To add some Brit wordy cow into this and expand on Sarah's translation:
Quote from: wastebomb on June 30, 2024, 06:10:19 PMlowk hard 2 talk ab my experience w being trans w/o starting from the super beginning cs im worried ab lack of context......but ill survive
for a while now ive had internalized transphobia nd dat caused me 2 deny the part of myself dat knew i no longer wanted 2 b female. i fr didnt even start off in denial...it was a gradual progression...
my traditionalist parents nd da parts i live in dont rly give me a whole lotta room 2 express myself da way i want. ive been forcing myself to fit the stereotypical standards of a teenage girl nd try being all cutie nd feminine nd stuff...i got used 2 it 4 a lil bit but it nvr got rid of da envy i wld feel lookin at boys b boys. i feel it in ma skin... it lingers in my body nd pounces at ma chest...it is scary 2 feel dysphoric.
ive been skating 4 like three yrs now nd now dat summer is here i have more time 2 practice. but the roads r rocky nd cars r always drivin by...but im too scared 2 go 2 a skate park cs of all da ppl. im forced 2 pretend 2 live out these dreams by watching vids of skaters on da internet. p arguable dat da skating community is a mostly male dominated space (altho as time goes on dis is slowly nd slowly disproven... luv da girl skaters), so it aint uncommon 4 me 2 usually see dude skaters in these clips. not only r they mad good, but they r guys. cisgender guys! my luv 4 skating has been infiltrated by da inevitable doom of trans-jealousy...
"Low key hard to talk about my experience with being Trans, without starting from the super beginning. Because I'm super worried about lack of context, but I'll survive.
For a while now, I've had internalised transphobia and that caused me to deny the part of myself that I knew I no longer wanted to be female. I, for real, didn't even start off in denial. It was a gradual progression.
My traditionalist parents, and the parts I live in, don't really give me a whole lot of room to express myself the way I want. I've been forcing myself to fit the stereotypical standards of a teenage girl and trying to be all cutie, and feminine and stuff. I got used to it for a little bit but never got rid of the envy I would feel looking at boys being boys. I feel it in my skin. It lingers in my body and pounces in my chest. It's very scary to feel dysphoric.
I've been skating for, like, three years now. And now that summer is here, I have more time to practice. But the roads are rocky, and cars are always driving by. But I'm too scared to go to a skate park because of all the people. I am forced to pretend to live out these dreams by watching vids of skaters on the Internet. Probably arguable that the skating community is a mostly male dominated space (although, as time goes on, this is slowly and slowly disproven. Love the girl skaters!), so it's not uncommon for me to see dude skaters in these clips. Not only are they mad good, but they are guys. Cisgender guys! My love for skating has been infiltrated by the inevitable doom of trans-jealousy."
Wastebomb, can I ask you a few questions?
How do you see yourself outside of skateboarding? Take that completely out of the conversation for a second. I'm not talking about what you can or can't do because of how the world may perceive you. I'm talking about how you see yourself. When you close your eyes and are asked to form an image of who you are, what you look like, how you... are in the world. What does this person look like?
If things were different, and you were allowed to express yourself how you wanted. Regardless of gender. If you were allowed to do what you love, and be everything you want to be, would it matter as much to you if you were male, female, or somewhere in between? Would that be a big part of it? If you were allowed to be the best female skater in the world... would you still have these feelings?
What is it that scares you about people being around the skate park? Why is it that you're hesitant to use those facilities?
The reason I ask is because I am worried you are talking about what you feel you can do is being tied to your gender. I know many, many women who... for lack of a better term, are more boyish than a lot of the guys I know. They don't let gender stop them doing things they want to do because someone has said to them "You can't do that because you're a girl." This doesn't necessarily change their view of who they are in terms of gender.
I am not saying this is the case for you, so I kind of want to get a vibe of how you feel about yourself outside of what you feel you can or can't do. How you feel about who you are, you know? Because from that... everything else grows.
If you could do literally anything... no limits... who is the person you see in your mind's eye actually doing those things?
Just something to think about.
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