Bad jokes and puns

[MaryT]

<groan>  <giggle>  <rolling eyes>

Here's one I saw yesterday evening:

What has a small laugh in its middle.

Please tell us.

(Or have I missed the punchline?  It wouldn't be the first time.)

Thinking: Do I really have to spell it out?  Okay, if you insist.

Writing : W -HA- t

  I did, I missed the punchline  (again),
even though you gave us a clue by leaving out the question mark.

[MaryT]

One from school days, whats the difference between a tractor and a giraffe. One has hydralics and the other has high b--------
I will leave that for you to work out!

That reminded me of one I thought up myself while watching a natural history programme many years ago, although I'm sure that every other viewer thought it up at the same time.

Q: How do giraffes have sex?

A: With difficulty.

[Lori Dee]

That reminded me of one I thought up myself while watching a natural history programme many years ago, although I'm sure that every other viewer thought it up at the same time.

Q: How do giraffes have sex?

A: With difficulty.

They are good at "necking". 

[davina61]

How do hedge hogs mate, very carefully. One I saw  on FB from Australia. What borders on madness? Canada and Mexico.

[D'Amalie]

Rut-ro, Shaggy!

[MaryT]

From the Beano website:

What does Scooby Doo say at the end of grace?

Ramen!

[davina61]

Do you know the difference between a post box and a horses backside?   
Not sending you to post my letters!!

[ChrissyRyan]

Experienced nurse to new nurse: 

"I know this is your first time to give an immunization and you may be concerned. 
Just give it your best shot."

[Lori Dee]

In another thread, there was a discussion about Worcestershire Sauce. Do you know how it got its name?

There was a local restaurant that was well-known locally for the best-tasting food around. The chef was a master at making complimentary sauces for a variety of dishes. The owner decided to invite a famous food critic to sample some of their local favorites.

The critic was quite pleased with one particular sauce and asked, "What's this here sauce?"

Of course, they couldn't call it that, so they changed the spelling a little. 

[MaryT]

In another thread, there was a discussion about Worcestershire Sauce. Do you know how it got its name?

There was a local restaurant that was well-known locally for the best-tasting food around. The chef was a master at making complimentary sauces for a variety of dishes. The owner decided to invite a famous food critic to sample some of their local favorites.

The critic was quite pleased with one particular sauce and asked, "What's this here sauce?"

Of course, they couldn't call it that, so they changed the spelling a little. 

It took me a while but I got it, I think.  Now chilli, that's the ,,,,

[Lori Dee]

It took me a while but I got it, I think.  Now chilli, that's the ,,,,

I think the pronunciation is likely different across the pond.

"British and Americans are one people separated by a common language." 

[davina61]

WE say worester as in wores  teer .
 And on local radio a comic said he enjoyed sprouts to much over Christmas but they made him fart but in our house we say trump. Wife said I cant stand the sound and smell so took the dog for a walk, there I was walking along trump, trump ,trump only the last ones wasnt a trump. Yes I did a Donald in my pants.

[ChrissyRyan]

If a cat would throw out new trash from her car, would that be kitty litter?

[ChrissyRyan]

Two hats were hanging on a hat rack in the hallway.
One of the hats said to the other: "You stay here; I'll go on a head."

[MaryT]

More edifying pomes
From Ruthless Rhymes for Heartless Homes:

          WASTE
I had written to Aunt Maud,
Who was on a trip abroad,
When I heard she'd died of cramp,
Just too late to save the stamp.

          FATHER
During dinner at the Ritz,
Father kept on having fits,
And, which made my sorrow greater,
I was left to tip the waiter.

[MaryT]

For fans of olde jokes AND olde movies.  This one was popular in my high school more than half a decade ago.

Q: What do you call a man with a tree on his head?
A: Ed Wood.

Q: What do you call a man with two trees on his head?
A: Edward Wood.

Q: What do you call a man with three trees on his head?
A: Edward Woodward.

Wishful thinking and self-delusion.  It was actually popular in my high school more than half a CENTURY ago.

[ChrissyRyan]

Patient:  I hurt my arm two different ways this weekend.

Doctor:   Then do not hurt your arm in those ways!


Quite a bad joke.

[Lori Dee]

80% of the time when a doctor checks you for a hernia, they give you one.

[Jessica_Rose]

Going to the proctologist can be pain in the rear.

Love always -- Jess

[ChrissyRyan]

The wedding was really beautiful.

Even the cake was in tiers.