Hello everyone

[Allison_suddenly]

Hi everyone,

I'm Allison, 49 years old from Singapore. I only accepted I am a transwoman sometime in January 2024. But I've been questioning on and off for about 5 years. Prior to that I had no idea and was probably in denial. I had occasional fantasies about being a woman but assumed that all cis people had those.

However, from a young age I've been obsessed with gender change as a concept. I used to hungrily devour any books, news or magazine articles about transgender people. I would read transgender erotica online later in life and continued to do so daily for decades. There are many other signs of repressed transness sprinkled throughout my life.

Anyway, now I am questioning how far I want to take my transition. I started low dose HRT 10 weeks ago and it made me feel much better and more certain than ever that I'm trans. But I may never transition because I want to stay married to my wife of 24 years. I have come out to her and she is not supportive. But she has said she will stay married if I only continue on HRT and never live as a woman.

I know many people have said I will probably end up miserable and resenting my wife anyway, but I still feel like that's most likely the direction I will be headed.

[Iztaccihuatl]

Hi Allison,

Your story appears to be a mirror image of mine. My wife and I wave settled on a status quo that requires me to only show my feminine side inside the house, but outside she insists of me presenting male. I am not happy with the status quo, but we are limping along.

I just wanted to let you know that whatever works for you is fine. You might be able to preserve your current status, but you also might not, only time will tell. There is nothing wrong with your current approach if it works for you both.

Hugs,

Heidemarie

[imallie]

Hi Allison - first of all, welcome! Second of all, like Heidemarie has already said... there not only are people here whose stories will be similar to yours (as hers is) but more importantly your story is unique to you!

Don't let others write the story of you and your wife. That story is yet to be written... and when it is, it'll be done by the two of you. All outcomes are still possible, but I can tell you this, the fact that you already have an open line of communication with her puts you way ahead of the curve!! That's a really great start!!

Maybe you might want to consider enlisting the help of a gender therapist? For you as an individual to talk through all the issues you're dealing with and/or someone separately to work with both of you as a couple (or someone just to with your wife?). No reason to go through any of this alone.

Yes, you have each other... and that is huge, but if you have the ability to bring in some professional help to help navigate things, you might find it of use.

Regardless, just wanted to add my "welcome!" And hope you find Susan's to be the warm and supportive place many of us know it to be!

Love,
Allie

[LoriDee]

Welcome again, Allison!

Thank you for the introduction. I sincerely hope that you and your wife can reach a resolution that you both can be happy with. As Allie said, a therapist can be a big help with communication between you and your wife but also help both of you understand what is involved and how to handle that.

If you are looking for more information or advice, you are in the right place! Feel free to reach out. Our members are here to help each other.

[Allison_suddenly]

Thanks all for the warm welcome! I am seeing a personal gender therapist, and my wife and I went for one session of couples counselling. She didn't want to be there, and the therapist said it was pointless to continue with more sessions until my wife is ready. My wife doesn't want personal therapy either.

I have gone out in public in androgynous womenswear and enjoy it. If I have to wear men's clothes I do it reluctantly, but the dysphoria is mild. I am currently growing my hair out and ideally would like it to be at least shoulder length, but that will make male-moding harder. It's already brushing my ears and I will have to make a decision about it sooner or later.

I've also lost more than 10kg of weight and will continue to lose weight. I suspect even with low dose HRT, the weight + hair will eventually make me look extremely androgynous. Things will come to a head eventually.

[LoriDee]

I am glad to know you are seeing a therapist. It is difficult to do all of this totally on your own. The members here are very helpful, but you really need someone on the ground to help you navigate. As a retired hypnotherapist, I understand the value of having that help.

In my own story, I sought therapy for totally different reasons and at first rejected my diagnosis. I then spent two years with my therapist learning and trying to understand what it all meant. There is so much wrong information out there. As I learned what it means to be transgender, I began to see that the psychologist was correct in his diagnosis, and I accepted that this is who I am. Since that time, my therapy has focused on the obstacles I face in transitioning, and how to overcome them or handle those that I cannot.

I wish you all the best in your journey.

[ChrissyRyan]

Hi Allison!

Welcome!

Chrissy