One valuable thing that Susan's and Danielle deliver

[Oldandcreaky]

I transitioned pre-Internet. Susan's didn't exist, so I was largely without mentors in the process. There was no Danielle to coach me in choosing a situationally appropriate wardrobe. I muddled my way, but Susan's and coaching like Danielle delivers would have helped.

I flew to Thailand for FFS about 15 years ago and at that point, I had been living in the female role for a couple decades, so I wore what many women my age wore, i.e. loose, comfy, cotton clothing. The transwomen I met there wore the gamut, from full length evening gowns with sequins on 90-degree days to practical outfits. The former needed Danielle's wisdom.

[Sarah B]

Hi Q&C

Reading your post brought back memories on my early days and I will answer the statement you proposed in the title.  You mentioned in your post;

I transitioned pre-Internet. Susan's didn't exist, so I was largely without mentors in the process. There was no Danielle to coach me in choosing a situationally appropriate wardrobe. I muddled my way, but Susan's and coaching like Danielle delivers would have helped.

Like you I also changed my life around before the internet took off and the beginnings of that change started in 1987 and 1988, well actually the two Christmas periods.  The only piece of information and knowledge that I had at that time was an article from 'men's magazine', which showed an outline of man which transformed into a woman over 5 drawings.

That was it, in a nutshell.  The internet began to enter general use in from around 1993 to 1995 and even then I did not really have access to the internet even then.  I just started going to university in 1994.  In 1989, I changed my life around completely, I never muddled my way around, I just changed my clothes, used makeup and lived my life as a women.  To me, looking back, doing what I was doing, was just common sense to me at least and I did certain things, so that I could achieve that change.

Susan's Place was not even around at the time and I believe, did not really start until around 1995, by that stage I was four years post op.  So I did not need any mentoring and even when I changed my life around I did not need any either.  The only thing that Susan's Place could have provided at the time would have been knowledge and information and that has not changed since its inception, except for peer support and friends.

I flew to Thailand for FFS about 15 years ago and at that point, I had been living in the female role for a couple decades, so I wore what many women my age wore, i.e. loose, comfy, cotton clothing. The transwomen I met there wore the gamut, from full length evening gowns with sequins on 90-degree days to practical outfits. The former needed Danielle's wisdom.

If I was to have any surgery, two stand out for me, one would remove the bags under my eyes (drying, googles and age) and two bring my breasts together so that I would have more cleavage!

I also as women, wore the gamut of clothing, evening dresses, gowns, dressing for work, casual clothing and trackie dacks when I went to University.  I just looked at women's magazines and females and got what I liked from them and this was just how I did it in my time and still do to this day, with addition of the internet.

So the statement remains what;  "One valuable thing that Susan's and Danielle deliver".  I would change to , "The most valuable things that Susan's and its members deliver", would be;

• Knowledge
• Information
• Peer Support
• Friends

If I had not left Susan's in 2012,  I would more than likely be mentoring Danielle!

Take care and look after yourself.

Love and Hugs
Sarah B
Official Greeter
@Northern Star Girl
@Oldandcreaky

[BlueJaye]

I found men's clothing styles stifling and uninteresting. I never got into men's clothing fashion much because everything seemed so boring and ugly. And my style when I was living as a man reflected those feelings. I didn't have any outfits that I really liked or felt like they expressed anything about me.

Women's clothing choices are so much more varied and customizable to express your self. I am by no means a fashionista, but I actually own outfits now that I feel confident and happy in while wearing them. My favorite is my business suit.

Mentorship from more experienced women, whether cisgender or transgender, is important. A lot of transgender women dress like 12 year old girls. And I don't say that to shame anyone. I say it because that is where a lot of start out at. Like a child who is just learning to select and wear their own clothing. Without having had a childhood of living as a girl, we never had those foundational experiences at a young age. So we end up having to navigate the same learning experiences that most women go through in adolescence.

I was fortunate that my wife, mother, and a good friend all helped me to rather quickly figure out how to dress myself and look professional or to dress casual without appearing strange. I definitely recommend listening to other women in your life who are willing to help you learn about clothing and style.

[Devlyn]

I think the best thing the site provides is a safe place to exchange information and support...not tips on how anyone "should" dress.

[Northern Star Girl]

I am not telling anyone how to dress, I am just giving information about the things that have
worked well for me in my unique situation. 
Everyone has different personal, romantic, family, and employment situations that require a
"custom" approach that they have to determine for themselves and adapt to.

In many of my comments and posts around the Forums I have stated many times about when I relocated
to a small rural conservative town in 2017 when I first came out where I live now as a full-time
woman and started my own woman owned CPA and Financial Advising small business, that because I was
dealing with the financial affairs of my business and individual clients I made a point to blend-in
and not stand-out when attending social events, the town's business meetings and civic events.

I always dress conservatively, no flashy skin bearing outfits, and I always try to exhibit the visual
and personal traits of a responsible and respectable woman. That includes not only appearance,
but also language and importantly, for me, a pleasant, helpful and encouraging demeanor.

My opinion is that flying "under the radar" is a good plan for most coming out transgender men and women
and seems to work well for me in my situation.  When I finally came-out and revealed my "secret" to the
entire town and my new friends... I also made a point to not shove my trans-status in anyone's faces.

In my opinion I feel that I was overwhelmingly accepted because I became involved in local charity events
and various private clubs, gum gals group, running and jogging clubs, hiking clubs, book clubs,
cooking clubs and other activities where I could meet and greet a variety of people, many of which have
become good friends... and some became my clients in my business.

My personal motto is if you want friends, smile, be friendly, and be willing to be the first to
say hello and start a conversation.

I regularly invite people to my home for game nights, dinner gatherings, etc.... and I never refuse a
reciprocal invitation, if done too many times one could end up being taken off the invitation list.

You can read my first years at my new home town in my Hunted Prey blog thread
                          I am the HUNTED PREY : Danielle's Chronicles   
and my other blog threads shown in my signature line at the bottom of any of my postings.

HUGS, Danielle

[imallie]

Finding this place prior to finding a therapist (and in fact finding a therapist through a fellow member here), this place was a godsend in feeling part of a community.

I'm not sure it's about meeting people "like you" necessarily, either. People come from all different walks of life, are in all different stages of transition (or some are never going to, and being here is as close as they will come)... but there is a kinship, a lingua Franca that I never had with anyone else in my life before.

I could share these thoughts and feelings, and read something that someone wrote and I would say  "yeah, that reminds me of when I felt like that" and it made me both less alone, and validated.

And even now, as my real life support system grows bigger and deeper roots, it's hard not to be drawn back here often, again to people who speak the same language ... but also to also try to in my own tiny way, pay back the kindness I received in my early days by trying to share things that might make others who feel alone say "yeah, I've felt like that."

Love,
Allie