I confess that I had mixed feelings when reading item #20 on the list, not because of the title but because of its opening claim, "With so much news about the transgender community focusing on the adversity individuals constantly face, it's crucial for kids to connect with and see older trans people thriving."
Such connections would be very good. But it's one of those statements that comes with some unstated caveats:
1. Trans youth often are not open to talking to elder trans people. Many are still in the stage in which cliques still dominate. In fact, there are spaces for trans youth where I live in which I, as an elder trans woman, am prohibited from entering and no response was ever made to any communique from me. When I come in contact with someone from that center, such as at a TDoR event, I could feel that person pushing me away. Right now, young adult trans folk face immense difficulties in getting themselves established at all with the upcoming generation speaking harshly against those in the boomer generation, voicing perceptions that we have stolen their futures from them... and they aren't entirly wrong. My generation has compromised much of its early idealism and has consolidated wealth, knowing that it could all easily evaporate.
2. It's often not safe for a trans elder to be seen publicly with youth (trans or not), especially with the lies being peddled that a trans elder is "grooming" youth when he/she/they interacts with youth. But even in the absence of such charges, it can be frought with danger. For example, in 2000, before any recognition of trans rights in my state, I made it a rule not to talk to anyone under 18. I made an exception in September of that year when I met one in an LGBT center and we had a great conversation. Then she started transition. Two years later, I received news of her death in a high-profile hate crime committed against her. I was crushed, guilting myself for allowing myself the leeway I had given myself in answering her many questions. Other trans people tried to console me, saying that I wasn't at fault and shouldn't blame myself. It took me years to come to terms with those feelings of guilt in compromising my principles. I still cry when I remember it and will never forget that beautiful soul.
Would I welcome contact with trans youth? Of course. I also welcome talking to parents of trans youth. But I can no longer do so without feelings of trepidation. I even feel them when someone of any age comes to me, saying that they want to transition. My response would seem unorthodox. I ask, "Must you?" It isn't that I wouldn't support such a person. I do without question. But I also want to make it clear that the life of a trans person is too often full of danger in an extremely harsh world full of bigotry. Not all trans people need to transiton and not transitioning doesn't make a trans person any less trans. I hope that parents of trans youth understand this also so they can grasp the many nuances of transness.
