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Bad jokes and puns

Started by davina61, January 10, 2024, 04:21:02 AM

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ChrissyRyan

A duck went into the restaurant and ate a lot.  He said to put the expenses on his bill.

Chrissy
Always stay cheerful, be polite, kind, and understanding. Accepting yourself as the woman you are is very liberating.  Never underestimate the appreciation and respect of authenticity.  Help connect a person to someone that may be able to help that person.  Be brave, be strong.  A TRUE friend is a treasure.  Relationships are very important, people are important, and the sooner we all realize that the better off the world will be.  Try a little kindness.  Be generous with your time, energy, wisdom, and resources.   Inconvenience yourself to help someone.   I am a brown eyed, brown haired woman. 
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MaryT

Customer: The takeaway down the road only charges $2 for a steak roll.

Takeaway manager: Well, why don't you go back there?

Customer: They ran out of steak.

Takeaway manager: We only charge $1.50 for a steak roll when we run out of steak.
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MaryT

There's a bar I think I'll avoid.

A friend was with with some of his pals when a barmaid came to take the order.  My friend said "I'll have a lager and please make sure that the glass is clean."

After a little while, the barmaid returned with a tray of drinks.

"Who wanted the clean glass?", she asked.
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    The following users thanked this post: Lori Dee

ChrissyRyan

Quote from: MaryT on November 08, 2024, 05:27:49 PMThere's a bar I think I'll avoid.

A friend was with with some of his pals when a barmaid came to take the order.  My friend said "I'll have a lager and please make sure that the glass is clean."

After a little while, the barmaid returned with a tray of drinks.

"Who wanted the clean glass?", she asked.


Yes, I would avoid it also!

Always stay cheerful, be polite, kind, and understanding. Accepting yourself as the woman you are is very liberating.  Never underestimate the appreciation and respect of authenticity.  Help connect a person to someone that may be able to help that person.  Be brave, be strong.  A TRUE friend is a treasure.  Relationships are very important, people are important, and the sooner we all realize that the better off the world will be.  Try a little kindness.  Be generous with your time, energy, wisdom, and resources.   Inconvenience yourself to help someone.   I am a brown eyed, brown haired woman. 
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Paulie

A rope goes into a bar, sits at the bar and orders a beer.  The Bar tender look at him and says "we don't serve your kind in here.  So the rope leaves the bar.
 
The next day the rope goes back into the bar and tries to order a beer.  The bartender say "I told you we don't serve your kind in here, get out".  So the rope leaves the bar again.

The following day, the rope is real thirst and really wants a beer.  So he twists up into a tight loop and unravels himself at end.  He then he goes back into the bar. He sit on a bar stool and orders a beer.
 
The bartender pours a beer, turns around and sets in down in front of the rope.  He then stops and says "Hey aren't you that rope".  To this the rope replies "Frayed Knot!" 
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davina61

What do you get if you cross a sheep and a kangaroo?   A woolly jumper
a long time coming (out) HRT 12 2017
GRS 2021 5th Nov

Jill of all trades mistress of non
Know a bit about everything but not enough to be clever
  • skype:davina61?call
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Lori Dee

What word starts with "F" and ends with "UCK"?

FIRETRUCK!

What were you thinking?
My Life is Based on a True Story
Veteran U.S. Army - SSG (Staff Sergeant) - M60A3 Tank Master Gunner
2017 - GD Diagnosis / 2019- 2nd Diagnosis / 2020 - HRT / 2022 - FFS & Legal Name Change
/ 2024 - Voice Training / 2025 - Passport & IDs complete
  • skype:.?call
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Lori Dee

What do you get when you cross a rhinoceros with an elephant?

Elefino
My Life is Based on a True Story
Veteran U.S. Army - SSG (Staff Sergeant) - M60A3 Tank Master Gunner
2017 - GD Diagnosis / 2019- 2nd Diagnosis / 2020 - HRT / 2022 - FFS & Legal Name Change
/ 2024 - Voice Training / 2025 - Passport & IDs complete
  • skype:.?call
  •  

ChrissyRyan

You crack me up, and I am not even an egg.

Oh maybe I am as an nerdish egghead. 

Chrissy
Always stay cheerful, be polite, kind, and understanding. Accepting yourself as the woman you are is very liberating.  Never underestimate the appreciation and respect of authenticity.  Help connect a person to someone that may be able to help that person.  Be brave, be strong.  A TRUE friend is a treasure.  Relationships are very important, people are important, and the sooner we all realize that the better off the world will be.  Try a little kindness.  Be generous with your time, energy, wisdom, and resources.   Inconvenience yourself to help someone.   I am a brown eyed, brown haired woman. 
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    The following users thanked this post: Lori Dee

davina61

An Australian farmer talking to an Irish farmer, it takes me all day to drive across my land and the Irish farmer says I had a car like that once!
a long time coming (out) HRT 12 2017
GRS 2021 5th Nov

Jill of all trades mistress of non
Know a bit about everything but not enough to be clever
  • skype:davina61?call
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    The following users thanked this post: Lori Dee

MsLeigh

Why don't you see rhinoceros' hiding in trees??

They are really good at it!  ;)  :D


Leigh
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    The following users thanked this post: Lori Dee

ChrissyRyan

I have not seen any rhinos in trees but there have been some in the US Congress.
Always stay cheerful, be polite, kind, and understanding. Accepting yourself as the woman you are is very liberating.  Never underestimate the appreciation and respect of authenticity.  Help connect a person to someone that may be able to help that person.  Be brave, be strong.  A TRUE friend is a treasure.  Relationships are very important, people are important, and the sooner we all realize that the better off the world will be.  Try a little kindness.  Be generous with your time, energy, wisdom, and resources.   Inconvenience yourself to help someone.   I am a brown eyed, brown haired woman. 
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Sarah B

I used to be a baker, but I couldn't make enough dough.
Be who you want to be.
Sarah's Story
Feb 1989 Living my life as Sarah.
Feb 1989 Legally changed my name.
Mar 1989 Started hormones.
May 1990 Three surgery letters.
Feb 1991 Surgery.
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Sarah B

I told my wife she was drawing her eyebrows too high. She looked surprised.
Be who you want to be.
Sarah's Story
Feb 1989 Living my life as Sarah.
Feb 1989 Legally changed my name.
Mar 1989 Started hormones.
May 1990 Three surgery letters.
Feb 1991 Surgery.
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Sarah B

I'm done, I'm out of here. Guess I'm really clocking out for good!
Be who you want to be.
Sarah's Story
Feb 1989 Living my life as Sarah.
Feb 1989 Legally changed my name.
Mar 1989 Started hormones.
May 1990 Three surgery letters.
Feb 1991 Surgery.
  •  

ChrissyRyan

Quote from: Sarah B on November 12, 2024, 08:36:51 PMI'm done, I'm out of here. Guess I'm really clocking out for good!

Clock back in.  You are timeless and timely.

Chrissy
Always stay cheerful, be polite, kind, and understanding. Accepting yourself as the woman you are is very liberating.  Never underestimate the appreciation and respect of authenticity.  Help connect a person to someone that may be able to help that person.  Be brave, be strong.  A TRUE friend is a treasure.  Relationships are very important, people are important, and the sooner we all realize that the better off the world will be.  Try a little kindness.  Be generous with your time, energy, wisdom, and resources.   Inconvenience yourself to help someone.   I am a brown eyed, brown haired woman. 

Sarah B

Why don't skeletons fight each other?


Because they don't have the guts!

Hugs
Sarah B
Be who you want to be.
Sarah's Story
Feb 1989 Living my life as Sarah.
Feb 1989 Legally changed my name.
Mar 1989 Started hormones.
May 1990 Three surgery letters.
Feb 1991 Surgery.
  •  

Sarah B

Why did the scarecrow win an award?



Because he was outstanding in his field!

Hugs
Sarah B
Be who you want to be.
Sarah's Story
Feb 1989 Living my life as Sarah.
Feb 1989 Legally changed my name.
Mar 1989 Started hormones.
May 1990 Three surgery letters.
Feb 1991 Surgery.
  •  

Sarah B

"I'm going to quit these puns while I'm behind... it's time to pun-ish myself!"

Hugs
Sarah B
Be who you want to be.
Sarah's Story
Feb 1989 Living my life as Sarah.
Feb 1989 Legally changed my name.
Mar 1989 Started hormones.
May 1990 Three surgery letters.
Feb 1991 Surgery.
  •  

Sarah B

"Alright, here's one more for the road... but this is the last one, I promise you, or my puns will be highway robbery!"

Hugs
Sarah B
Be who you want to be.
Sarah's Story
Feb 1989 Living my life as Sarah.
Feb 1989 Legally changed my name.
Mar 1989 Started hormones.
May 1990 Three surgery letters.
Feb 1991 Surgery.
  •