My flippant response would be to say, "What is there to control? Have fun!"
But of course we know it is not that easy, or that simple. If it were, such places as Susan's would become unnecessary, we simply would be who we were, discussing sales on cute shoes in passing over lunch, not laboring over who we are and whether it is worth it.
But part of my getting involved here at Susan's is to learn how to honestly say, "What is there to control? Have fun!"
I am 33 years old and have been crossdressing off and on to some extent since circa puberty. There was always a sexual association, especially early on. But for me I think a lot of that came from having no other outlet for something that seemed otherwise intrinsically part of who I was. I was always an atypical male throughout adolescence, and discovering crossdressing without any social affirmation seemed to contribute to a more fetish behavior, than the natural thing it started as.
Like so many others I tried to deny the feminine portions of myself many times, over and over. But as DebTV points out, that only leads to "bad feelings" and in my case I think a prolonged and somewhat severe depression. I have been trying to take steps to remedy this, but that denial and confusion is simply not healthy.
The bottom line is, try to accept yourself now, and others will come to accept you as well. I don't believe you should worry about the cause or the result. Be aware, don't ignore it, but don't worry. Don't inject negative feelings into a situation that requires acceptance and understanding. Explore, experience, and excite. Maybe it's a hobby or maybe it's a life choice. Maybe it's part-time, maybe it's full time. But it is happening.
When en femme I am often sexually excited to this day, and it is often little more than passing excitement of the sensuality somewhat inherent in some aspects of the feminine. While on occasion I may be momentarily sexually aroused, I personally find much more "fulfillment" from having coordinated a stunning and possibly unique outfit. But ultimately it still comes down to heading out and living life, regardless of how you are presenting.
In some ways James, I am disappointed that I am no longer sexually aroused merely by getting prettied up. Such a simple hedonistic joy. But you know what, I have found that I am a lot happier as a person since realizing that I am a person who enjoys the feminine as well as a million other things in this big life. Not just a person obsessed.
Take your time, enjoy yourself, don't do anything dangerous or impetuous, and be yourself. While our cultures might not have made it easy to become fully ourselves, only we can make it natural to do so.
As BDNewGirl points out, the sexual often becomes sensual, and the two are often worlds apart. And while I am not as many years young as Louise, I already relate to her comments on how crossdressing changes as we mature.
Be strong, independent, and fundamentally you. The truth will follow.
