Body dysphoria

[ChrissyRyan]

What seems to bring about a bad body dysphoria day for you?

There are no doubts that I am a MTF, a woman.  But the body is not right for me.
Presenting as a woman is one thing, but having the female body is important too.

I am wondering if I could be satisfied long term having a partially correct body.  Maybe.  Some days I cry and I am so sad everything is not quite right.  On most days, the things the way they are is okay.  I am basically a quite happy and well balanced woman. Odd as it may seem, a woman with a penis and balls can still have a nice life. I can have it the way it is and remain happy.

Some days though are challenging in regards to all of this.  How did you get through all of this?  Did non-op work for you?  This is for me not a right or wrong situation decision, it is a situation of contradictions, hesitation, and has me doing a lot of thinking.  I will get some clarity I hope with some discussions with my gender therapist.

Do remember that no act of kindness is ever too small.  Now go do a kind thing.  It is always something that warms the heart, yours and someone else's.

Chrissy

[Maid Marion]

I'm a non-op pass well enough that I have lots of feminine social interactions, even with those who know I'm transgender, like receptionists at doctor's offices.

Yesterday I politely declined an request for landscaping advice by an older gentleman.  He wanted me to check out his yard and suggest places to put some roses.  With the hundreds of flowering shrubs in my yard I just don't have the time to do stuff like that.  If I did, I probably would have gone to NY or Vermont to see the eclipse.  I think I'm the only one in my garden club who constantly moves plants to better spots in the yard!

[Sarah B]

Hi Chrissy

I hope you are well and happy today,  Your current post shows what is on your mind and your are seeking out answers on what others have done in similar situations.

What seems to bring about a bad body dysphoria day for you?

I never had any body dysphoria, except I want to look more pretty and sexy, but who does not!  I never had a problem with my body before I changed my life around and that includes what was down stairs.  Yes, I wanted or longed to be a female and when I changed my life around, I still did not hate or wanted what was there gone.  I was indifferent towards what was there as I knew in some sense that it would become part of my body, so that I could function as female.

I was so focused in what I did, even I cannot explain it to my self.  I have mentioned before I was like a bullet train heading towards the end of the tunnel, where there was light!  That's me talking metaphorically.  I'm a very logical person in nature and maybe the following reasons are, why I did what I did.

I loved long hair, so I grew it long, I did not consider what other people thought of about me, if I had long hair.  I hated shaving, so I found out how to get rid of my facial hair permanently and electrolysis and waxing solved that problem.  I wanted to be loved by a man so I got SRS.

In other words, I did what I wanted to do as long as it made me 'happy' or 'extremely happy'.  I was aware of what I did, could hurt others.  However, my happiness was more important to me, than them being hurt by what I did, even though I tried to reduce the ramifications on them being, affected by what I did.

There are so many reasons why members do not go, that 'final step', unless they explicitly state what those reasons are.  As much as I would like to know what those very personal reasons are, I cannot and will not ask them explicitly, why is that?  That is just me being considerate, polite and mindful of their privacy, even though it affects my curiosity.

Actually I should ask those questions, but I will not, yes I will, no I won't, yes I will ...........

You mention;

There are no doubts that I am a MTF, a woman.  But the body is not right for me.
Presenting as a woman is one thing, but having the female body is important too.

This says to me you want the body of an anatomically correct female body as far as possible and so much, by you saying; "But the body is not right for me" and "having the female body is important too" and "Some days I cry and I am so sad everything is not quite right."

I am wondering if I could be satisfied long term having a partially correct body.  Maybe.  Some days I cry and I am so sad everything is not quite right.  On most days, the things the way they are is okay.  I am basically a quite happy and well balanced woman. Odd as it may seem, a woman with a penis and balls can still have a nice life. I can have it the way it is and remain happy.

You could be happy living with the body you have now and only you can decide that, if you think that may be the case.  Then there are days that, when you cry, because it is not right, will keep occurring and given time that crying might fade.

What will make you the most happiest person in the whole world right now, having an anatomically correct female body as far as possible or as your body is now?  I would appreciate your answer very much. You can tell me privately via PM if you so wish.

Some days though are challenging in regards to all of this.  How did you get through all of this?  Did non-op work for you?  This is for me not a right or wrong situation decision, it is a situation of contradictions, hesitation, and has me doing a lot of thinking.  I will get some clarity I hope with some discussions with my gender therapist.

If you read through some of my earlier remarks, I hope they will give you some guidance in some small way.  I will again emphasise to you, do whatever makes you the most happiest person in the world and that means changing your body if that is the case.  You have also said the most important thing you can do and that is to seek clarity with your 'gender therapist', soon.

Do remember that no act of kindness is ever too small.  Now go do a kind thing.  It is always something that warms the heart, yours and someone else's.

Chrissy

I hope I have done that good deed, by helping you in some small way.

Please take care Chrissy and all the best for the future and remember you can PM me if you want or join Susan's Discord and we can have a private conversation between us and us only, if you want too.  I do have private conversations with other members on Susan's Discord.

Have a wonderful day.

Best Wishes and Hugs
Sarah B
Official Greeter

[Faith]

I'm getting closer to accepting the body that I have. Mostly from the front I don't get triggered. Mirror placement that shows me from the back or a photo from the back and I spiral. Occasionally even my face will trigger me in the mirror.  So, despite my therapist's directions, I still tend to avoid mirrors. When I have to, I focus only on exactly what I'm doing.

[ChrissyRyan]

Hi Chrissy

I hope you are well and happy today,  Your current post shows what is on your mind and your are seeking out answers on what others have done in similar situations.

I never had any body dysphoria, except I want to look more pretty and sexy, but who does not!  I never had a problem with my body before I changed my life around and that includes what was down stairs.  Yes, I wanted or longed to be a female and when I changed my life around, I still did not hate or wanted what was there gone.  I was indifferent towards what was there as I knew in some sense that it would become part of my body, so that I could function as female.

I was so focused in what I did, even I cannot explain it to my self.  I have mentioned before I was like a bullet train heading towards the end of the tunnel, where there was light!  That's me talking metaphorically.  I'm a very logical person in nature and maybe the following reasons are, why I did what I did.

I loved long hair, so I grew it long, I did not consider what other people thought of about me, if I had long hair.  I hated shaving, so I found out how to get rid of my facial hair permanently and electrolysis and waxing solved that problem.  I wanted to be loved by a man so I got SRS.

In other words, I did what I wanted to do as long as it made me 'happy' or 'extremely happy'.  I was aware of what I did, could hurt others.  However, my happiness was more important to me, than them being hurt by what I did, even though I tried to reduce the ramifications on them being, affected by what I did.

There are so many reasons why members do not go, that 'final step', unless they explicitly state what those reasons are.  As much as I would like to know what those very personal reasons are, I cannot and will not ask them explicitly, why is that?  That is just me being considerate, polite and mindful of their privacy, even though it affects my curiosity.

Actually I should ask those questions, but I will not, yes I will, no I won't, yes I will ...........

You mention;

This says to me you want the body of an anatomically correct female body as far as possible and so much, by you saying; "But the body is not right for me" and "having the female body is important too" and "Some days I cry and I am so sad everything is not quite right."

You could be happy living with the body you have now and only you can decide that, if you think that may be the case.  Then there are days that, when you cry, because it is not right, will keep occurring and given time that crying might fade.

What will make you the most happiest person in the whole world right now, having an anatomically correct female body as far as possible or as your body is now?  I would appreciate your answer very much. You can tell me privately via PM if you so wish.

If you read through some of my earlier remarks, I hope they will give you some guidance in some small way.  I will again emphasise to you, do whatever makes you the most happiest person in the world and that means changing your body if that is the case.  You have also said the most important thing you can do and that is to seek clarity with your 'gender therapist', soon.

I hope I have done that good deed, by helping you in some small way.

Please take care Chrissy and all the best for the future and remember you can PM me if you want or join Susan's Discord and we can have a private conversation between us and us only, if you want too.  I do have private conversations with other members on Susan's Discord.

Have a wonderful day.

Best Wishes and Hugs
Sarah B
Official Greeter

Sarah,

Thank you for your kind thoughts and doing a good deed.  I have an appointment and I hope that the session goes well.  I am a pretty stable woman, maybe not that pretty, but stable! I play on words sometimes.  Smiles abound.

Chrissy

[ChrissyRyan]

It is nice to get support here from other women.  Thank you all. 

Hugs,

Chrissy

[ChrissyRyan]

Just a quick note..  The day went very well and my session to talk about a number of things on my mind was helpful and that discussion will be continued.  In the meantime, I have a small action list that I will work on that should be beneficial. I am thinking this through.

Chrissy

[ChrissyRyan]

@Sarah B


Sarah, 

You said this in this topic:  "What will make you the most happiest person in the whole world right now, having an anatomically correct female body as far as possible or as your body is now?"

The answer is complicated and I am thinking this through.  At the moment, I can say I vacillate on this.  I can say that I am happy with how life in general is.  I doubt one can have everything and you cannot have it both ways the same time, and changes are irreversible.

Sometimes the status quo is just fine.  Body dysphoria comes and goes. 

Ah yes, a fence sitter..

One day at a time I say as I am thinking aloud.  Take this one day at a time.
Doors may close and others wait to potentially be opened.

Hugs,

Chrissy

[Jessica_K]

Oh Chrissy this so hard to comment on, but I must. My body dysphoria is overwhelming with nothing I can do about it.

For you this is a big step and reading carefully not one that comes naturally in the plan. But plans change, life changes. Questioning is part of life. And good that you can talk about it with an expert, something said many many times to others. And you have plenty of time.

I know the decisions made by you will come from careful assessment of all the facts that will help you to know your path. As said many times we are all different, we are all women inside, what is outside is our difference.

Love you sister
Jessica.

[Paulie]

Dear Chrissy,

My dysphoria really only shows up when I put on certain dresses, some skirts and some jeans too.  Mostly the snug fitting dress though.  I have no shape to my waist and I have that bump in the front.  Theoretically I could do something about both; losing just a few pounds would go a long way to taking care of the waist.  Taking care of the other, well I'm not sure I'll ever be ready for that, but I'd be lying if I said that the though never crossed my mind.  For now, non-op is working for me.  I can get away with high waist or A-line skirts and dresses.  I'm not as self-conscious about the bump in jeans, and the cut of women's jeans does help. 

Dysphoria has never brought me to tears, I was sad to read that yours has.   I'm glad that for the most part you are okay and basically quite happy.  It's nice to hear that your session went well today and I think having an action list sounds like a good thing. 

Logically thinking there would be 3 basic camps on the op/non-op decision.  Those that know it's for them, those that know it's not for them and all of the rest of us somewhere in between.  I hope someday soon you know for sure, which of the other two camps you fall into.

It's good that you are taking your time and thinking it through.  I agree it's not a matter of a right or wrong decision; it's a matter of knowing what's right for you. 

Warm regards from a sister fence sitter.

Hugs,

Paulie.

[ChrissyRyan]

Oh Chrissy this so hard to comment on, but I must. My body dysphoria is overwhelming with nothing I can do about it.

For you this is a big step and reading carefully not one that comes naturally in the plan. But plans change, life changes. Questioning is part of life. And good that you can talk about it with an expert, something said many many times to others. And you have plenty of time.

I know the decisions made by you will come from careful assessment of all the facts that will help you to know your path. As said many times we are all different, we are all women inside, what is outside is our difference.

Love you sister
Jessica.

Thank you for your sincere thoughts on this Jessica.

Chrissy

[ChrissyRyan]

Dear Chrissy,

My dysphoria really only shows up when I put on certain dresses, some skirts and some jeans too.  Mostly the snug fitting dress though.  I have no shape to my waist and I have that bump in the front.  Theoretically I could do something about both; losing just a few pounds would go a long way to taking care of the waist.  Taking care of the other, well I'm not sure I'll ever be ready for that, but I'd be lying if I said that the though never crossed my mind.  For now, non-op is working for me.  I can get away with high waist or A-line skirts and dresses.  I'm not as self-conscious about the bump in jeans, and the cut of women's jeans does help. 

Dysphoria has never brought me to tears, I was sad to read that yours has.   I'm glad that for the most part you are okay and basically quite happy.  It's nice to hear that your session went well today and I think having an action list sounds like a good thing. 

Logically thinking there would be 3 basic camps on the op/non-op decision.  Those that know it's for them, those that know it's not for them and all of the rest of us somewhere in between.  I hope someday soon you know for sure, which of the other two camps you fall into.

It's good that you are taking your time and thinking it through.  I agree it's not a matter of a right or wrong decision; it's a matter of knowing what's right for you. 

Warm regards from a sister fence sitter.

Hugs,

Paulie.

Paulie,

Thank you for your sharing with me on this matter.

I think I may get a body dysphoria bump when I put on some outfits.  But, when they look nice on me, it is the opposite reaction, that is, these are pleasant, affirming, and satisfying times.  I say to myself, gee you have come a long way. 

Female voice envy gets to me, I admit that. I am a work in progress.

I am working through some needs vs. wants, and a lot of things..  This thinking is good to do.

Chrissy

[ChrissyRyan]

I have a recurring dream that I was a little shorter, around 5 ft 3-4 inches, and nicely proportioned.  I discussed this with my therapist and she reminded me that many women look very feminine six or more inches taller and there certainly was not anything wrong with my height as a woman.  I told her less is more!  We laughed.  Then we discussed more serious matters of course.

Chrissy

[LoriDee]

I had a good friend who was 6 feet tall... taller than I am! She was feminine with good proportions, so her height was almost unnoticeable. I didn't notice until she was standing right in front of me and I could look her in the eyes without stooping.

[Maid Marion]

Taylor Swift is tall and looks very sexy wearing high heels.
Sometimes she will tower over a guy next to her!

[ChrissyRyan]

She looks nice with about whatever she wears.

[ChrissyRyan]

I noticed this morning at the office supply store an attractive lady who apparently had no curves to speak of. 

Maybe there is some hope of real attractiveness after all! 


Chrissy

[ChrissyRyan]

Hi Chrissy

There are so many reasons why members do not go, that 'final step', unless they explicitly state what those reasons are.  As much as I would like to know what those very personal reasons are, I cannot and will not ask them explicitly, why is that?  That is just me being considerate, polite and mindful of their privacy, even though it affects my curiosity.

Actually I should ask those questions, but I will not, yes I will, no I won't, yes I will ...........

Have a wonderful day.

Best Wishes and Hugs
Sarah B
Official Greeter

I am working on a checklist of followup action items to resolve in my mind as to what would be the right course of action for me.  I need more time to process this and then maybe the answers will be obvious.  I realize I am not providing any details here at the moment. 

It is obvious to me that I have some doubts, uncertainty, and fear.  Enough said, and you probably heard most of those things before too.  I will get through this indecisive fence sitting eventually.  Fortunately I am not on a timetable.

Chrissy

[Sarah B]

Hi Chrissy

Thank you for replying to my post and I really appreciated your candid answers.  You mention this in one of your posts

The answer is complicated and I am thinking this through.  At the moment, I can say I vacillate on this.  I can say that I am happy with how life in general is.  I doubt one can have everything and you cannot have it both ways the same time, and changes are irreversible.

Sometimes the status quo is just fine.  Body dysphoria comes and goes. 

Ah yes, a fence sitter..

I understand it's complicated for you without knowing the details.  There are times when one cannot have everything that one wants and you have to decide which is more important for you.  There is only one major change that I consider, that is totally irreversible and that is bottom surgery.

There is nothing wrong with being a fence sitter, I'm one as well, depending on the issue and wait to see which pasture is greener!

One day at a time I say as I am thinking aloud.  Take this one day at a time.
Doors may close and others wait to potentially be opened.

Hugs,

Chrissy

I hope you find the answers that you are looking

Love and Hugs
Sarah B
Official Greeter
@ChrissyRyan

[Sarah B]

Hi Everyone

Women come in all shapes and sizes!

Love and Hugs
Sarah B
Official Greeter