March 19, 2024
It's spring and while i've been absent here for six weeks, I've so many stories to tell.
It's spring, my favorite season and a perfect time to fly as the world wakes up from a cold and wet winter. 73F today.
So, where to start? I'm going to work backwards.
Kay's Birthday / Korean Spa Version
About three weeks ago, Trinh texted, inviting me to participate in a spa day with her and Kay. Apparently, last year, for Trinh's birthday, Kay took her to the same location in the Bay Area, about an hour from here, and they had a grand time.
Note that i'm going to be using exact quotes from our texts because i'm still a bit dazed.
I'd met Kay a little over a year ago, not getting to know Trinh for many months after. In the beginning, she'd attendi my Saturday doubles group during which we'd find time to talk a bit, definitely a slow beginning to a friendship. Nora would say that this is the best way for friendships to develop, that a too quick start to "best friends" is also the path to a quick ending, as it was with Yeng's friendship.However, i'm not good with slow so there were plenty of times i really wondered if anything would develop between the three of us.
It slowly did, although it wasn't until last fall that i began receiving invitations to attend her group parties at her house, a small band of friends who get together to eat and play games.
For some time, i wondered if all this was real, that these people actually liked my company and wanted to include me. During the last year or so, this group goes on adventures together, renting an AirBnB somewhere and spending a weekend together. I've yet to be included in these which led to my questioning whether I was really part of the group, I was still wondering in my year end post.
Several events seemed to confirm that Kay and Trinh really liked me and wanted me to be a part of their adventures. The first came about seven weeks ago when Trinh, who had become obsessed with TikToK dancing videos, asked Kay and me to take dance lessons. After some searching, we found a dance teacher and signed up for four lessons, all to help us learn a routine she'd found on TikTock.
Now, i've been scared of dancing my entire life, but because i'm doing my best to say "yes", i went along. The first lesson was a bit terrifying to me, but Trinh took me under her wing and slowly helped me learn the first steps.
In all, it was a fun experience with them.
And then three weeks ago, Trinh sent the following:
Hi girlfriend! Kay's bday is 4/16 and she would like to go to a Korean Spa for a massage and scrub down.
We went for my bday last year and they have you go in naked or bikini.
You get in the hot tub and/or sauna . Make one side, female the other side.
I'd like to take her back but wanted to see how you can join us?
Are you comfortable if we all wear bikini's.
But if you get a scrub down, do you want to do that or skip that or go to which side?
Is it all too much to navigate?
What do you think?
My reply: "My mind just exploded"
She followed with:
So, how will this go down? First time for you and us with you.
When they scrub us down, they go to the crotch. Lift your leg while you lie on your side and literally scrub you right up to your genital and anus.
I don't know if they've had any transgender ladies even.
But if not, would you like to go with us to just the spa, sauna and you can maybe do a facial while Kay & I get the scrub down?
What do you prefer?
You see where this is going, yes? My mind was swimming at this point.
Me:
Something to consider. Because I've transitioned so late in life, I really don't pass and it's common to be stared at every time I'm out. How would the other women in the spa react once they've seen me? Would that create a stressful experience for you and Kay on her special day? I'm just thinking this out.
Trinh:
The scrub down room is male & female at opposite ends of building.
But on the female side, the scrub rooms are all open and you get placed at whatever bed. There's one private in the end but the scrubber places us at whatever opens first. When they lift your leg, there is no way that they will not notice what you're tucking.
How should we prepare for this?
If I ask them tomorrow:
1) they may not approve b/c they don't know what to do.
So, maybe we should just keep it quiet and you join us in the hot tub & sauna only. Then you get a dry massage without getting a violated scrub down?
About a week later, as we were discussing Spa Day in a group text, i tried to gracefully back out:
I have some thoughts. First, i'm touched to be included in Kay's BD celebration and a special spa day with all of you.
Trinh had previously invited me and shared some of the details of what happens at the spa, beginning with a sauna or hot tub followed by a full body massage. She shared that you chose to go naked last time and gave details about the crotch wash.
Now, i've not had GCS (bottom surgery), so exposing that part of me is a bridge too far, so i was thinking about wearing a one piece bathing suit (which old gals like me would wear), but drawing it down to my hips during a massage, telling the attendant to avoid my crotch. I don't really care if you see my boobs. At the time, Trinh was talking about you guys wearing bikinis.
However, this experience is all about Kay, not me, and the last thing i'd want is to make any of you uncomfortable in my presence. I don't care if you're naked but i'm happy to do something else if you might feel any discomfort or embarrassment in my presence. Like i said, this is about Kay.
I'd love to participate particularly if we'll be gossiping during the massage season, but i'm ok doing something else during that portion of our session..
They wouldn't have it, suggesting that I wear a full swim suit for the sauna / hot tub and then they'd be nude for their massage and i'd get a "dry massage" wearing my suit.
Curious, i went to the spa's web site which mentioned that no swim suits were allowed in the sauna or hot tub.
Oh.
At this point, it's still several weeks until Spa Day, but my anxiety is growing to the point where i can't see this happening. I love them both, but this is about Kay's birthday, and i'm afraid my presence will make it more about me.
To be continued.
Laura
