Hello DakotamadelineMy name is
Sarah B and I would also like to formally, Welcome you to Susan's Place!
I'm curious you screen name has two female names. So which one do you use the most and would you mind if I used that one? If you don't mind. I'm sorry that I did not welcome you sooner. I see that other members of Susan's have welcomed you and helped you immensely in your issue.
You mention in your first post.
Quote from: dakotamadeleine2003 on July 26, 2024, 02:55:23 AMso for context i'm a 21 year old trans woman, i first came out as trans to my family when i was 15, first did diy hrt when i was 19, and got on prescription hrt when i was 20 about a year ago. also have had laser hair removal on my face and some of my body.
the thing is....i really wish i wasn't like this. i wish i could just live a regular life as a guy. i want a wife and kids someday 😭😭😭
Just like you I was young only 30 years old when I changed my life around. My wish was that I was born a female also, like so many others that have come to Susan's and gone. However, I never wished that I was not like this. I always longed or wanted to be a female. Eventually I had surgery. So in a sense just like you, I wanted a husband and kids, unfortunately that was not to be.
Quote from: dakotamadeleine2003 on July 26, 2024, 02:55:23 AMbut i'm not questioning my transition and don't plan to detransition, bc then all the dysphoria would come back. the reason i can't just stop transitioning is bc i have so much disgust for having a male body. it looks so hideous to me and my brain just feels like my body should be female. i wish i wasn't like this so i could live a normal family life tho.
I never questioned, any aspect of what I did to become who I am today, none whatsoever. I never had any dysphoria in my mind or body. However since surgery if I think about what I once had, it makes me very nauseous.
Quote from: dakotamadeleine2003 on July 26, 2024, 02:55:23 AMi don't believe what i'm feeling is a product of society. i don't want to live a normal life because society expects it, but because i have an inner desire for such a life. but i also have dysphoria. so that leaves me in a state of inner contradiction...
No, what you are feeling is not a product of society. Nature and or human interference (read drugs) on mothers have caused our condition. I accept unconditionally that one of these caused my current condition. I don't care, I love my life and I will never trade it in for anything.
I have not lead a normal life and the majority of society will never even see half of what I have done. I never have followed societies expectations and I will never will. Like a moth that is drawn to the light of a candle, I'm on the outside watching the other moths get burned. The desire to have a normal life has not died within me, that is husband and kids.
Your dysphoria, which still leaves you in a state of inner contradiction, needs to sorted out. The only way that you are going to be able to sort this issue out is to seek 'therapy' with a psychiatrist, psychologist or counsellor that specializes in Gender Identity issues and you need to do this soon for your sake.
Quote from: dakotamadeleine2003 on July 26, 2024, 02:55:23 AMi feel like being like this really ruins my chances at living the life i want. i've always been attracted to women and still am, although i never had any luck bc i've always been so small and sorta feminine looking even before i transitioned. pretty much only men hit on me or show interest in me. a lot of times they won't even back off when i tell them i'm a lesbian. sometimes i just wish i could've not been trans so i could just live as a man and have a normal family life someday but its not in the cards for me 
There is nothing wrong with being attracted to women. If that is how you feel, then that is how you feel. Women come in all shapes and sizes, so do not let that deter you in seeking other women.
When I changed my life around, during the critical two years before surgery, I was constantly being hit upon by men. I did date a few, however I never did become intimate with them, because of my condition and I did not want to suffer any consequences should I become intimate with them. So I understand where you are coming from, when men hit on you and you are not interested.
As Sephirah says and I quote:
Quote from: Sephirah on July 26, 2024, 02:21:41 PMSweetie, there is no such thing as a "normal family life". Outside of movies and sit-coms. Every family is unique. With its own dynamics, special qualities, human quirks and differences.
What makes a family is the bond you share with people in it. And there's no reason you can't have that as who you are. In fact I would argue that it's most important to have this as who you are.
Is so true. You mention in your second post:
Quote from: dakotamadeleine2003 on July 26, 2024, 09:29:44 PMits not really about having biological kids, and going off of hrt would make me go crazy. its my inability to attract women, the fact that only men seem to be interested in me. i definitely can't get normal feminine women, only queer type women. because i'm trans and so straight women would never be attracted obviously. in terms of having children i'm fine with adopting, i'm just sad i'll never have a normal family life.
You are 21, you have the rest of your life to live and that means 80 more years of living the best years of life as you. Normal heterosexual women will only be attracted to men. Which only leaves lesbian's or bisexual women that will be attracted to you when they know that you are one too. However, your interaction with them, depends on whether you tell them about your current state of transition.
If you want to find a partner and you are still young, then you need to go out to venues, parties, clubs, pubs, movies, theatres, dinner parties and social events where like minded people congregate and low and behold you will end up with a partner quicker than you can say 'Jack Robinson'. How do I know this?
I looked after my mother for ten years and in that time I did not date. Two years since my mum passed away (so 12 years), I'm currently seeing a gentleman and how it goes I do not know. The question is how did I come across a potential partner? I once read, that the best way to 'find a partner' was to socialise and I applied that piece of advice to myself and after 6 months of socialising, I have possibly found a partner.
Once you feel comfortable here, it would be appreciated if you add a little bit more about yourself in the other forums and threads. I would appreciate it very much as, I'm always interested in learning something new about new members
In addition members of Susan's will more than likely will discuss problems or issues that are similar to yours as most have experienced these issues as well.
Take care and all the best for the future.
Once again, Welcome to Susan's Place!Sarah BOffical Greeter@LoriDee @Northern Star Girl @dakotamadeleine2003@Sephirah
