Hi Evy-emaciatedMy name is
Sarah B and I would like to formally, Welcome you to Susan's Place as well!
I see that Danielle our Forum Administrator has welcomed you to Susan's as well.
Quote from: evy-emaciated on March 31, 2024, 09:49:57 PMI cant express how many times Ive rewritten this
I know what you mean, I tend to say the same thing again and again and I don't mind, when I do, considering that I changed when there was no information around when I changed my life around. So repeating your story, others will be able to learn from you, like I'm doing now.
Quote from: evy-emaciated on March 31, 2024, 09:49:57 PMHi all, I haven't done this in a very long time. idk if anyone remembers lgbtchat.net, I do miss that place. the first time I questioned my own gender was only after I decided I was bi and made friends in that space. I thought gender fluid could work for me at the time, but not long after, I decided if I didn't actively hate my own anatomy, I wasn't trans. so I just dropped it for the rest of my adolescence.
There are many similar forums out there that have changed their name or simply are lost in the internet ether, I know of two and I occasionally posted on those sites. However they are not around anymore for whatever reason.
Most members that come here to Susan's question their gender and it takes years sometimes to find out that particular information. Me I'm not different in a sense, I always wanted or longed to be a female. So I changed my life around in Feb 1989 and had surgery Feb 1991. Twenty odd years later I came across Susan's Place and I finally learnt I was always a female! Go figure.
I never questioned my gender per se. I just lived my life as a female. There is nothing wrong with questioning your gender and only you and only you can decide that, nobody else can. They can give you their opinion. However, what you do with that information is up to you. We here at Susan's will always accept you for who you are, no matter what you decide.
I never hated my anatomy, although I wished it was gone, I was indifferent towards it and when I had my surgery it became very useful indeed.
I'm sorry that you have to question your gender all over again, if you find that you are having trouble in where you are on the gender spectrum. Then you will need to seek help from qualified 'therapist' and one that is non judgemental.
Quote from: evy-emaciated on March 31, 2024, 09:49:57 PMnow years later I'm having to question myself again. Im just not doing well in multiple ways Ive been untreated for depression for a long time, and my most recent hobby exposed me to trauma Ill never unsee, and changed my view of the world and people. it definitely feels like I cant trust anyone or anything including myself. feels like confusion is so powerful right now
The world is not a nice place and it's not nice to hear people are suffering from the cruelty that occurs. I have not suffered from depression or trauma. Talking about what has happened to you can help you and there are members here if you tell them your story in private here on Susan's or Susan's Discord channel, then you can be rest assured that information will be kept confidential. I'm a very private person and I never tell anybody about what I have done. However, on 'Susan's', I have revealed a little about my more personal life than I have done here out in the open.
Quote from: evy-emaciated on March 31, 2024, 09:49:57 PMI ended up here because Ive been searching in and out to find what im experiencing actually is. I still cant say. I experience barely any dysphoria, perhaps hate my own image as much as any depressed person might. I just always, even since being a lurker on lgbtchat, felt like id be better born a girl. idk I feel lost as hell
I never suffered from Gender Dysphoria and my new General Practitioner (GP) has alluded that there are others out in the suburbs that never suffered from GD. So you are not alone in not experiencing this condition.
I would suggest from what you said; "felt like id be better born a girl", then try a few things like, grow your hair long, wear more feminine type clothing or paint your nails and see how that feels when you do so.
However if you still have trouble in deciding what you are experiencing. Then please seek the help you need.
It would be nice if you could tell us a little more about yourself here in the introduction page. I like reading other members story and I always seem to learn from them. I have a blog where I'm still telling my story and you can read it by clicking on the link below my signature
We strive to make this a safe place to find information and to share your thoughts and comments regarding your journey. Just about everyone here has been confused about their gender at some point in their lives. Some discover they are transgender and others realize they are non-binary, while others may feel they fit best somewhere else along the gender spectrum. No matter where that may be, you are always welcome at Susan's Place.
Best Wishes and HugsSarah BOfficial Greeter