Sarah B's Story

[Jessica_Rose]

Hi Everyone
Outside the Kookaburra's are laughing their heads off and the Currawong are singing along as well.  Peace and quite of the country side Not!  Just kidding, better than car noises.

Best Wishes and Hugs to everyone
Sarah B
@Northern Star Girl

Kookaburra and Currawong? You made those names up. Seriously, how did they come up with those names? I bet they just pulled a handful of Scrabble tiles out of a bag and tried to make something pronounceable.

I hope you have a fabulous day, Sarah.

Love always -- Jess

[Sarah B]

Hi Jessica

You said:

Kookaburra and Currawong? You made those names up. Seriously, how did they come up with those names? I bet they just pulled a handful of Scrabble tiles out of a bag and tried to make something pronounceable.

I hope you have a fabulous day, Sarah.

Love always -- Jess

Unfortunately Google cannot translate the Australian language into American English properly, so blame Google not me or us Aussie's.  It's hard enough for me to speak American properly, when I post, posts.

They came up with Kookaburra (Kingfisher) and Currawong (3 types) long before I came to Australia and I never made those names up.

The Kookaburra name comes from the Wiradjuri people of NSW.
The Currawong is most likely antecedent, is the word garrawaŋ from the local Jagera language of the Illawarra Region, NSW.

I always have a lovely day and I hope to have one today as well, you too as well.

Best wishes,love and hugs
Sarah B
@Jessica_Rose

[Oldandcreaky]

We sang about the  Kookaburra as children. Here are the lyrics as I remember them:

Kookaburra sits in the old gum tree.
Merry, merry king of the bush is he.
Laugh, Kookaburra.
Laugh, Kookaburra.
How gay your life must be!

[Jessica_Rose]

Hi Jessica

Unfortunately Google cannot translate the Australian language into American English properly, so blame Google not me or us Aussie's.  It's hard enough for me to speak American properly, when I post, posts.

They came up with Kookaburra (Kingfisher) and Currawong (3 types) long before I came to Australia and I never made those names up.

The Kookaburra name comes from the Wiradjuri people of NSW.
The Currawong is most likely antecedent, is the word garrawaŋ from the local Jagera language of the Illawarra Region, NSW.

I always have a lovely day and I hope to have one today as well, you too as well.

Best wishes,love and hugs
Sarah B

My apologies, sometimes my attempts at humor miss their mark. It is interesting how similar languages often evolve quite differently based on the influence of local indigenous languages. I had heard of Kookaburras, but I had to look up Currawong. Australia is an amazing land, one of the few places I'm interested in visiting one day.

Love always -- Jess

[Sarah B]

Hi Jessica

Jessica I was joking with you as well. I knew you was joking.  I did not know where the bird names came from so I looked them up and learned something new.

Have a nice day, I'm going too.

Best wishes, love and hugs
Sarah B
@Jessica_Rose

[Sarah B]

Hi O&C

You mentioned this in your post therefore you must be an aussie?

We sang about the  Kookaburra as children. Here are the lyrics as I remember them:

Kookaburra sits in the old gum tree.
Merry, merry king of the bush is he.
Laugh, Kookaburra.
Laugh, Kookaburra.
How gay your life must be!

Where else would one learn this song from a teacher who had nothing else to teach their pupils?

Best Wishes and Hugs
Sarah B

[Oldandcreaky]

Not an Aussie. We also sang, "Marching to Pretoria," which came from the Boer War.

[Sarah B]

Hi Q&C

You said:

Not an Aussie. We also sang, "Marching to Pretoria," which came from the Boer War.

Well I will make you an honorary one then.  So there.

Best Wishes and Hugs
Sarah B

[Sarah B]

Hi Everybody

It's been a bit quite around here and as I mentioned I had stuff that needed sorting out in the land down under.  It's 02:00 hours, close enough Australian time.  Why is she posting at such an an unruly hour?  No, she is not crazy, just stark raving mad, ok I'm just kidding.  So that you know I have always had my head screwed on right.  In all seriousness, I have often found it more relaxing, cool as in temperature wise and I seem to be more alert (clear) in my thinking.

Another reason being, I basically always got up so early in the morning around 04:00 hours to go and lifeguard at the local pool where I swam and taught swimming for around 12 years and looking after my mum.  So another 2 hours earlier is no biggy and of course when I was teaching.  The best time to get some serious work done

Lets begin by trying to have a shower, not once, not twice, but three bloody times.  You must remember I'm off grid and down sizing on my brothers property.  The dunny (Aussie slang for crap house) and shower are separate from the main shed.  There is a sink outside only 5 metres away from the shower.  I just woken up from having two sleeps, it had been a long day since I had already got up around 04:00 and I was just about to have a shower,

When I forgot my toothpaste and toothbrush which was on the sink, so number one attempt to have a shower failed, with towel around me I got the toothbursh and back to the shower, you must also know it's night time and you have to use a torch.  Damn, I forgot the toothpaste so number two attempt to have a shower failed and back to the shower.  Yes I know I could have brushed my teeth at the sink.

I start my shower and damn it's cold water, I could have had a a cold shower, it's not that cold and it's summer down here.  I wanted to have a hot one, because of the long day, so the switch to turn on the hot water is on the outside (gas heater) so attempt number three to have a shower failed.  Eventually I had a really long hot shower,  well if I run out of water, I will call in a water truck, but it has been raining the last couple of days so really not needed.

So the last two days in the end turned out wonderful.  What is that you say, where is the beginning?  Well lets go back 48 hours and you guessed it up around 04:00 hours getting ready to travel around 2:30 hours of driving to my previous place.  So morning chores and tidying up done.  Just basic clothes, no makeup, and hair in a bun, get into the car and head off.  This part never really changes.  I just like repeating it.

I arrive and its put some old furniture on the nature strip and sure enough vultures from out of nowhere descend and the items have disappeared from right under your nose.  Now this is recycling at it's best.  I took a couple of car loads of rubbish to the local waste recycling facility and this is one of the reasons why I have left the rat race behind. 

When you arrive at the facility you have to stop at a red light and when it goes green you drive up to the kiosk and they look at your driving license, record the details ask what are you dumping. 

Another reason is the amount of fixed speed cameras, average speed zones and random speed cameras, just recently they set up a monstrosity of a random camera system, which not only checks your speed but checks to see if you are wearing a seat belt and to see if you are using a cell (you see I can speak American).

Apparently the Queensland government has increased the usage of cameras and hence collect fines. All in the name of safety.  As I said I'm out of here.  Anyway I digress as usual.

Now I have to kill a few hours, until I see my new specialist doctor Dr Alice.  I arrived at the medical centre and I had to wait a little while and then I went into the consultation room.  Long story short, well no, there's no short cut to telling what happened.  If you have not already got a cuppa and a biscuit or cake from Daniels pantry, go and get one and I will continue in a minute or two.

As I was saying I went into the consultation room, we said a few words to each other and then I said hi how are you, she replied like wise and we laughed, talk about two peas in a pod.  I did raise my concern about how the referral letter for the gynecologist (Dr Amy) was handled and reiterated my need for extreme privacy, she again noted my concerns, she allayed my fears.  I checked my secure email account and she had sent me an Email after our first meeting, explaining the words she used.  Still not really happy but to get in early instead of 6 months. 

I have the referral letter and I will give the letter to Dr Amy personally.  I will make an appointment on Monday.  Dr Alice also said, she will ring, Dr Amy on Thursday night and ask her to give me a priority appointment hopefully with out explaining my circumstances.  I will take along my surgery letter and present it to Dr Amy at the initial consultation.  Talk about shocking people.

Moving right along. Hormone levels were good and she was quite happy with them, just above the average female level, so I'm pleased with that, testosterone virtually zero, my vitamin D level was borderline.  So I will greet the sun some more, which I have not been doing the last couple of months and I will get a supplement.

I explained my problem with the sciatica nerve, for the want of a better description, of the pain on the left hip.  More physiotherapy is need and my routine is up in arms at the moment.  The lab works have not come back on the chromosome tests and I know either way, I will have a little cry, when I'm alone.  How's that for predicting the future.  I may have mentioned this before, but I did say to her that she can ask me any question in regards my medical condition and I was comfortable with her, in other words she will be my main doctor.

So after the consultation I drove home another 3 hours, with a stop in between ready to do it all again on Friday  So on Friday it was back to where I used to live with mum.  Cleaned the place up and then drove all the way back, to my new home.  All this in 48 hours, sounds like a good title for a TV show what do you think?

It's 02:15 Sunday morning and I have to get this finished, I have been working on Sarah's Race to SRS and I have created, why I don't know why a Too Long, Didn't TL:DR version.  I don't know if I will post that version at the moment.  I need to polish it.  Too many things to do and not enough time for little old me, oh my god I'm old. No!

I'm going to bed as soon as I wrap this post up.  So I hope you have a wonderful weekend,  I need to get back into my normal routine and then I will be able to see the forest for the trees and what lies ahead for me. 

Don't forget to wash the dishes on your way out, please.

Best Wishes and Hugs
Sarah B

[REM.1126]

We sang the kookaburra song in Alabama as well.  I don't remember marching to Pretoria, but maybe.  We sang Ol' Polina, Oh Shenandoah(still love that song), Over the Sea to Skye (still like it a lot), and Don Gato.

[Sarah B]

Hi Everybody

In Sarah's Race to SRS Part II preamble which is to follow in the next post. What with moving, doctors appointments, travelling and helping out at Susan's.  I have neglected or been unable to work on Sarah's Race to SRS Part II.

I had pretty much written a short version, of the story.  I do not know why and since so much work had already been done I thought why waste it.  I suppose it's a way of wetting your appetite for more or leaving you in suspense for the real gossip.

I hope you enjoy.  Please if you want to ask me a personal question I shall try to within reason or endeavour to answer it the best way I can.

Sit back, relax and enjoy.

Best Wishes, Love and Hugs for Everyone
Sarah B

[Sarah B]

Sarah's Race to SRS Part II preamble

This is the shortest version that I can do for you.  After two years  
This is the real short version, for those who's attention span is lacking.  The following is a brief summary of what I did in two years to get my surgery:

•   Arrived in Sydney Feb 1989.
•   Immediately I changed my name legally In Feb 1989
•   I then changed my names on my legal documents as soon as possible.
•   In Mar 1989 I was on hormones.
•   In Mar 1989 I saw my first psychiatrist .
•   Before end of April 1989 I was working full time.
•   In May 1990 I saw my second psychiatrist and my first surgery letter.
•   In May 1990 my second surgery letter came from my endocrinologist.
•   After May 1990 my third surgery letter came from my first psychiatrist.
•   Finally, in Feb 1991 I had my surgery, so that I could function as a female.

The whole journey really, only took me two years. 
This is a longer version of my race to get Sex Reassignment Surgery (SRS).  However, if you want to read the epic version, then you will need to read Sarah's Race to SRS part II.

If you have been reading Sarah's story you know that I was definitely passing in 1988, even I did not know this at the time and that was with no hormones.  So I arrived in Sydney in Feb 1989 as Sarah.   So almost immediately, Sarah started to live her life the way she wanted and she was able to do this, because she passed.  If I was not able to pass when I arrived in Sydney you could at least say goodbye to Sarah as you know her today.

So almost immediately I changed my legal name at the time to my new legal name,  I did not plan  this step in anyway whatsoever.  Seriously and honestly I did not plan this and to put it into context, nothing I ever did to achieve SRS was deliberately planned ahead of time.  Sarah did not know that when she arrived in Sydney, that within two years she would have her SRS.  I'm sitting here writing this and I'm perplexed as much as you are on what Sarah did.  The absolute minimalist of outlines of what had to be done was mentioned and that was it.

So after changing my legal name, I set about changing all my legal documents to my new legal name, such as medicare card, drivers license and most important high school and civil engineering certificate transcripts.  This has to be stated categorically that by doing this, at the time, I have avoided any consequences that would have eventuated, by not doing so.  In other words, changing your legal name and documents straight away, you avoid any problems in the future.

In early March 1989, I saw a General Practitioner (GP) who was to be my doctor for the next 17 years and  I was given my hormones which consisted of Depo Provera an intramuscular injection given every two weeks and Premarin 2x2mg twice a day.  I started to see my first psychiatrist (or therapist) during March 1989.  The second time I saw him about a fortnight after the first visit I was working full time as a female, after that I only had to see him every month, which suited me fine. 

I mention it here and also in the long version of Sarah's Race to SRS, II, I was very wary of psychiatrists, from what I heard, or read more likely, that they were not friendly toward you and I was extremely cautious of what I said and in a sense there was a wall between us, in addition I was a naive young lady.  It must be said, I picked him because others mentioned in conversation that he was hard, but not according to a social worker who was to become a long time friend said, "he was fair". 

So typical me choose the difficult path to ensure, I got what I wanted, the determination or the fast paced actions, of what I was doing within the first couple of months, even astounds me to this day.  There was no dithering, back and forth shall I, or shall I not do something, hence no dysphoria per se.

In the end it did not matter because, I was working full time as a female within 3 months of arriving in Sydney and this is what set me up to succeed.  I had my head screwed on properly and I believe that is what my first psychiatrist saw in me, just another female living her day to day life.  If I ever regret anything in regards to what I have done and that was not seeing him later on after having my surgery and the success I achieved.  He wrote my third and final surgery letter after May 1990.

I did see an endocrinologist in the beginning, I do not have a specific time when I first saw him.  All he did was just monitor my hormone levels and in the future he wrote my second surgery letter, this particular letter was written in May 1990.

My second psychiatrist I saw maybe early in April 1990, because he wrote my first surgery letter in May 1990.  The only thing that stands out in these sessions was, I said maybe two poignant statements.  One was that I would always be a genetic male and two that the I knew that surgery was irreversible.

I saw my surgeon a couple of times and a couple of things, stand out, one you had to have blood tests and the main worry about them was you had to be HIV negative, if you were, then at the time it was considered a death sentence and two you did not have to have electrolysis in the genital area.  Yes no electrolysis in that area.  Awhile ago there was a discussion on this particular issue in a thread on Susan's and I wrote extensively about this subject.  Long story short you do not need electrolysis down there, as several surgeons at the time said you do not really need it.

So in summary, its been 33 years since surgery and 35 years since, I changed my life around.  I was never indecisive, meaning I never even thought about what I was going to do, in regards to what I wanted.  I never ever thought about wanting or longing to be a female ever again, I wonder why?  That's right I was living as a female.  It was like I needed HRT and to change my name legally,  I did those two things within 1 month of arriving, I was working within 3 months.  I needed two psychiatrists letters done in 15 months and I needed surgery arranged, so an appointment was made for it to be done.

So I had my surgery within two years.  I did not know at the time what the final outcome of my surgery was going to be.  I have mentioned this elsewhere, that when I woke up from my surgery the second time.  I felt the fog had finally lifted from my mind and a calmness, serenity and clarity decended over me like I had never known before and shall never experience again, before dropping back of to sleep.

After surgery and within two weeks I was back at work. Yes two weeks, I was walking around very gingerly.  I did not know until I came across Susan's Place 20 years after being in the woodwork.  I found out that by having surgery, I was able to function as any other female in society and to top it of, I was always a female.  Well I did not know that at the time because within one year after surgery I was functioning as female anyway.  I had waited 35 years for that one moment in time, talk about abstinence.  All right if you want me to spell it out I was a virgin.  This is something that most females in their younger years had dealt with.  Talk about being patient and I will never ever forget that moment.

Stay tuned for the full version of Sarah's Race to SRS Part II.  Which will come soon after a brief intermission.

Best Wishes, Love and Hugs to Everyone
Sarah B
PS  Minor edits have been made for clarity only and do not affect the story in anyway

[Sarah B]

Hi Everyone

It's good to see you all again, I know its been awhile since I have written about whats happenings in my life.  In actual fact I can not remember what has really happened in the last 10 days or so.  I sit at my computer and I'm listing to Sarah Mclachlan, the weather has been storms and heavy downpours for the past couple of days and of course a couple of power cuts.

I did mention that I left the rat race behind only to see it follow me with those speed camera systems being deployed between two country towns one bigger than the other with a lot more stores than the smaller town.

Hang on, I will put the jug on and I will get some biscuits out of the pantry.  Sorry to interrupt your conversations, but I'm sorry, its been awhile and the biscuits have gone stale.  So sorry, I can only offer you tea or coffee, this time around, I hope you can forgive my bad hospitality.

I don't worry about such systems as I use a mobile app called "Waze",  I do not normally use apps on my mobile phone unless they are absolutely necessary and open source.  "F-Droid" supplies a good amount of open sources apps.

There has only ever been a few apps that I have ever considered paying for and Waze is one of them, besides navigation and locating some businesses one of the most important feature it has is giving location of red light cameras and when random police speed cameras have been set up on the side of the road.

I was going to see Dr Alice (specialist) this Thursday 07/03/24, however I have a breast screen in a town called Toowoomba and that will be 2 hour trip one way.  She specifically urged me to get one so I'm going too, as it has been several years since I had my last one and of course they still had my information in their system.

However, the results would not be available for Dr Alice to use.  So I have cancelled that appointment, the next would be in a fortnights time, so plenty of time for the results to be sent to Dr Alice.  I do not think that there will be anything wrong giving my unique medical condition as it is rare to get breast cancer and my mum did not have breast cancer during her life.

In one weeks time I see Dr Amy the gynaecologist, I have prepared a list of things to bring up in regards to my 'medical condition'.  I do not think that there will be anything wrong in terms of functionality.  This appointment will one week before I see Dr Alice and the results of whatever the examination entails will be sent to her.  I will of course give a brief report on the examination.

So Dr Alice will have a reasonable summary of my medical history.  I tried to get my original medical history from my first doctor Dr Peter, I did ask them to keep that information.  However the current receptionist said they do not keep records beyond 7 years.  "Not Happy Jan".[1]

This means I was not happy and I said, to the receptionist that, "I explicitly wanted the records about me to be kept".  In our conversation I learned Dr Peter has retired.  I'm fracking getting old and I don't like it.  See how easy it is to get side tracked?

I have not had any physiotherapy for nearly two weeks and I have not been swimming as much as I would have liked.  So I'm Not Happy Jan.  However, the last two days I have been baby sitting my grand nieces.  One more reason as to why I moved closer to my immediate family.  It was so easy to look after them, it just came so naturally to me.

I guess teaching children swimming and maths certainly helped me.  This is one aspect of my life that is still missing and it hurts so much.  I was in the process of going down the road to foster children.  However fate intervenes again and I ended up looking after mum instead.  I will leave it there as it hurts too much thinking about it.

My brother and a sort of adopted niece called me while the kids where at school and we ended up going into the next town to get some grocery shopping, big mistake on my part, as you may know my brother has been teasing me all my life, cracking jokes, however the two of them were sitting in the front of the car and they continued to turn the volume of the music that was playing up and they looked at each other and laughed while I tried to talk.  I do not only have to contend with one but I have to now contend with two teasing me.  I suppose I should move on again.  No I was just joking about moving on again, it's so good to be around family.

There is one sour note in all of this.  I was speaking about me with my niece, whose children I was baby sitting and I asked if her partner new about me and she said, yes and he is all right with it.  This is the second time in recent weeks that members associated with the family know about me.  This indicates that members are revealing personal information about me, that should not be mentioned.

So you do not have control over what others say about you.  I'm not impressed about what has happened in regards to this revelation and I do not know what I should do about this.  I'm fracking pissed off about it and if it continues I might leave again permanently.

To which I think this basically brings you update with whats going on with my life.   Whoa there you thought that was all did you?  Well I have a free day all to myself on Thursday, no sleep in for this girl.  Obviously I will be organizing my humble abode a bit more and even I will set up my barbeque, that I brought over 6 moths ago.

I will set it up outside in my new patio, come garage port along with the portable gas cooking stove, that I brought while in the nearby town. Yes, I will go swimming that day and I will also go tomorrow morning and do some catch up laps.

Then on Friday I will be going walkabout, which means going bush in the Australian vernacular, to my property with my brother and his wife, which is about 150km away and I will be doing a 'Forest Gump' mowing the property, which will have long grass, which has grown with all the rain that we have been having recently.

Staying the night in a shipping container which has basic amenities shower, toilet and sink and bed.  Cooking is done outside on a barbeque set up that uses wood for fuel.  May be sleep there Saturday and come home earlier on Sunday morning, ready for next weeks adventure.

I hope to see you all again soon.  I will get in contact with the biscuit supplier and get fresh biscuits and cakes for next time.

Love and Hugs to one and all
Sarah B
[1] Not Happy Jan

[Oldandcreaky]

This indicates that members are revealing personal information about me, that should not be mentioned.

I have been outed so many times that I've devoted considerable time to considering the dynamics of gossip. I have concluded that gossip is forever appealing because you can have a Tete a Tete, an intimate moment, with someone at zero risk. However, it's faux intimacy. True intimacy happens when you assume the risk and open yourself to others. When a family member opens you to others, you're assuming all the risk with zero consent.

I have always wanted to ask one of the many gossips in my family to let me be semi-present the next time they gossip.

"I'll be behind a curtain while you tell my story," I'd love to say. "I'll be back there judging the two of you while the two of you judge me."

They'd be aghast for a gossip wants to tell your story unencumbered, free of responsibility.
 

[Sarah B]

Hi O&C

Thank you for the post on this issue.

Yet I only have meet this person once or twice before asking my niece.  Her reply, when I asked who told him, she replied I don't know.  Which makes me think she lied.

However, I do not know if that is the case.  The only way is to ask the individual who told him about me, even then I do not know if that person is lying.

Her partner is not someone who I would ever ask or discuss my situation with.

I'm still f... fuming.

Best Wishes and Hugs
Sarah B

[imallie]

I have been outed so many times that I've devoted considerable time to considering the dynamics of gossip. I have concluded that gossip is forever appealing because you can have a Tete a Tete, an intimate moment, with someone at zero risk. However, it's faux intimacy. True intimacy happens when you assume the risk and open yourself to others. When a family member opens you to others, you're assuming all the risk with zero consent.

I have always wanted to ask one of the many gossips in my family to let me be semi-present the next time they gossip.

"I'll be behind a curtain while you tell my story," I'd love to say. "I'll be back there judging the two of you while the two of you judge me."

They'd be aghast for a gossip wants to tell your story unencumbered, free of responsibility.
 

One of my sisters (the youngest of the three — all older than me), has always struggled going to lunch with her sisters. She loves them, she just doesn't like when it's just the three of them.
I told her that it's because she feels judged. And rather than lie and that she isn't being judged, I told her that of course she's being judged... everyone judges everyone else all the time.
But the key is that you have to get to the point where you don't let other people's judgements bother you.
Their ACTIONS, yes, but not just their passive judgements.

So when people share your story without your consent, I guess I see that as an action... and something worthy of being upset about it. But the judgment is none of my business. Easier said than done, sure. But that's the goal.

[Sarah B]

Hi Allie, Danielle and O&C

Thank you for replying to my post on this issue.

Therein lies the issue of what to do.  I cannot control what they say or what they think of me.  In fact to put it bluntly it was my uncle that originally outed me to the family.  So 'Not Happy Jan' on that issue.

I have always have been thick skinned and I tend to be quite and reserved.  Yes, I know this hurts me and being outed several times within the last month since I have got closer to my family.  Then I'm thinking what are they thinking about me.  This is not a situation that I'm used to.

Which is self defeating and this is why I keep saying being outed is like having your forehead branded with 'trans' whatever.

I was away from my family for over 25 years and I never ever had this problem.  Albeit I was amongst friends and not family who never knew, since I never told them and if they suspected then I was never asked if I was.

I'm going to have to think about what I'm going to do in the future in regards to this issue.  If I find out if anyone is outing me I will adjust my behaviour towards that individual concerned.

It's late here in Aussie land, 02:11 hours.  I should go and get some sleep and sleep on it!

Love and Hugs
Sarah B
@Oldandcreaky
@imallie
@Northern Star Girl

[Northern Star Girl]

@Sarah B
Dear Sarah:
I have really been enjoying reading your "Story"  regarding your life "adventures" and what you are sharing
regarding the issues of what you are describing about yourself.  For sure it is an somewhat common issue that
is familiar to O&C, ImAllie, and me included ...and other members that have dealt with coming-out issues
especially as it  relates to family members and close friends.

As most of us experienced or are experiencing, we don't always receive overwhelming support and
affirming words from some. 
The best thing we can do is to live our life and "demonstrate" that we can be successful in our life choices. 
Especially with family members it is important to not hold grudges or to not draw away from
those relationships...
...friends can come and go, but family is "family" forever.

Thank you for sharing from your heart as you continue to live your life and telling your "Sarah B's Story".

Many HUGS,
Danielle [Northern Star Girl]

[Sarah B]

Hi Danielle

Thank you for your reply it is really appreciated.  Yes, no grudges.  I'm now experiencing some outing issues and it's not pleasant to say the least.

I have not heard anything bad in regards to me.  Yes, I have been successful since I changed my life around maybe more so than before.  Yes, I'm telling my story and that was what I was doing just before, I reentered Susan's.

I still don't know what the future holds for me only time will tell.

My bed is calling, me so, I will greet it with open arms.

Hugs and more Hugs
Sarah B
@Northern Star Girl
PS I'm ok.

[LoriDee]

For myself, I reached a point where I was confident that I had discovered my true self. I can't say I stopped caring what others think, it still stings a bit. I just explain to them that I am the same person I have always been. The only difference is that now they know some intimate details about me that I never shared with them before. I also add that I did not get here on some weird impulse. I didn't wake up one morning thinking I'd like to have boobs. It doesn't work like that. Years of therapy helped me understand, and if they are willing to listen, I will help them understand. But I am not going to change just because they are uncomfortable with it. How they feel about it is their burden to deal with. Some won't take it well. Some will be supportive. Some may even come around later after they have had a chance to see for themselves that you are still you.

There is nothing wrong with going slow and doing things when YOU are ready. I feel your pain and hopefully, soon it will all be a part of the past. You will have moved on and be living your best life ever. I'm rooting for ya!

Hugs!
Lori