a little envious.
Your friend
Gina

I will, as well, Gina. You know you're always welcome at the new place - I hope you'll come and visit.

I've joined an area LGBTQ+ Facebook group and had a couple of IM conversations with queer people who are local to my new home. This gives me hope. The nearest proper town is about 20 miles away but there is a small community there I hope to hook up with.

This move is pretty scary to me. I've never lived outside of the state in which I was born. On the other hand, I didn't want to live out the rest of my life without experiencing a proper change of scenery. And living next to water has been a lifelong dream.

I can't overstate my excitement about my upcoming cosmetic surgery. Less than 2 weeks from now, I'll eschew my big Italian nose, with its distinctive "bump." It will be replaced by a slender, more feminine version, which will be long like my long face. What will I look like? Will this help "flip the switch" that seems to keep me from seeing the version of myself I dream about when I look in the mirror? My hair is thicker and longer, but still short and my dark facial hairs are almost completely gone. Replacing my very male-looking nose feels like the missing puzzle piece that's required to put Courtney together. How will my partner react to my changed face? Will she "get it?" Will she understand that it's what I need? Or will she be put off by it? We're closing on the house a few days after my surgery and it would be nearly impossible to pull out of the contract. I doubt she'd want to, but the thought does cross my mind.

Finally, I had this thought today. Perhaps it will benefit others. If you:

• Always thought it would be nice to be a girl (or boy, if you're afab)
• Fantasized about being the opposite gender, but don't necessarily feel "trapped."
• Focus on one or more things, but not necessarily everything. Like, if you just wish you had the body of your preferred gender, or wish you could wear the appropriate clothes for that gender

...you're more than "trans enough." You don't need to reach a certain "level" of desire or to be unable to function without transitioning or desire bottom surgery to be trans. You're possibly already trans, even if you wonder if just feels like some sort of envy. It's a feeling only you can define, possibly with the help of a therapist and/or some reading on the subject.

[Lori Dee]

Finally, I had this thought today. Perhaps it will benefit others. If you:

• Always thought it would be nice to be a girl (or boy, if you're afab)
• Fantasized about being the opposite gender, but don't necessarily feel "trapped."
• Focus on one or more things, but not necessarily everything. Like, if you just wish you had the body of your preferred gender, or wish you could wear the appropriate clothes for that gender

[/list]

...you're more than "trans enough." You don't need to reach a certain "level" of desire or to be unable to function without transitioning or desire bottom surgery to be trans. You're possibly already trans, even if you wonder if just feels like some sort of envy. It's a feeling only you can define, possibly with the help of a therapist and/or some reading on the subject.

Well said, Courtney.

I am glad you found a group near your new home. That can be a big help as you transition to a new neighborhood. Of course, you will always have your fans here too!

After I had surgery on my eyes, with stitches and bruising, I thought, "What did I just do?" I noticed tiny flaws in things I asked the surgeon to address that seemed unchanged. After I healed up, I could see the difference. The surgeon knows with relative certainty what the end result will look like. For those going through it, we see the bruising and swelling. As you heal up, you will notice more and more that you got the look you wanted and because it will be a gradual process of healing, others will become accustomed to it. I wouldn't worry too much about that.

Keep us informed on how you are doing, and pictures of your new place, if you wish.

Wishing you all the best!

[Northern Star Girl]

@Courtney G
Dear Courtney:
I really enjoyed reading your recent updates.  I am excited for you regarding your new home in
a very small rural town.  As you may be aware, when I relocated to Alaska I ended up in a very
small rural town that is hours away from any kind of larger town with shopping malls and doctor offices.

The good and the bad news about living in a small town is that everyone knows you and you will
find that you will eventually know about just about everyone else. 

I look at this as a positive thing as I have found complete acceptance here.
The key for me was to get involved in some local civic activities and local clubs where I could
meet and greet local people and eventually make new friends and acquaintances.  Because I established
my new woman owned business as a CPA and Financial Advisor... I dressed and acted accordingly as
a respectable woman.  I did not shove my trans-woman status in anyone's face. 
In my early HUNTED PREY blog thread that is all described at the beginning of that thread.
      https://www.susans.org/index.php/topic,236395.msg2123029.html#msg2123029

I am wishing you well with your new home and living your life as Courtney in your new town.
Please keep your updates coming... along with your other avid followers I will be eagerly reading your
continuing story.

Many HUGS,
Danielle [Northern Star Girl]

[Courtney G]

Thanks, Danielle and Lori, for reading along and chiming in. Knowing that someone is following helps to make this worthwhile. Lori, I will post a pic or two of the new place soon, I promise!

I would like to be out as me in the new place, would like to just land there as Courtney. But my partner isn't quite ready for that. So if I do, some of the community will know me as "that dude that became a girl" or whatever they decide to call me. I just hope that the people who don't support me leave me alone. I hope I find the strength to paddle around the shore of the bay in a suitable top.

My rhinoplasty is tomorrow and I'm excited and a bit worried. I'm worried that I won't see "her" after it's done. A nose can transform the look of one's face. Will this do that for me? 2 1/2+ years of HRT has done a lot, as has my hair transplant. But I worry that it won't be enough to give me a fighting chance. I've thought about putting makeup on several times over the past few weeks but haven't really felt excited about it. I feel that it's a half-measure, that I need my new nose first. Has anyone else felt that way?

Holy moly, did those laser sessions work on my face! I've only had two sessions and I'm only seeing a few dark hairs left - I mean almost none. This is a good thing because I might not be able to get back there after next week's session. I found out about a reputable electrolysist in Philly who happens to be a trans woman, so I hope to make several trips into the city to have her work on the many gray hairs that remain.

Regarding the move, I've been very busy with packing and preparing and expect to start loading a POD late next week. Then the real fun begins: cleaning and painting. And so much more packing. I've been selling some items and will be donating some furniture, but there's just so much. As an aside, I've donated a lot of clothing. Most of my men's slacks just won't fit around my waist and butt, and many of my shirts don't work with my newly configured chest. It would be great to have more clothes that flatter my shape rather than de-emphasize it. Oh, well.

[Lori Dee]

That would be nice to start fresh as Courtney. New place, new life. Hope your partner sees how that could benefit both of you, instead of starting fresh and then shifting gears later.

Good luck with the rhinoplasty. I think that once the swelling and bruising heals you will see Courtney more than ever.

Hugs!

[Courtney G]

That would be nice to start fresh as Courtney. New place, new life. Hope your partner sees how that could benefit both of you, instead of starting fresh and then shifting gears later.

I'd consider that, but I have to proceed at a pace that suits both of us. As my hair grows out and my nose heals, I hope to get back to dressing a bit and maybe take some trips to the closest cities (Wilmington, DE, Baltimore, MD and Harrisburg, PA). I've already located a few peeps in the Baltimore area, thanks to Discord.

My nose surgeon follow-up isn't until Wednesday but I'm proceeding as instructed, which includes a saline rinse of the inside of my nose. I now know why it was so hard to breathe - two giant pieces of bio-dissolvable packing came out and air went rushing up the newly cleared passages. I'm hoping for a better night's sleep tonight!

Sleep will be a good thing, since we're closing on the new home tomorrow. I have a moving container arriving on Thursday and have many boxes packed, so we're going to start loading the container this week. A lot of old furniture will be donated. I have a lot of work to do on my home to prep it for sale. Even in this seller's market, certain expectations must be met if I want a quick sale.

[Jessica_Rose]

Glad to hear your surgery went well!

Moving is always an interesting experience. You'll find things that had been 'missing' since your last move, and other items you don't even remember. Sometimes you'll just pack them up again, and they won't be seen until the next move.

I understand your desire to make a fresh start, that's one of the reasons Susan and I moved a few years ago. However, I think keeping your partner happy is very important. You can always relocate, but finding someone who truly cares for you is often quite rare. I hope everything works out well.

Love always -- Jessica Rose