The Ballad of Lurkin Liz

[LurkinLiz]

This is taken from my original Geocities/WestHollywood Web Site. I will update it as I get some time.

[/u]

Welcome to my Life story
 
  The first time I can remember being dressed as a girl was by my aunt, at age (+-) 5. As I was growing up, I was always jealous of how my sisters had all the beautiful clothes to wear. I would 'borrow' some of their clothing whenever I got the chance. Much as I may have complained, I loved to play dress up as a kid. I loved how I looked in a dress or skirt, but there was a darker side.

 My family is very conservative, and would never have understood, so I had to hide what I was doing. I always thrilled when I
 came home from school to find the house empty - for only then could I be safe doing so. One time I returned home from a trip, and no one was home. I had hours until my uncle was due to pick me up, so I went into my mothers dressing area to experiment with the makeup and clothing. Bad idea - no sooner had I got all dressed and made up, then he showed up, and I panicked. I  don't think he knew what I was doing, but my heart stopped for a while that night. I vowed not to do it again, but the urges   were just too strong. Unfortunately, I was not careful enough, and twice left "tracks" that were followed. My mother called my shrink about it, but when he asked me, I blew him off. This pattern lasted for years.

  Then there were the times I tried to forget. Once, in High School circa 1986, I was doing a play were the guys had to all were colored tights . It was fine for me , until one of them mentioned how hard it was for all the other guys BUT me to get their tights on. Big mistake. I tried to pass it off to having seen my sisters do it , but I do not think that they bought it.

 I finally had to confide in someone, so I told the girl I was dating (circa 1993) that I liked to wear skirts. I was naïve, and did not prepare for the backlash that followed. She was horrified, and I felt so ashamed. We eventually broke up, but at least she kept my secret just that - a secret.

 Believe it or not, THAT was the best thing that could happen to me, because it set me up to meet (in 1994) the special Lady who now is my wife. ( and that is a story for another time *grin*)*smile*.I took the wimpy way out this time, and waited to tell her about my crossdressing until I had just had a tooth pulled, and was still very out due to painkillers. After a long struggle, she has come to accept this side of me, but it has not been easy. She is also responsible for my name. It is a real joy to go out with her  shopping for the Elizebeth side of me.

 October 1996 : We are planning to do the Halloween trick (and treat), and visit some friends who should understand. That will be Elizebeth's first night out. We did it!! ... follow the links below to see, and learn what happened ! The Whole Story !
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Another scary thing : A Night Out , around January 1997
This is NOT a funny story, at least not to me !
My SO thinks it was funny
Let me start my repeating, I am a 100% straight male, I am not gay.
Anyway, a major event has happened in Elizebeth's life. Christa and I went out to dinner last week, and a totally unexpected event occurred.

Christa swears the waiter was flirting with me !! I know, that doesn't sound like a big deal, but it was to me ! I had never thought about the possiblity that any (normal) man would find Elizebeth worthy to flirt with ! I was totally floored by that !

I wish I knew what to do now . Ladies learn how to flirt with guys as the grow up, but I am miising that training ! Added to that is the fact that I am happily married, and maybe you can see what I mean !!

Any advice ?
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Having SO problems ?  What I think
OFFICAIL DISCLAIMER : I AIN'T NO EXPERT, THESE ARE JUST MY THOUGHTS !

Thoughts In the Life of a Transgendered person:

Number 1 : On following the Genie's (from Aladdin) advice :

TELL HER THE TRUTH !!!!!!!

_____I have seen way too many of us come to a chat room , and in the course of finding out about them, also finding that they are too scared to tell their SO about this part of them. So let me tell you how I think it should be done, in my never to be humble opinion .*grin*

Are you not yet married to her ?

_____Good. This is the best place to start . My advice : TELL HER NOW YOU BLOCKHEAD ! (sorry, didn't mean to yell ! ) She is expecting a nice "normal" guy to be with, and lets face it : we TG folk ain't exactly normal. Not that that is bad, just the truth. And let me be honest, I am one of the rare ones who told the prospective SO before we got married about being a Crossdresser. Speaking of Christa, she is preparing a letter to all the SO's who have just found out about this side of you. Please , print it, and USE IT !

_____But above all , remember this. You have had some amount of time to accept what you are. She hasn't . She is going to need all the time in the world, and perhaps a bit more, to process this information. Face it, you may loose her. But that would be better then living the rest of your life in a lie. I know, I almost did just that. You have to show her, and it will take time, that you are still the man she loves, with an extra gift. She will be looking at you from what the media portrays us as, in the negative, rather then the positive. Deal with it !

Are you already married to her ?

_____Oh .... not as easy to tell her, is it ? If you do, then , most likely, she will take it as a great betrayal. She will wonder what else havn't you told her. Or what other lies you have hidden for all this time.

_____And what if you have told her already ? Deal with the consequences. This sounds tough, but you have to accept whatever she deals out about this. Rage, fear, anger, resentment, you name it. And get it out of your head that she is being unreasonable about this. It is your fault. NOT HERS ! Deal with that. It was not her fault this was dropped on her, it was your own fear that led to this point. Now you have to pick up your mess. To be blunt, I have seen , in chat , too many TG folk whine about how the wife was not accepting, and being unfair about it. They want the wife to accept it, and overnight to boot.{Personal note : It took Christa almost two years to accept Liz fully} . They forget they have had some amount of time to come to reason with it, but the wife hasn't ! She needs time to come to grips with it .... if in fact she ever does. Not a sure thing that she ever will.


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   I am now accepting who I am, with the help of the wonderful Sisters at Natures Paths ( once called Shangi-La).They are   understanding of what is going on, and helpful to the extreme . Natures Paths

   I guess you could ask me why I like to dress as a women. For me, it is not a sexual issue, but one of comfort. I feel, well, comfortable dressed as a women. My mental frame is comfortable , and that is all that matters to me. A friend asked me if I had any character changes when I am Liz. I had to say no ... who I am is me, no matter what I am dressed as . But then again, I do ... I loose what little male crap I have that shows outwardly. Indeed, it could be truly said that my male attitude is the real act that I have to play everyday. At work, several of the ladies have commented that I do not act like the typical guy . I can readily discuss  fashion and nails with another. Yes, I love the feel of the clothing, and wearing makeup. But it all boils down to :

THIS IS HOW I LIKE TO BE !!!

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All About me ... or stuff you might not want to know !!! *grin*
Height :         5'11"
Weight :        How dare you ask that ! *grin* ( I put the blue whale to shame )
Eye Color :    Brownish Green
Hair :            Bottle Reddish
Dress Size :   26+
Shoe Size:     14
Gender :        Do you really have to ask that ?
                    Male appearance outside, Female Spirit inside !
Marital Status :         Happily, thank you !

Likes :      Long flowing dresses , heels, garters-n-hose, long skirts,
                    Nice nails, earrings ( mine are pierced ),  friends,
                   stuff like that !

Dislikes :     Rude people, bigots, most vegetables, slow internet servers,
                   my weight, stuff like that !

Interests :     Reading (mostly sci-fi / fantasy), chatting online, playing Civ2,
                   computer stuff, Dressing ( of course ) .

Plans :         None yet .... I will update this later.

Dreams :      Shattered mostly.

Fears :          Snakes, heights, and being alone.
 


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[Lori Dee]

Hello LurkinLiz,

I'm Lori Dee. Welcome to Susan's Place!

It looks like you are a new member here and this is one of your first posts. Thank you for contributing to the discussion. And what a great title for your story!

We strive to make this a safe place to find information and to share your thoughts and comments. We all come from different backgrounds and represent a wide range of experiences. No matter who you may be, you are always welcome at Susan's Place.

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Once again, Welcome to Susan's Place!

~ Lori Dee

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@Sarah B
@Northern Star Girl

[Lori Dee]

But above all , remember this. You have had some amount of time to accept what you are. She hasn't . She is going to need all the time in the world, and perhaps a bit more, to process this information. Face it, you may loose her. But that would be better then living the rest of your life in a lie.

This. I like the way you explained this. I am not in this situation, but I know several who are and you nailed it. Thank you.

[Gina P]

Very nice start to your blog. I like how you gave a detailed description of yourself. And relationships, well that is probably the hardest part of transitioning.
Hugs Gina

[LurkinLiz]

This. I like the way you explained this. I am not in this situation, but I know several who are and you nailed it. Thank you.

I wrote that almost 30 years ago, and I didn't see any need to edit it ... too many people rush into it, and get upset when the Spouse doesn't accept the new normal right away. Time is needed folks. I just got really lucky when I found my Spouse.

[Sarah B]

Hello Liz

My name is Sarah B and I would also like to formally, Welcome you to Susan's Place!

I see that Lori and Gina have also welcomed you as well to Susan's.  You mentioned the following in your post.

This is taken from my original Geocities/WestHollywood Web Site. I will update it as I get some time.

[/u]

Welcome to my Life story
 
The first time I can remember being dressed as a girl was by my aunt, at age (+-) 5. As I was growing up, I was always jealous of how my sisters had all the beautiful clothes to wear. I would 'borrow' some of their clothing whenever I got the chance. Much as I may have complained, I loved to play dress up as a kid. I loved how I looked in a dress or skirt, but there was a darker side. [snippet]

. . . .

I wish I knew what to do now . Ladies learn how to flirt with guys as the grow up, but I am miising that training ! Added to that is the fact that I am happily married, and maybe you can see what I mean !!

Any advice ?

I'm sure it's too late for anyone to give you any advice on this, since most of this part of your story is at least 20 years old!  I suppose "but I am missing that training !"  I could comment on.  When I changed my life around.  All I said to myself at the time, I suppose within the first couple of months, was; "just be yourself" and I just learned what I needed as I went about my life and that has always worked for me.

TELL HER THE TRUTH !!!!!!!

_____I have seen way too many of us come to a chat room , and in the course of finding out about them, also finding that they are too scared to tell their SO about this part of them. So let me tell you how I think it should be done, in my never to be humble opinion .*grin*[snippet]


. . . . .

_____And what if you have told her already ? Deal with the consequences. This sounds tough, but you have to accept whatever she deals out about this. Rage, fear, anger, resentment, you name it. And get it out of your head that she is being unreasonable about this. It is your fault. NOT HERS ! Deal with that. It was not her fault this was dropped on her, it was your own fear that led to this point. Now you have to pick up your mess. To be blunt, I have seen , in chat , too many TG folk whine about how the wife was not accepting, and being unfair about it. They want the wife to accept it, and overnight to boot.{Personal note : It took Christa almost two years to accept Liz fully} . They forget they have had some amount of time to come to reason with it, but the wife hasn't ! She needs time to come to grips with it .... if in fact she ever does. Not a sure thing that she ever will.

As you know we were chatting in Discord and you said; "I don't know how much support I can offer folks" and I replied with "Your knowledge, no matter how much is very much welcomed and needed."  In the comments about you and your SO, you have literally knocked the ball out of the ball park Stadium.  I have not come across anything recently, that is so poignant.

I am now accepting who I am, with the help of the wonderful Sisters at Natures Paths ( once called Shangi-La).They are   understanding of what is going on, and helpful to the extreme . Natures Paths

I have always been happy about myself, regardless of the fact that I always longed or wanted to be a female.  So I guess that means, I have always accepted myself for whom I am.

I guess you could ask me why I like to dress as a women. For me, it is not a sexual issue, but one of comfort. I feel, well, comfortable dressed as a women. My mental frame is comfortable , and that is all that matters to me. A friend asked me if I had any character changes when I am Liz. I had to say no ... who I am is me, no matter what I am dressed as . But then again, I do ... I loose what little male crap I have that shows outwardly. Indeed, it could be truly said that my male attitude is the real act that I have to play everyday. At work, several of the ladies have commented that I do not act like the typical guy . I can readily discuss  fashion and nails with another. Yes, I love the feel of the clothing, and wearing makeup. But it all boils down to :

THIS IS HOW I LIKE TO BE !!!

Just like you when ever I dressed up before I changed, it always felt right.  There was no changes in my personality before or after I changed.  Clothing and makeup are dependant on what I like, what I'm doing, what is happening around me and of course what makes me happy.

Once you feel comfortable here, it would be appreciated if you add a little bit more about yourself in the other forums and threads.  I would appreciate it very much as, I'm always interested in learning something new about new members.  (Well I certainly did from your introduction).

In addition members of Susan's will more than likely will discuss problems or issues that are similar to yours as most have experienced these issues as well.

Take care and all the best for the future.

Once again, Welcome to Susan's Place!
Sarah B
Offical Greeter
@LoriDee
@Northern Star Girl
@LurkinLiz

[LurkinLiz]

Thank you Sarah B .

As I said, most of that was written around 1996-1999. I did edit some parts, but I tried to keep what I considered important in there.
My wife and I still offer support to those that ask for it, as we have lived this lifestyle for so long. We don't claim to have all the answers, but we try to help.

[Robbyv213]

@LurkinLiz in your original post you said that your wife was writing a letter to any and all spouses. Have you posted it on here, or by chance still have the letter.

I have recently come out to my wife, after we were married and it was exactly as you described for her, all the emotions you could imagine. And for me made me feel ashamed, and extremely sad that my truth caused her so much pain. So what do I do. Try to live as always or find a way to move forward doing the hard work, or my least fav option hope and prey reincarnation actually exists and press the reset button.

I want to do the hard work and get through this with my wife and marriage intact. I don't particularly like the other options.

I am my worst enemy. I don't have a voice. I can't advocate for myself, especially on hard topics that will cause a lot of emotions. I'd rather go with the flow and not rock the boat.

I am also having trouble finding the words to even say to initiate those difficult conversations that have to be had. Yet alone the words to use for the rest of the conversation.

In the past I would just let my relationships dissolve and fall apart since that was the easy and cowardly thing to do. She is different. She is the first person that ever found out about this side of me.

So if you could re post that letter that your wife wrote it would be greatly appreciated. I hope it can help me find the right words to use for these conversations that I feel are very close on the horizon.

[Lori Dee]

I have found that if I need to start a difficult conversation and don't know how to begin, I start by asking a question. That way it doesn't sound like I am accusing them of anything, I am just asking what they think about something. Sometimes it takes asking a few follow-up questions, and then the conversation is underway. Then I slide into, "Well the reason I am asking is because I ...".

Then talk about how you feel and make it clear that it is no one's fault, it just is something you are wrestling with. Maybe bring up that you understand it is a difficult topic, but it is important and that is why you have been seeking advice from a therapist.

Explain that you want your relationship to work and you need their help to make that happen. Again, you are still asking, not telling. No blame or accusations, you are just asking for help to make things work. After that, it is their decision. And no matter what they say, your answer is always, "I understand. I know it isn't easy and it has been very hard for me too."

Anything that gets said to you over the next three days will be them just processing the information and trying to adjust. There is a very real chance that they will not understand their own feelings about it. Give them time to figure it out without any pressure.

Either they will come around, or not. They have the right to decide for themselves. Allow them to decide. Staying in a relationship because of coercion or guilt is never good. All parties need to be there because they want to be there and are willing to do the work to stay there.

Good luck.

[Robbyv213]

Thank you @Lori Dee