Sara's Wild Ride (Part II)

[TXSara]

Hi Rachel!  Yes, I'm OK...

I have been keeping a low profile because there are some things I have said in the past (usually regarding relationships) that I later regret putting out there for the entire world to see.  I need to be better about finding that middle ground.  Somewhere between baring my entire soul (and the souls of those around me) and going radio silent is the right place to be! 

I'm now a little past the 3-month point post-GRS, and I'm very happy with the results.  I had a couple weeks recently where my dilations were pretty difficult, and I had my local doctor take a look last week.  She noted a little more granulation tissue and got after it with some silver nitrate.  I'm doing a lot better now.

One very significant thing in my life is that my ex-wife is about to move out of the house.  There is no animosity on either side, although living together had become a bit toxic.  She is worried to death about the financial side of this, and I am for her as well.  It'll also be a bit of a problem for ME financially, since the $$ I give her in child support won't be coming back to me anymore as "rent / bills".  My oldest wants to stay with me, and my ex isn't going to make her go.  My youngest is fine with the 1 week on / 1 week off setup that is in the divorce decree.  It will definitely be a major life change, and I'm feeling that even though the divorce was final well over a year ago, this is really making it FINAL.

I continue to spend time with the person I mentioned quite a while back as someone who really does a great job of tempering my anxiety.  We're just really good friends, and sometimes that's what you need.  It's not like I can "do" anything right now, anyway!! 

I'm also continuing my therapy with Dr. Torres, and she has been helping a lot with all of the different things going on in my life.  Between GRS, the toxicity in my house leading to Kristin's departure, and navigating the dating scene, she has had her work cut out for her.  I think I'm doing pretty well with everything that is going on, and I don't really feel much of the "transgender self-loathing" anymore.  It's nice.

OK, enough for now --

~Sara

[ChrissyRyan]

I hope everything in your life becomes good, warm, clear, safe, and satisfying for you.

Try to keep a positive attitude.

Chrissy

[LoriDee]

Sara,

So glad you are doing ok, but sad to hear you are going through a rough time. It will be another transition of sorts. It will be stressful for sure, but I am glad that the situation is not one of animosity. The fact that the children are included in this process will be very good to help them adjust, and that could help you adjust as well.

We are all here to offer whatever support we can. Please check back occasionally to let us know how things are going, as much as you are willing to share.

Chin up, Sister. You got this.

Hugs!

[Northern Star Girl]

@TXSara
Dear Sara:
OK, Sara ... you have me concerned.
You have not updated your Blog thread for 2 weeks now... and you have not
logged in and posted for a week.

The rest of your avid followers and I are starving for an update or new
posting from you.

I hope and trust that you are OK and staying healthy and safe...
Of course you can always feel free to private message me anytime.

HUGS, and my best wishes to you as you continue on in your journey.
Danielle [Northern Star Girl]

[davina61]

Yes spill the gos dear!

[TXSara]

Ha!  I'm fine, no worries!  Here's the latest...

Kristin decided about a month ago that she needed to move out.  It was time, she needs to spread her wings, and our relationship had gotten a bit toxic.  She got the keys to her new place on May 31st, and we moved the last of her stuff today.

The girls are going to do one week at each place, and I'm planning on keeping the house.  It is definitely bitter-sweet, but it's the right move.  I'm excited to get more quality time with the girls, and I'm also excited to decorate the house how I want to!

There were a lot of tears today for both of us, and I think we'll actually be closer now that we're no longer living together.  She's a good person, and I totally get why she couldn't stay married to me.  Truthfully, I'm glad that we divorced because I have enjoyed getting my independence back.

Hope you guys are doing well, and I'm sorry for being away so long!  It has just been a very busy time with work, Kristin's move, and of course DILATION!  Ugh... I am so sick of having to do that 3 times a day!!  I get to drop down in August, but that's still a long way off! 😡

~Sara

[Northern Star Girl]

@TXSara
Dear Sara:
Reading your last posting.... I can't help but feeling both sad and happy for you.
Transitioning can be a rough road especially for married couples, and you certainly know that first hand.

Hang in there girl, I am wishing you happiness and success
as you continue on in your journey.

Many Hugs,
Danielle [Northern Star Girl]

[TXSara]

Well, tonight will be the first time since the girls were born that I have been in my house without at least one of them there.  They go to their mother's place today, and they'll be there for the next week.  It's not like I'm constantly interacting with them while they're here (they ARE teenagers, of course), but it will still be very weird not having anyone at the house when I come home from work.

Luckily, the person I have been seeing lately is turning 50 early next week, so I'm going to have my weekend filled up with 50th birthday shenanigans with her and a lot of her old friends.  I'm looking forward to it!

I think the big loser in all of this is going to be my dog, Duncan.  He isn't really used to having to be alone, and all of a sudden 3 of the 4 people who used to be in the house are gone.  I'll have to lock him up in the laundry room a lot while I'm gone, and it kills me to have to do it.  I can't really leave him outside all day because he gets too hot out here in the Texas heat.  Poor stinker.  I'll just have to love on him before I leave and when I get home.

~Sara

[Jenn104]

Well, tonight will be the first time since the girls were born that I have been in my house without at least one of them there.  They go to their mother's place today, and they'll be there for the next week.  It's not like I'm constantly interacting with them while they're here (they ARE teenagers, of course), but it will still be very weird not having anyone at the house when I come home from work.

Luckily, the person I have been seeing lately is turning 50 early next week, so I'm going to have my weekend filled up with 50th birthday shenanigans with her and a lot of her old friends.  I'm looking forward to it!

I think the big loser in all of this is going to be my dog, Duncan.  He isn't really used to having to be alone, and all of a sudden 3 of the 4 people who used to be in the house are gone.  I'll have to lock him up in the laundry room a lot while I'm gone, and it kills me to have to do it.  I can't really leave him outside all day because he gets too hot out here in the Texas heat.  Poor stinker.  I'll just have to love on him before I leave and when I get home.

~Sara

Hey Sara-- this resonates. I had to do this particular part of transition 15 months ago. It's ok to admit it sucks because it does. You also do the antidote instinctively-- stay busy and engaged. I'd say do like me, but training for a distance cycling event is a kind of extreme in hindsight.


Enjoy the 50th party. I hear everything is bigger in Texas so I am sure it'll be fun.

~Jenn

[Jessica_Rose]

When you're used to have others around and suddenly they're gone, there is an emptiness that can be difficult to overcome. Although they aren't really 'gone', you still feel their absence, knowing that things will never be what they once were. It will take time for the emptiness to fade, so it's good that you have something to celebrate, someone relatively new in your life. After all you have been through, it's just one more step towards your new life. You got this, and we're here to help if you need us.

Love always -- Jess