I mentioned that my mother had pictures of me as a baby in dresses. I sometimes wonder if it may have been to punish me for being a boy. But then it could have been because she wanted a girl. Two years after I was born, my mother gave birth to a girl, who got phenomena right away, and lived for only 24 hours. My mother clams she was full term, but was small enough to fit in a shoe box.
(Just so you understand, it was about 1990 that I ended up in therapy with an identity crisis. I think they were not interested in helping me as much as getting as much money out of me as they could.)
I have in front of me a photo of me at 3 years old. I am holding a 30? inch doll. It is hard to tell, but it looks like I might be wearing a dress. I also have black eyes, and it looks like my fingers may be bruised. Literally slap my hands for punishment. (Years later I asked what happened to the doll, and was told that I never had a large doll.) ( my mother once said that she never put dresses on any of her boys.)
I could be sitting at the table and my mother would yank my hair to make me sit up straight. my sister made some comment and my face got slapped from behind. When my mother gave me a haircut, She would yank my hair to make me sit still. I say my mother tried to use the palm of her hand to teach me respect for women, all she taught me was fear.
She insisted that I live there as she did not like to drive and I needed to drive her around.
In the 1990s I was going to therapy twice a week, while at home I started getting catalogs for women's clothes. I still have my high heels from Fredric's Of Hollywood. About that time, I pierced my own ears. My mother told everyone that I wore both earrings because I didn't know which ear meant straight.
I would be in and out of therapy and at some point one therapist asked about masturbation, It turned out that masturbation meant that I enjoyed being a male, so therefore I was not trans.
Since I was already wearing earrings at work, I decided to take things a bit further. Transitioning at work was easy, all I had to do was remove my outer shirt and I had a bra under my t shirt and I was wearing women's jeans and shoes. However, I was told by the supervisor that I was not allowed to use the women's restroom. My panties ended up in the laundry and there wasn't much said about it.
A rumor went around about me planning on getting a sex change, and my mother heard it. my mother gave me a talking to and stated that I better think about it for a long time. I figured 50 years should be long enough.Some days later, I forgot to take off my women's ring when I went downstairs. My mother grabbed my hand, looked at the ring and then slapped my face.
Everything got boxed up and put away. Nothing was thrown out. That was about 15 years ago.
My mother died November 2021. In June of 2023, I had found my earrings and was wearing them again. I got an online therapist, and started gathering up my clothes. I had gone to Walmart and gotten some women's tops and bras. I even found some size 12 women's athletic shoes at Walmart. I had started taking my men's clothes and shoes to the thrift shop. July 1st of 2023, everything came to an abrupt stop, when my roller skates went out from under me. Fate gave me a kick in the rear, and I was in the hospital with two broken wrists. It is a bit difficult to use the bathroom when you have two broken wrists. I was forced to accept the help of the women for me to use the bathroom. That meant they were in the bathroom at the same time I was. It wasn't much different for me to use the women's rest room in the store, except I no longer needed help. That may have been August. By then I was wearing skirts when I went shopping. I was also carrying a purse.
Michelle
I was never married or in a relationship with anyone. I found men to be attractive, and church frowned on that, besides, A gay relationship did not appeal to me.
