I always seem to forget how stressful family get-togethers can be. I have read a few articles that even suggest avoiding them for your own mental health. That is one of the reasons that I do not visit family members like I used to.
I was invited to Thanksgiving dinner by my best friend, her sister, and her son. We were going to meet over at the Golden Corral for their lunch buffet. I did not get dressed up. No wig or makeup, just me as me. Then my bestie sent me a text message saying her oldest sister, (who lives in Lead, SD) was coming to Rapid City and would be joining us. Her oldest sister is a wonderful woman, very friendly and the kind of drop-dead gorgeous that we all aspire to be at that age. She has a wonderful personality and is a pleasure to visit with each time she comes to visit. She moved here from Georgia, so maybe it is her Southern charm that comes through.
When we arrived, it was 18 degrees with a wind-chill of 10 and a long line to get in. While freezing in line, I learned that the oldest sister's husband would also be joining us. Her dad and step-mom drove in from Custer and would be joining us as well. My bestie then whispers to me that if her dad and step-mom are rude to me, just ignore it. She didn't expect them to say or do anything, but just to let me know what kind of people they were since I had never met them.
They didn't have any tables to seat 8 people, so we were in groups of four seated as close as possible. Me, my bestie, her sister, and bestie's son. Dad, step-mom, oldest sister, and her husband. The older sister spent a lot of time going back and forth talking to our group, catching up with her sisters, and chatting with me. The step-mom stopped by our table and said hello to the sisters and bestie's son, but did not acknowledge that I was there. The dad and brother-in-law never even said hello even though I was sitting about a foot away from dad.
Our group finished eating and bestie's sister was rather upset with the others' behavior and said she was ready to leave. So our group said goodbye to the oldest sister and left. They did not say goodbye to dad, mom, or brother-in-law.
I felt good that my friends stood by me and sent a subtle message to the others that their rude behavior was unacceptable. They ignored them the same way that they had ignored us. Once we got outside, I gave each of them a hug and told them that I enjoyed sharing a Thanksgiving meal with my friends and thanked them for inviting me.
Later, when reflecting on this, I recalled similar family get-togethers with my own family. There always seemed to be some conflict, argument, or drama. Not just at my parent's house, but even when I was younger and the whole family met at my grandparents' house. Family should be the closest relationship one has and yet it seems this is seldom the case. I don't get it.
My dad used to say, "Only your friends will do it to you because you don't let your enemies get that close." The truth is, I have received more hurt from family than I have from friends.
"The bond that links your true family is not one of blood, but of respect and joy in each other's life. Rarely do members of one family grow up under the same roof."
― Richard Bach, Illusions: The Adventures of a Reluctant Messiah
I hope all of you had a wonderful time with real friends and family.
