psychological

[Michelle_K]

affecting or arising in the mind. That might not be the proper word.
What I want may be the word psychosomatic, a mental state affecting the physical body. Such as stress causing abdominal pain.
Is it possible that some kind of stress would happen every month to cause severe abdominal cramps, making me run to the restroom. This would be one day every month. To figure this out, I decided to keep track of it. It turned out to be some random thing that did not fall on the same day every month. Since it was not on the same day every month it was not a cycle. Being curious I decided to count the days. I had kept track over several months, so I had good data. Interesting thing I found it was not random. It was a 28 day cycle, with one being 27 days. It was strange to me, women have a monthly cycle every thirty days,right? Anyway it was meaningless.
If I believed that I had female organs, then somehow my mind could cause me to have cramps every thirty days just like a woman. At this time I would have been in my early to mid 20s.

I definitely have external male organs. This means that I should not have internal female organs. I would not know the location of the ovaries, so the idea that my mind would manufacture a statement in my medical records that the doctor performing my appendectomy observed a healthy ovary, would not make sense. Research has shown that it is very likely that an ovary may be observed. The possibility that there was another patient having the same surgery is considered. Also taken into consideration is the fact that this is a military hospital on an army base, and thus it is not likely that there was another patient, with the same doctor having the same operation. And yet a medical doctor has told me it is not possible.

To show the power of the mind, I had another thing to write. I remember throwing a hay fork and it hit my cousin in the legs. Actually that was a memory that my mind manufactured, being told by my father what had happened. He never asked what happened, he told me what happened. Since my father never lied, then my memory was false. A movie with a hay fork jabbed into the legs really shook me up because of the real truth of what happened. There were three people there when my cousin got hit in the legs, and I also had marks on my legs. My sister had the fork in her hands.
There seemed to be an idea that girls never lie and boys don't tell the truth. I don't know if my sister told him it was that way, of if he came to that conclusion on his own. I doubt if my sister even remembers anything about it, and I'm not going to ask her.
Michelle

[LoriDee]

Hi Michelle,

There is such a thing as a false memory. It might be manufactured by your mind for some reason, or it could be an influence from an outside source, (father told you it happened, etc.). I have a cousin with mental health issues (schizophrenia) and anytime she reads about an illness or condition, she believes she has that. She does not develop actual symptoms, but her mind believes she is having those symptoms.

She stayed with me for about four months because she wanted hypnotherapy to help her reduce her pain levels, thus reducing her medication intake. She once told me about a wedding she attended. She described everything in detail. When I asked her if she knew the couple, she said no. I asked if she knew anyone there, and she said no. So I wondered why she was even there. I asked her when this took place. She said it happened last week. Then I reminded her that during the previous week, she was with me in South Dakota. She then realized that she had dreamed it or it may have been a delusion.

Now she is on medication that helps with all of that. Many people associate Schizophrenia with split personalities or Multiple Personality Disorder. But schizophrenia, even in mild cases can make it difficult to differentiate between reality and imaginings. Perhaps you could check in with your mental health provider and see what they have to say about it.

I also believe that the story of the surgeon discovering an ovary while doing an appendectomy is highly unlikely. I'm not saying it is impossible, just unlikely. The appendix is located in the lower right abdomen. My father's surgical scar from when he was in high school, is only a couple of inches long. The ovaries are located higher in the abdomen in front of the kidneys. You can do an internet search for diagrams. Unless you were having a C-section or hysterectomy, the chances of spotting something that high up while operating that far down are unlikely.

If such a discovery was made by a surgeon, they would most certainly discuss that with you before entering it into your medical records. They would want to know if you are experiencing pain or any other symptoms from it. Since the ovary produces hormones, they would order lab tests to check your hormones to see if your estrogen levels were elevated, or if it was somehow affecting your other hormone levels. I think you should consider that this too may be one of many false memories that a mental health professional could help you with.

My concern here is your mental well-being. If you are being haunted by these thoughts, and they are not real then your mental health could be adversely affected. If they are a reality, and these things actually happened, a mental health provider can help you deal with these traumas. That would cause your mental health to improve putting you on the path to happiness once you can let go of these burdens.

I am not trying to imply anything or offend you in any way. As a retired Hypnotherapist I recognize that you are struggling with some issues from your past and I would truly like to see you get some help with these. We all want what is in your best interests.

[KathyLauren]

Just based on anecdotal reports, it seems like trans women on HRT can have a monthly cycle.  To the best of my knowledge, this has received no official study, so the reports remain anecdotal.  But it is by no means uncommon.  I started a thread on this a while back and got quite a few responses.  Unfortunately, the thread was lost in a system crash.

After my GRS, I experienced a lot of pain from scar tissue.  Initially, it was continuous, but after a year or two, I started to notice that I could go a couple of weeks without pain before it came back.  I started to keep track of when I felt the pain and discovered that it would recur every 26 days, quite regularly.  Over a longer period of time, the cycle varies a bit, from 24 to 28 days, but with a very steady average of 26 days.  The pain is continuing to improve, so it is becoming less noticeable in recent months. 

I have not noticed any emotional effects of this cycle.

I assume that it is not psychosomatic.  It seems more reasonable to me that the human body regulates its hormones in a cyclical fashion, and that it is therefore a real physical phenomenon.  But again, there is no actual research on this.  I did participate in one online survey on the subject, so I guess someone wants to study it, but I have seen no results published.

[LoriDee]

It seems more reasonable to me that the human body regulates its hormones in a cyclical fashion, and that it is therefore a real physical phenomenon.

Thank you, Kathy_Lauren!

Yes, a 28-day hormonal cycle makes perfect sense. I would like to see more research in this area. When one considers that cis-women on birth control pills take them for 21 days, then sugar pills for seven days to mimic the cycle, it makes sense.

[SoupSarah]

If you have a scrotum and testes (or had them) then you don't have ovaries. Developmental biology shows us that the stem cells for the gonads go in one of two ways.. they form either an ovary or a teste.. now, in Androgen insensitive women, born with a disorder that means they do not respond to testosterone, despite having an XY chromosome, they develop as females and the gonads are in the exact right place of the ovaries, except, these are testes in these women. They tend not to be functional, but it shows the above is true.. if you can feel where your gonads are, then that's them.. you don't get extra's..  I f you have never had any you could feel, then it is debatable that you were assigned male at birth.

Cyclic rhythm's are a natural part of biology. Without a uterus you won't be having a female cycle, as in menses. the uterus is important in producing hormones that give the 'feedback loop' to this cycle - it is the uterus cramping that causes the abdominal pain too, so if you got pains there, it' 'aint periods ladies..Maybe you shouldn't of eaten that Mexican food?

That said, there are many many cycles. Even men have a testosterone cycle - it can be days, weeks.. you know.. its biology so its messy.. There is always the adage that with enough data you can ALWAYS find what you are looking for. But if you are artificially applying a 'same dose' hormone to your body, each and every day, then there is not going to be a regulatory cycle from that. Birth control pills are staged, as in each day has a different dose.. they are also designed to work with the natural system and ovaries/uterus's etc...  birth control is nothing like HRT and is by design cyclical

[Sarah B]

Hi Michelle

I hope you are well and you are in good spirits.  I have been following your posts since you have arrived at Susan's Place and in the process I have learned a little about your life and it is very interesting.

I noticed that you have asked a lot of questions, mentioned what has happened to you over the course of your life and of course your health.

So I would like to suggest to you, depending on your finances, is to get tested for the various medical conditions that you mentioned like, Klinefelter Syndrome, ADHD, autism, intersex conditions by taking a chromosome tests and of course a base line of hormone levels.

If and when you decide to get those tests and others, you must insist that those tests be done and that you will not take No for an answer.  If they still refuse then go somewhere else, that will do those tests.

In doing these tests, they will finally give you the peace of mind you deserve and they will provide you with information that will enable to live your life to the best of your ability regardless of what the results are and what you do in the future.

If you want to go on female hormones and reduce your testosterone levels, then seek a primary care giver and 'therapist' that practices 'informed consent' and is able to prescribe hormones.  I do not know what levels LDL or HDL should be as I'm not a 'doctor'.  Your body needs the appropriate hormones and from your avatar picture, I know what hormones I would be seeking

You should see an endocrinologist to provide you with an expert opinion.  When your current doctor said "you need to raise your HDL", it seems to me, that the doctor maybe 'gate keeping', there is no reason mentioned as to why you should raise your HDL levels to get hormones.  The body needs hormones, regardless of what type and there are too many variables involved to know exactly what goes on if you take estrogen.

Regardless of my levels of LDL or HDL, I was never tested for those levels in conjunction with my hormone levels and yet I got my hormones, which were prescribed by my doctor at the time I changed my life around and my endocrinologist at the time check my levels and they were normal and I continue to receive them to this day.

I noticed that you have an internet therapist, which is good to hear, as they can help you find the truth about what has happened to you in the past.  It seems that one time 'therapist' that said "that you are not trans', was wrong and would not know if a bar of soap, hit them in their face.

Your gender is up to you to decide and only you, you could be a female (I have always been female), you could be non binary, trans whatever or male.  Your history, current thoughts and with your therapist, you will be able to make that decision.

Take care, all the best for the future and please let us know how you go.

Love and Hugs
Sarah B
Official Greeter

[Michelle_K]

I think I should go back one year and clarify my story. It seems I was really out of shape, I would go out walking, sometimes running out of breath and getting chest pains before I would travel one block. Other times I could walk a whole mile without any pain. It was in June that I picked up my earrings from beside my computer. Somehow during the move from the farm three years ago, my earring ended up there. It had been 15-20 years since I had worn earrings. That was the time my mother slapped my face after seeing a woman's ring on my finger, which was shortly after she said I better think a long time about any sex change.
Putting on my earrings, I also decided to have a therapist as a safety net. Mid June I gave up smoking as trying to take a puff ended up with a coughing fit. Is it possible, a smoker becoming allergic to cigarette smoke? The CT lung scan shows scaring but no cancer.
July 1st, I decide to roller skate on the sidewalk. I fell and broke both wrists. I managed to remove my skates and put on my shoes, before walking to the neighbor to get help. In the hospital emergency room I am a new patient, with no records, and no phone. In a metal case in my pocket are my driver's license, Medicare card, and credit cards. Once that is realized, the paperwork becomes easier. It may be due to the fact that I was wearing women's underwear, that I got listed as transgender female.
About January this year, I picked a primary care provider, and got an appointment. I had a list of things to be done, one being getting my hormones tested. She surprised me when she stated I needed a cholesterol test to make sure it was safe for me to take hormones. Suggested I get into therapy for testing, and then see about getting estrogen and testosterone blocker. I never did get my hormones tested.
At the time I got my cholesterol test, I also got the PSA test. I was very high maybe due to the exercise bike that morning. I explained to her that I am false positive, had a biopsy done in 2005 that came back with inflation. A second PSA test shows lower than the first, but still high. She suggested I get an ultrasound done. I now have an appointment with an urologist.
I still haven't gotten my hormones tested.(I did get it back about 2005, but the records are lost.) I am aware that I can order the test online and then drive the 100 miles to where I get tested.
I live in Minnesota, and I know that the informed consent place is only about 10 miles away. I also know the dangers of taking hormones, the dangers mostly due to horse estrogen doesn't work in humans.
Michelle

[Michelle_K]

It gets a little complicated when I do something my dad said I should do, even though it may be for entirely different reasons. My dad had porn videos, one being about a peeping tom. In the video, a guy dresses as a woman to enter some women's only area, I don't recall what area as I was a teenager at the time. My dad's remark was that I should dress as a woman so I can go into the women's restroom to spy on them. It got laughs from the other guys who were watching the movies.
It just got to a point where my feelings of not being safe in a men's restroom overwhelmed me. I used the family restroom in a Walmart for awhile. Once a guy followed me into the family restroom, claiming he was looking for his backpack, which was not there. It wasn't long after that I took the final step and entered the women's restroom. I got lucky as I was the only person in there. Most of the time, if I use the restroom in the back, I will be the only person there. It is difficult to know if a stall is open when the door shuts by itself. once, I was at the stall door and it opened and I was face to face with the person leaving, she said your turn.
My dad had told me that his badge and gun are proof that he never lies. His statement may have been to embarrass me in front of his friends, to boost his ego.
Michelle

[Michelle_K]

When I was in the hospital with the broken wrists, someone made a remark about my long fingers. With the long fingers, I would have a great span to play the piano. Due to the run in with the wash machine wringer I had a weak little finger and my hand would go numb. It was not fun knowing your hand is on the motorcycle handlebar and no feelings in that hand.
When the doctor put the plates in my wrists, he also took care of the carpel tunnel. In one visit I stated I kept thinking about the piano joke. He said lets hear it.
I held up my hands with the braces on them and asked if I would be able to play the piano. He said yes. I then said I never played the piano before.
Honestly, with the carpel tunnel taken care of, I should now have the downward pressure in my little finger needed to press the keys. At one time I was taught how to play the accordion, and for some reason didn't continue. I wonder if my fingers remember the proper keys. There is a portable cord organ around here someplace.
Michelle