Terrible dysphoria today

[Alana Ashleigh]

I saw a woman this morning, and her entire presentation, hair, clothes, etc ( she looked how I would like look) gave me the worst dysphoria I've ever had. I couldn't focus the rest of the day, and have felt so uncomfortable, and distressed all day.

[Lori Dee]

Do something to take your mind off of it. Take a bubble bath, shave your legs, paint your nails, put on some makeup, read a book, or play a video game. That works for me.

Remember that any time you feel anxiety, depression, etc. there are three ways to counteract it:

1) Change your thinking. Think about something else.
2) Change your activity. Read a book, take a bath, listen to music. (These help you do #1)
3) Change your environment. Do something in another room, like taking a bath. Go for a walk. Talk to a neighbor.

When you start feeling down, do one or more of these and you will feel better. Put your triggers behind you. Good luck.

Hugs!

[Sarah B]

Hi Alana

Sorry to hear that you are having a hard time again with your dysphoria.  Lori has suggested somethings to do to take your mind of it.  I would do what Lori mentioned you should do to alleviate the symptoms.

There are a couple of other things that you could do, one is to seek another 'therapist' appointment,  It looks like it has been almost a month since you spoke to one.  Maybe talk to them about what you can do in the future to combat this dysphoria.

Second, Iztaccihuatl mentioned a couple of things you can do, in this thread which you started, Ways to be feminine in guy mode.  It might be a good idea to reread that thread in general.

If you need further help please let us know as we are here to help you ease the pain that you are going through.

All the best for the future.

Love and Hugs
Sarah B
Official Greeter
@LoriDee
@Alana1990

[Alana Ashleigh]

@Sarah B, I usually can distract myself and change my thoughts. Nothing I did seem to distract me. The heat at work definitely didn't help. I'm planning on doing some of the things on that list this weekend. I bought a purse a few weeks ago that I'm planning on carrying this weekend, and I'm getting my legs waxed next weekend, too.

[Sarah B]

Hi Alana

You Go Girl

Especially the leg waxing, the best way to have hair free legs!


Love and Hugs
Sarah B
Official Greeter
@LoriDee
@Alana1990

[Alana Ashleigh]

@Sarah B, I booked the leg waxing a month ago. I've been counting down the days. I'm giddy with excitement to have smooth legs. I haven't had hairless legs since I was in college. 16 years of cycling and hiking has given me good legs to show off. 😁

[Lilis]

I saw a woman this morning, and her entire presentation, hair, clothes, etc ( she looked how I would like look) gave me the worst dysphoria I've ever had. I couldn't focus the rest of the day, and have felt so uncomfortable, and distressed all day.

I agree with what LoriDee and Sarah B said.

Just to add some of my experience I like to say that living in a big city here in the north east in the united states, this worst dysphoria happens to me everyday. Specially this time of year with the warm weather, all the beautiful cisgender and transgender women are flaunting their beautiful entire presentation.

To combat this dysphoria, I say to myself that I'm still early in my transition, and with some luck, hard work, and dedication I will be out there with them 3 years from now.

Just today I shaved all my facial hairs for the first time since starting hrt a week ago. I must admit I am happy with the results, I haven't had such a closed shave and smooths skin on my face from shaving since I first shaved the peach fuss when I was a teenager.

What I'm trying to say is that it helps me when I focus on my own journey and celebrate the small victories.

I hope that helps, we're going to be beautiful women soon too.

[Sarah B]

Hi Alana

When I changed my life around I would have my legs waxed, done professionally and I was able to do this as I was working.  It was a pain to wax or shave them yourself, well to me.  If I had hairy legs (did not get the chance to get them done) and I had to go out for the evening.  I would wear stockings.  For work, I always wore them regardless the state of my legs.

I guess over time with hormones and constant waxing, one time I noticed the hairs were extremely fine and I think when I noticed this I thought the wax would break the hairs of at the surface of the skin.  I think it was after this observation, I never worried about the hairs on my legs and today I really have to look up close to see them!

I never really had my arms waxed or even shaved, I noticed some girls had hairy arms so in that sense I never worried about them and just like my legs I really have to look up close to see them now.

On the weekend which was beauty treatment, extensive electrolysis and then on the Sunday evening it was waxing of the face.  Ready for the following week.  I noticed early on that my facial hair went white, more than likely because of the waxing, hormones and electrolysis.  I believe it was about a year and half that finally they gave up growing and my beautician at the time said I cannot find any to kill.  Yay!!

Happy hair pulling for the future.

Love and Hugs
Sarah B
Official Greeter
@Alana1990
@Lilis

[she she]

I hate it when that happens to me,   some women will not effect me and at times a certain cis woman will just freak me out and I'm messed up all day.   There are times when I will hate that cis woman for no other reason other than her looks and I get jealous and mad at her for dressing that way and effecting me like it does. 

I just force my mind to think of something masculine,,, I hate my life !   

[Lilis]

I hate it when that happens to me,   some women will not effect me and at times a certain cis woman will just freak me out and I'm messed up all day.   There are times when I will hate that cis woman for no other reason other than her looks and I get jealous and mad at her for dressing that way and effecting me like it does. 

I just force my mind to think of something masculine,,, I hate my life !   

Hey she she, I'm sorry you're going through this. It must be really overwhelming. I want you to know that it's okay to feel this way. Your feelings are valid, and you're not alone in this.

It's important to remember that beauty standards can be incredibly unfair and don't reflect everyone's unique beauty. It's natural to compare ourselves to others, but I want to remind you of something important. The diversity of beauty is something to celebrate, not to compare or compete with.

Your journey is unique, and it's filled with experiences that make you who you are today, and there have been times when you've probably felt really good about yourself. There's so much to offer beyond just appearance. Personality, talents, and kindness shine through in so many ways.

There are professionals who specialize in helping people navigate these feelings. They can offer strategies tailored to your experiences.

I hope that helps, you're filled with strength and beauty, inside and out.

[Alana Ashleigh]

I hate it when that happens to me,  some women will not effect me and at times a certain cis woman will just freak me out and I'm messed up all day.  There are times when I will hate that cis woman for no other reason other than her looks and I get jealous and mad at her for dressing that way and effecting me like it does. 

I just force my mind to think of something masculine,,, I hate my life ! 

It's a terrible feeling. That first time it happened to me, it caught me off guard. I had never experienced anything like that before, and it really messed with my head. I've have jealousy problems as well. It's not a fun feeling.

[imallie]

Hey there Alana -

I'm so so sorry you have to deal with dysphoria. I'm so grateful to have that in my rear view mirror.

All of Lori's tips are great, as are all the other coping techniques mentioned... I always thought everything was worth a shot.

But what I wanted to add was a bit of perspective on two parts of it.

One, like I said I'm really glad it's in my rear view mirror - meaning...this isn't a forever thing. For me, once I started HRT that was it -- dysphoria was a thing of a the past. For others it slowly fades away. For others still, it leaves at other points in a transition. It's different for everyone, but one things for sure, somewhere along the path of a transition.. it will vanish or become so minimal you won't give it any thought.

So ... since it's a temporary thing? I KNOW you've got the inner strength to get through it. Just always remind yourself - this is NOT a permanent thing. This episode will pass, and the whole thing will eventually end. Knowing that really helps.

Second, seeing a beautiful cis woman... or maybe it's not her physical features as much as the way she's put together in her attire, demeanor, lifestyle, etc... certainly can be triggering. I know it got me too. And it was never one type of woman, either.

But again, what helped me to realize is all those things that are triggering you now, those are getting burned onto the vision board of the "new you" in your mind. You don't really think of it that way, but it's true. Something you see just clicks and your brain recognizes some aspect of YOU... so it's like striking a raw nerve.

Does it make it hurt any less. No of course not. But... just know that each time you go through it, you're likely collecting a few more pics for that board.

Lastly... I'm not a public picture sharer (sorry!) but gosh, trust me on this one... If I told you where I started, and where I am all of a sudden in just the last few weeks (my first of ever dressing or going out in public... and now i'm basically full-time)... I look in the mirror and it shocks me. I mean, I'm still not much to actually look at (Lori has actually seen pics so she can confirm this! LOL), but from where I started and how I'm received is quite amazing.

So what I'm saying is... hang in there sweetie, it very much gets better!!

Love,
Allie

[she she]

To help with my dysphoria today I'm going to a show to see The Bikers, looks like a cool movie.    I will dress M but I will wear shorts with my nude thigh highs.    That will give me some mental rest at best.   It is hot out and I thought about a skirt and the rest of me looking M.   I have dressed in that style before and I get compliments from cis women, LOL   figure that   

[Alana Ashleigh]

Hey there Alana -

I'm so so sorry you have to deal with dysphoria. I'm so grateful to have that in my rear view mirror.

All of Lori's tips are great, as are all the other coping techniques mentioned... I always thought everything was worth a shot.

But what I wanted to add was a bit of perspective on two parts of it.

One, like I said I'm really glad it's in my rear view mirror - meaning...this isn't a forever thing. For me, once I started HRT that was it -- dysphoria was a thing of a the past. For others it slowly fades away. For others still, it leaves at other points in a transition. It's different for everyone, but one things for sure, somewhere along the path of a transition.. it will vanish or become so minimal you won't give it any thought.

So ... since it's a temporary thing? I KNOW you've got the inner strength to get through it. Just always remind yourself - this is NOT a permanent thing. This episode will pass, and the whole thing will eventually end. Knowing that really helps.

Second, seeing a beautiful cis woman... or maybe it's not her physical features as much as the way she's put together in her attire, demeanor, lifestyle, etc... certainly can be triggering. I know it got me too. And it was never one type of woman, either.

But again, what helped me to realize is all those things that are triggering you now, those are getting burned onto the vision board of the "new you" in your mind. You don't really think of it that way, but it's true. Something you see just clicks and your brain recognizes some aspect of YOU... so it's like striking a raw nerve.

Does it make it hurt any less. No of course not. But... just know that each time you go through it, you're likely collecting a few more pics for that board.

Lastly... I'm not a public picture sharer (sorry!) but gosh, trust me on this one... If I told you where I started, and where I am all of a sudden in just the last few weeks (my first of ever dressing or going out in public... and now i'm basically full-time)... I look in the mirror and it shocks me. I mean, I'm still not much to actually look at (Lori has actually seen pics so she can confirm this! LOL), but from where I started and how I'm received is quite amazing.

So what I'm saying is... hang in there sweetie, it very much gets better!!

Love,
Allie

Allie, you're 100 percent right when you said the "new you." That's exactly what I'm feeling. I'm feeling a ton of new emotions and feelings that I'm not used to feeling.

[Lori Dee]

I mean, I'm still not much to actually look at (Lori has actually seen pics so she can confirm this! LOL), but from where I started and how I'm received is quite amazing.

I agree only that I have seen before and after pics. BUT you are looking good! To quote what my cousin told me:

"Don't take this the wrong way, but you are a prettier woman than you were a handsome man."

[imallie]

I agree only that I have seen before and after pics. BUT you are looking good! To quote what my cousin told me:

"Don't take this the wrong way, but you are a prettier woman than you were a handsome man."

Awww, you're awfully sweet. Thanks.