Sarah B's Story

[Northern Star Girl]

@Sarah B
Dear Sarah:
I very much enjoy reading your 2 Blog threads.... "Sarah B's Story"  and your "My Epiphany" Blog.

I am so very glad that you finally can have Internet and now you can use your computer
instead of your phone for posting on the Forum. 

Oh, tell me more about your new home out in the country far away from the big city rat-race.
As you are aware, I live out in the middle of nowhere, far from the big cities... on long
cloudless nights here in the winter, it offers a spectacular and very bright view of the stars
and the universe ... with NO light pollution that big cities have.
we often have the Aurora Borealis (Northern Lights) that light up the night with beautiful
displays of dancing colors.

Where your live can you see the Southern Lights (Aurora Australis) on a frequent basis? 
I am sure that would depend a lot on your location's Southern Latitude. 

My town's Latitude is at 64 degrees North not to far from the Arctic Circle which
is 66 degrees North Latitude.... so the Aurora is sometimes almost directly overhead
and is visible often.

As always, I eagerly look for your postings all around the Forum.

HUGS, and more HUGS
Danielle

[Northern Star Girl]

My back yard view of the night sky Aurora Borealis display a few nights ago!!!

   

[Jessica_Rose]

My back yard view of the night sky Aurora Borealis display a few nights ago!!!

   

If I didn't freeze at temperatures below 64F (18C), I would love to be your neighbor. I think in Alaska that means I would live anywhere from 5 - 10 miles away from you. I have always wanted to see the 'Norther Lights', and maybe one day I'll get up there.

Love always -- Jess

[Sarah B]

Hi Danielle and Everyone

Thank you for taking the time out especially on a Sunday night, where you could be doing the things you like to do.  Instead you chose to read my posts particularly, Childhood Memories, Awakening and My Epiphany and the chance to read the fourth instalment, that is coming soon.  I wish with all my heart they, will help you and others in your journeys.

There is another story called Sarah's Therapy Journey, but I will be including it in "Sarah's Race to SRS, along with My Epiphany.  So at this present stage there will be three stories, with other posts embedded that encapsulates my journey, from the time I arrived in Sydney, "Feb 1989 to the time I finally had surgery in Feb 1991.  Just an after thought, the story I'm putting together seems to be very long in my mind, so I might put it into two parts.  I will see how it goes and decide from there.

I'm doing this story for several reasons and they are as follows:

• To provide knowledge for others that visit Susan's Place, to enable them to complete their own journey in their own way.  Why?  Because when my journey began, there was virtually no information to help me.
• To write a novel, novelette or a book on my personal journey and maybe publish it.
• To present these stories in book form to a psychologist that specializes in transsexuals and provide them with information and knowledge about me and to find answers as to why I never suffered and other questions that I have not figured out yet.  Anyway that's for the future on what I might do.  Not that I really need to see a psychologist.
• Personal satisfaction.

Brisbane is a recognizable place that others will know about, which is the city of Queensland and its latitude is 27.470125S.  I'm located north of Brisbane so in effect, its a shame I cannot see the Southern Aurora Borealis, however to compensate I have high quality images of the Aurora's as background images on my computers.

The distance from Brisbane to my new place is 200km or about 2 hours drive.  The property is off grid for everything except power.  The property is 16ha, it has a shed, a demountable,  outside toilet and shower.  Did I tell you I'm living it rough?

One of my brothers lives a further 100km away and he has two shipping containers and has converted them to into living quarters and created a space between them as well, everything there is off grid completely.

I have a similar property next to his and I will be downsizing and living off grid there in the next couple of years.  So talk about getting away from the rat race, at the moment the property is a weekend getaway. 

However, I will in the future consider putting solar panels on the roof, where I'm at the moment, but that is a future project.   The sky for the last week has been cloudy and briefly last night after visiting the dunny, I looked up found the two pointer stars and the southern cross, drew me some lines in the sky and found where south was located.  Such joy one can have from simple pleasures.

The clarity of the stars was beyond measure compared to the rat race, NO light pollution of course.  I'm glad I made the move peace, calmness and serenity, no noise from cars or people yelling and of course real pitch black nights.

Long time ago when we used to camp under the stars.  Lying in the causeway (a very low road with water running over the top) we looked up at the stars and saw thousands of them, a memory etched in my mind forever and of course the occasional shooting star.

What more could you want?  Well the only things I must have is milk, swimming pool, internet, a book to read (I'm reading the "Crest of the Peacock" and your Chronicles) and of course something to crochet, I won't mention the other thing I need!

Well I think I have said enough for the time being and it's nearly time for bed I have to get up early tomorrow morning for my trip to another town with a big swimming pool.

Take care and wishing everybody a nice morning, afternoon or evening whatever time of the day it is for you.  Apologies to the "Truman Show".

Love and Hugs to Everyone
Sarah B

[Sarah B]

Hi Danielle

You remind me of of very beautiful lady called Danielle De Barbarac, who I loved very much.  Now the question you should ask yourself is why would Sarah, make such an association?  When I was looking after my mum, I was working as a swimming instructor as well as a lifeguard.

I would talk to the children and at the same time I would play a game with them, find out what their names were at the beginning of the swimming term.  So one child would say "my name is Lucy" and I would reply "Lucy in the Sky With Diamonds" a famous Beetle song, another child would say "my name is Robert" and I would reply "are you Robert de Niro?", a famous actor and so on and so on.

Well what are you waiting for?

Always with love and hugs
Sarah B

[Sarah B]

Hi Karen

When I read your post, I said to myself I must reply to you.  However, with moving and making other posts I forgot about you.  So please accept my sincere apologies for neglecting you.

I found that many endocrinologists(and MDs in general) have no clue about about dealing with long term post-ops.

My mum's doctor, who I told him about my medical condition and my current doctor who practices at the same medical centre who does not know about me.  Do not know, as you say about the long term treatment of us.  I know, I asked the Dr who knew about about me and he said, no I don't, except for basic blood and other similar tests.

I have only ever had two endocrinologists and both had experience in our medical condition.  Finding a current endocrinologist, will depend on the new GP that I have seen and of course has already written a referral for me to see a gynecologist, so two referrals to see an endocrinologist and a psychiatrist (if I need one for the future) who deals with our medical condition is a good start in my opinion to further a relationship between patient and doctor.

This is why I sought a specialist General Practitioner (GP)in this area, one that has experience, because I do not think my current Dr has that knowledge and at the moment I do not feel comfortable in telling him.  I know I have a real issue in telling anyone about me. I guess its one of the fundamental flaws of my character and I guess I love that flaw.

I live and work in the suburbs.

I have always worked in the 'suburbs' and that is never going to change, by doing so I never have any problems per se.

Way back when I first started HRT my first endo was over an hour's drive away in a different metro area, as that is the endo my therapist recommended... She was rather conservative in her treatment so when after I was post-op I was still not getting much results I felt I had to make a change.. So I found another endo  through the 'community"  in another state (over 2 hour drive) that was willing to be more aggressive.

As mentioned above I only have ever had two endocrinologists, both who knew about our medical conditions, it did not matter where they were located, I would have made the effort to see them regardless.

I never worried about my breast size, or about them, except when they first started to grow I noticed them now and again, until I forgot my inserts one day.  I virtually had no breasts maybe 18A and after that I never worried about my breasts and after 35 years my breast size is now 18C or maybe 20C.

My initial drug regime was depo provera and premarin and maybe because of the initial hormones and time I have ended up with my breasts being the size that they are now.

I was never given any hormone prescription by my first endocrinologist, he just monitored my levels and gave me a surgery letter to boot.  The second endocrinologist, I saw after my surgery and I was not taking my hormone tables regularly and I thought going down the pellet implant was the way to go.  However I only had two implants and in the end I reverted back to taking progynova tablets.

But over the next 10ish years nothing changed ... and I went off HRT for several years.

For several years even I was not taking hormones.  However, the body needs hormones, it does not matter which type it just needs them for a healthy body, bone density being one in the case for us females.  So I will take my hormones regularly and they are the only tablets I will take.  I do not take tablets unless, they are absolutely necessary.

Both of those endos had a lot of experience with TSes as they were from days before there were Endocrine Society Standards of care for  T*s and few handled them.

Never heard of the Endocrine Society Standards (ESS) and to me they sound like gate keepers to me.  I will admit I'm naive about hormones. 

There are only two things that concern me and they are, one my estrogen levels, which I want them to be around the average cycle level of other females second I want to make sure that my testosterone level is below the level of what other female levels are, any higher and I will go berserk, they did enough damage to me for the first 30 years of my life and they will not do any more damage to me if I can help it.

About 5-6 years ago I decided to restart HRT. But in my 60's I was not up do driving over 2 hours each way for a half hour appointment...  I had the choice to go to a clinic in the city which was the regional center where  the vast majority of T* in the area are referred to these days...

I like driving and I have been doing it most of my life sporadically.  That is I travel long distances around Australia.

I will avoid any 'communities' like the plague, even then that is putting it mildly, I value my privacy and once bitten twice shy, was enough for me.  Susan's is the only 'community', where I feel safe and secure.

But even though it was only about 10 miles away, going into and out of the city the traffic is horrendous, parking hard to come by and expensive... Overall it would mean taking a least half a day of from work for an appointment... and I really did not want to go to a place where all going in would be assumed to be T* (even though, or maybe because, after all these years I'm still readable)...

Again, I like driving and I will avoid any and all 'communities'.  One would be readable, the minute you walk through the door regardless of how well you pass.  One person in their would say, who is that person, oh they must be one of those.

So I decided to go to a very well respected suburban medical center instead, that was MUCH quicker to get to and would have no parking hassles.

I'n finally getting to the point of all this now after giving my background info! )

The endo's I saw/see there (even one who is close to my age) obviously had no experience with long term post-ops by the questions asked and test ordered.. I am pretty sure they were just following the endocrinology society guidelines... And those are geared towards those just transitioning.

In general the approach of endo's from the "old days" was much more individually tailored and based on experience than what I am finding now, and few have experience with long term post-ops ... I think many, from at least my era or before, have tended to find other ways than go to T* centers after awhile to get medical support (My GP would not do it)

- Karen

Do I really need an endocrinologist in my life now? more than likely not.  however if the need arises then I will take the time and effort to see one.

Hopefully this new Dr who specializes in our 'medical condition' will become my long term Dr and the information on the ESS that you mentioned I will certainly keep it in mind and ask my new Dr about this society.

She is most certainly intrigued by my history and I know this from a referral letter she wrote to a gynecologist I will be seeing in the near future, who will, I believe will examine me downstairs and other than my boyfriends no one, even me has seen my vagina since my surgery.

Other than a privacy issue in regards to this letter, which I will discuss with the new Dr.  The referral letter for the gynecologist  was handled by the medical receptionist, In other words I may have been outed indirectly and I'm not happy about it one bit.

Take care and look after yourself

Love and Hugs always
Sarah B

[ChrissyRyan]

Sarah,

I hope all your computer gear and Internet access is working at the best of its capabilities.

I was reading about the differences of wallabys and kangaroos.  I think I want to be a safe distance from them, perhaps just in a zoo or preserve! 

Chrissy

[Sarah B]

Hi Chrissy

Thank you for posting your concerns, it really is nice to read what you and others have to say.

Computer system is working quite well after knocking one computer off the table and damaging the drive bay, hard disks are OK, which is more important.  Will have to order new drive bay.  Still need to add my file server, which holds backups and more files.  At least I have a functioning system up and running.

Better internet connection, means faster speeds and unlimited data downloads. Is in the pipeline for sure.

Tourists like to feed the wallabies at zoos and the wild life reserves.  Look up a famous Australian called Steve Irwin.  He was one of our most enduring iconic people who cared for our wild life.

Australia is not a bad place to be, honestly it's a great country to live in and it is very safe.  Not like America, which has bears, rattle snakes, wolves, alligators and of course those deadly tornadoes.

Take care and be happy you did not spend your money on clothes like I did.

Best wishes always
Sarah B

[Sarah B]

Hi everyone

How do I begin this post?, that is the question, well lets start from the beginning shall we?  "It's just another day"[1] for Sarah B.

• Went to another town which was 30km away for a 3km swim, while listening to music  all the time.
• Went to the nearest pathology lab in that town where the vampires took some blood from me for my new specialist Dr.
• Went to the local shopping center and brought four new tops, one long white dress and one colored skirt.
• Had lunch at the the local shopping center.
• Went home another 30km trip and listened to music
• Took some rubbish to the local rubbish tip
• Worked on the next installment of Sarah's Story
• Had an afternoon sleep
• Worked on several posts for members of Susan's Place

The above activities made me happy for the whole day today, or better still being alive for the whole day made me extremely happy.

Take care and I hope all of you had a nice day like me.

Best wishes for everyone.
Sarah B

[1] by Paul McCartney, used in the film 50 First Dates.

[Sarah B]

Hi everyone

I hope this quick post finds you in good spirits and you are also well.  I'm currently in a motel by a river. I will be seeing my doctor about my blood works and the bad sciatica pain on my right side.  At the moment it's restricting my ability to work properly.

I have been working on the next installment of Sarah's  story, so please be patient, even I want to see how it turns out. What with moving, travelling long distances and unpacking, even I have become very tired lately, as they say, "there is no rest for the wicked"

Anyway I have to go as I have already fell asleep writing this post once before and I don't want to do it again.

Forgot to mention have spent sometime with my brother and his wife, they are also travelling with me, one night it was Indian and another night it was Chinese, I wonder what we are going to have next for dinner, I wonder, decisions, decisions, decisions.

Take care and I hope all of you had a nice day like me.

Best wishes for everyone.
Sarah B

[davina61]

Just got over the sciatica I had from last Nov, pain in my left hip and a numb leg that refused to work correctly for ages so feel for you dear. Keep taking the tablets!!
 Must be Thai tonight then------

[Northern Star Girl]

@Sarah B
Dear Sarah:
Thank you for sharing your update with me and the rest of your
avid followers and readers.

I hope, trust and pray that your blood test results turn out OK
and your doctor can successfully treat your bad sciatica pain. 
Pain is no fun especially when attempting to concentrate on work tasks.

I was happy to see that you are working on the next installment
of Sarah's story,
and yes, I will try hard to patient.   
  
I know that you have a lot going on in your
life with your relocation, new home, doctor visits, traveling
long distances, etc.....  all of which I have done in my
transition and relocation journey.  You will find more happiness
and success as you finally work through all the issues that
you are dealing with. 

I was glad to read that you had a nice visit with your bother and
his wife....  and have fun making those difficult decisions regarding
what you are going to have next for dinner !!!!

I trust that your day is a good one, be safe during your travels...
... and I will be eagerly looking for your next update.

Many HUGS,
Danielle

Hi everyone

I hope this quick post finds you in good spirits and you are also well.  I'm currently in a motel by a river. I will be seeing my doctor about my blood works and the bad sciatica pain on my right side.  At the moment it's restricting my ability to work properly.

I have been working on the next installment of Sarah's  story, so please be patient, even I want to see how it turns out. What with moving, travelling long distances and unpacking, even I have become very tired lately, as they say, "there is no rest for the wicked"

Anyway I have to go as I have already fell asleep writing this post once before and I don't want to do it again.

Forgot to mention have spent sometime with my brother and his wife, they are also travelling with me, one night it was Indian and another night it was Chinese, I wonder what we are going to have next for dinner, I wonder, decisions, decisions, decisions.

Take care and I hope all of you had a nice day like me.

Best wishes for everyone.
Sarah B

[Sarah B]

Hi Davina

Thank you for your reply and your concerns.

Just got over the sciatica I had from last Nov, pain in my left hip and a numb leg that refused to work correctly for ages so feel for you dear. Keep taking the tablets!!
 Must be Thai tonight then------

My question is what type of tablet?  I  usually don't take tablets unless I really have to.  At the moment I take paracetamol 500mg.  In addition I have had a cortisone injection recently and it has not done anything to relieve the pain. Cost me A$240 dollars but I got back about A$90 more pain!

That is the reason for my doctors visit today.  The pain is not like it was at first.  Which was excruciating and the trouble to visit the ladies at home brought even me, tough Sarah to tears with every planned step.

I'm working on the problem.
 Stay around more news to follow.  Oh Thai sounds nice.

Best Wishes and Hugs for you.
Sarah B

[Northern Star Girl]

@Sarah B
Dear Sarah...   
WOW, you are up from bed so very early on your Friday morning.

So, tell me, what are your plans for dinner tonight?    

HUGS, Danielle

[davina61]

Just paracetamol and ibuprofen, doc gave me some tablets to take with them to stop upsetting my tummy just in case. Touch wood it was fine today but my back is still playing me up, has for 20+ years. Thats what you get from working on cars for 50 odd years.

[Sarah B]

Hi everyone again

Two posts within a day?  Unheard of I say.  Well you could say this is the third,  I was typing out a reply before this one, but gremlins of the internet got to it and vanished in a puff of logic.  To make it even more horrendous I was using my pen stylus to type it in, like I'm doing now, oh the pain the pain.

I should have known about saving things often, anyway I digress,  I was awake at 04:00 hours and had a nice sleep from my last post.  I was creating a new one and fairly into it when my phone said 5%.  OK switch it off.

My clothes for the day were ready and I did my hair.  It was still early and I was starting to nod of to sleep so I laid my head down on the pillow, when I heard a knock on the door with my brother saying what time was my doctors appointment I said 07:50, he said it was 07:10.

I flew out of the bed, well actually I got of the bed as I slept on top of it, got dressed, collected a few bits and pieces. I was offered a cup of tea, but I said no thanks, as I did not have time to drink it.  Had a couple of swiggs of milk, it was not full cream milk, ugh, out the door all in a total of 5 minutes.

Thirty minute drive to see one of my doctors, this was along a major highway and to top it off it was raining cats and dogs.  I arrived safely and on time, so funny, standard questions were asked when you arrive and next minute relating this story to him and then he told a similar story.  I'm getting to like him.

Tests were good sugar was a little high but ok hormone levels were OK, I did say my previous doctor was a little concerned about the high level, I told him I was going to see a female specialist doctor in regards to my hormone levels, caught up with two friend and had my nails done.

I'm on my way home and I have stopped to take break and have something to eat and drink.

I will have another post done after I get home.  The past two days have been hectic and I have not finished telling everything that happened.  Yeah I know I'm leaving you all in suspense.

Take care and I will talk to you soon.

Lots of love and Hugs
Sarah B
PS Will fix bugs later. Done

[Sarah B]

Dearest Danielle
@Northern Star Girl

@Sarah B
Dear Sarah... 
WOW, you are up from bed so very early on your Friday morning.

So, tell me, what are your plans for dinner tonight?   

HUGS, Danielle

You know the early bird has more fun?  This is what happened Thursday and Friday very Briefly, more details before and after this post.

Thursday arrive at motel visited long time friend of my brothers, did laundry had Chinese for tea bed around 20:00 hours half message done fell asleep woke up around 00:00 hours finished the message went back to sleep.  Woke up at 04:00 hours as fresh as a daisy, started a new message in response to Davina and you. Phone decides to die.

Did my hair, in the dark started to fall asleep, put my head on the pillow and went to sleep.  Brother annoys me at 07:10 and I rush to get to the doctors by 07:50 made it in time.  Result basically good.  More physiotherapy need for the sciatica.  Went and saw two friends, then had my nails done.

Began journey home stopped half way had a drink and toasted ham  sandwich and a custard tart and started a new post and posted it, then I continued my journey home arrived safely, fed and cleaned the cats litter tray.  I'm now doing this post first and I will finish the other post after I have completed this one.

No dinner, as my lunch as mentioned, is my dinner, oh I'm back on the bandwagon (coffee cappuccino) and I'm going to have an afternoon nap, see you soon.

Hugs and Love
Sarah B
PS Did you work out who Danielle De Barbarac is?

[Sarah B]

Hello Davina

Thank you for your reply it was appreciated, I also took ibufrofen, however I believe my blood pressure went up so I stopped taking it.  I will try it again and monitor my BP and see what happens.

Just paracetamol and ibuprofen, doc gave me some tablets to take with them to stop upsetting my tummy just in case. Touch wood it was fine today but my back is still playing me up, has for 20+ years. Thats what you get from working on cars for 50 odd years.

I never considered fixing cars I like clean hands and I saw what it did to my uncles hands.  Yes that uncle that knew about me.  I did a technical trade to start with, drafting, plans for road and bridges.

I'm tired so I going to have an nano sleep, before I come back to this computer screen.

Hugs and Love
Sarah B

[Sarah B]

Hi Everyone

This is the missing post that I said I was going to post, but I was going to keep you in suspense, I got to have some fun right? Names have been changed to protect the innocent.

Well here it is, after arriving at the motel and talking about what we were going to do, it was decided that we would go and visit my brothers long time friend Malcolm and his wife Vanessa.  I have also known them for awhile, but I do not know how long.

It was only a short drive and we all hugged each other when we met, it had been awhile since I had last seen them.  I had never been to their property but it was beautiful.  My brother, Steven and Malcolm were standing and talking cars probably as they usually do and us girls sat down and we had a cup of tea and a biscuit, I'm English by birth so I can drink tea it's so refreshing, even brewed tea, but I digress as usual.

Steven and Malcolm wondered off probably to go to Malcolm's big shed with goodness knows what inside and us ladies were just talking in general.  One conversation I thought revolved around maths, however I missed heard, what they said was MAFS (married at first sight), yeah I know, unbelievable on what two of the girls were watching. but I cannot complain, I have been watching Korean and Chinese romantic dramas. In my spare time.  Just a little history before I get to the juicy bit.

I used to read a lot of hard core science fiction and when I ran out of something to read I would read my mum's Mills and Boons books, yes I know cheap and nasty romance novels, but I'm a sucker for romance stories.

While we were talking I received a phone call from my aunt about how I was going and my health, so I told her.  I was careful in what I was saying as I did not know if Vanessa knew about me, long story short she did.

I do not know how she knew, but I guess either a family member told her or she knew our family history because of the long time friendship between my brother and Malcolm.  I was comfortable that she knew.  Next time I see her I will ask her as I did not get a chance to do so.

So I discussed what I was planning to do with the specialist GP which was my general health and the up and coming visit to the gynecologist to check downstairs and I said I had not seen it personally since I had my surgery.

I was not fussed about what it looked liked, it had, 3 main items inner and outer labia and of course a clitoris, women's vaginas are different from one to the other and this is why I never bothered about what it looked like, anyway when I told them I had not seen it in a long time, sure enough the amazed looks on their faces was funny, but when I said only my boyfriends have seen it more than I had, they laughed there heads off.

Then out of the blue, you could not plan a situation like this, my brother and Malcolm turned up and sat down with us girls.  Malcolm was sitting next to me and in our conversation I asked him what did you two get up to and he said with a smile on his face (I'm sure he did), "secret men's business", I kid you not, the irony, I just laughed and thought to myself, we were just discussing "secret women's business".

So all in all the last couple of days have been wonderful and hectic.  One other thing before I go, I got a phone call while driving to our motel and it was the pathology lab ringing saying they put my blood in the wrong colored test tube so on Saturday I will have to drive another 60km round trip, to get more blood sucked out of me.

Wishing you all a nice weekend.

Love and Hugs to Everyone
Sarah B

[Northern Star Girl]

@Sarah B
Dear Sarah:
Thank you for your way-too-kind words ...

... but Sarah ... please tell me:  "why would Sarah, make such an association?"

    https://ever-after-cinderella.fandom.com/wiki/Danielle_de_Barbarac

HUGS, Danielle

Hi Danielle

You remind me of of very beautiful lady called Danielle De Barbarac, who I loved very much.  Now the question you should ask yourself is why would Sarah, make such an association? When I was looking after my mum, I was working as a swimming instructor as well as a lifeguard.

I would talk to the children and at the same time I would play a game with them, find out what their names were at the beginning of the swimming term.  So one child would say "my name is Lucy" and I would reply "Lucy in the Sky With Diamonds" a famous Beetle song, another child would say "my name is Robert" and I would reply "are you Robert de Niro?", a famous actor and so on and so on.

Well what are you waiting for?

Always with love and hugs
Sarah B