When it comes to transitioning how important would you say therapy is?

[Lori Dee]

They allow you to explore without trying to just tear down these walls with assertions. The walls come down brick by brick, gently, rather than with a trebuchet.

Exactly. My psychologist did this so well, I wasn't even aware of it. I would ask about things like "How do you know ______ applies to me?" And he would refresh my memory about a discussion we had had earlier. The more discussions we had, it was I that connected the dots. When I misunderstood the implications, thinking he was saying I was gay, he corrected me and that's when I realized that I didn't really understand what being transgender meant. Then it became less about exploring and more about educating me. Once I understood, I could see how it applied to me, and we moved forward from there. It seems like it was a very complex process, but I think it was because my head was full of misconceptions and misinformation.
 

[Sephirah]

I remember the past and for what it was back then, I had a rather easy time of it.
I wasn't even bullied like a lot of girls, because my obnoxious brother wouldn't let me alone and helped me practice useful fighting skills, both offense and defense! A jab gets someone's attention.  Landing a right hook gets people to back off.

I was bullied a lot back in the day. Mostly by people who I thought were my friends. People I had gone on holiday with. People who.. I'd shared very intimate things with. One day it all changed and for whatever reason I was hated. I spent the last two years of school isolated. Put on my own at the back of a classroom because my school, in its infinite wisdom, thought it better to make me suffer rather than the people responsible for the bullying. After doing what you're supposed to do, and tell someone.

That contributed a lot towards my aversion to people. I got used to being alone. And got used to never trusting people. It was only because I was smart that I did well in my exams... it wasn't down to the school. I had to sit them alone.

[Sephirah]

Exactly. My psychologist did this so well, I wasn't even aware of it. I would ask about things like "How do you know ______ applies to me?" And he would refresh my memory about a discussion we had had earlier. The more discussions we had, it was I that connected the dots. When I misunderstood the implications, thinking he was saying I was gay, he corrected me and that's when I realized that I didn't really understand what being transgender meant. Then it became less about exploring and more about educating me. Once I understood, I could see how it applied to me, and we moved forward from there. It seems like it was a very complex process, but I think it was because my head was full of misconceptions and misinformation.
 

Yeah we are a big jigsaw puzzle. We have all the pieces we just don't know immediately how it all fits together.

Your Psychologist sounds like a really good guy, Lori. Someone who encourages you to see things for yourself.

[Lori Dee]

I was bullied a lot back in the day. Mostly by people who I thought were my friends. People I had gone on holiday with. People who.. I'd shared very intimate things with. One day it all changed and for whatever reason I was hated. I spent the last two years of school isolated. Put on my own at the back of a classroom because my school, in its infinite wisdom, thought it better to make me suffer rather than the people responsible for the bullying. After doing what you're supposed to do, and tell someone.

That contributed a lot towards my aversion to people. I got used to being alone. And got used to never trusting people. It was only because I was smart that I did well in my exams... it wasn't down to the school. I had to sit them alone.

Wow, have you been reading my story? 
I had the same problems. I spent most of the Third Grade in "protective custody" in the nurse's office during recess. I had a small group of friends, but we were all outcasts, the rejects that everyone else bullied. It wasn't until I was in the military that I began to mistrust people. I was assaulted by a "friend" that left me with a permanent back injury (part of my current disability with the VA).

I wouldn't call it an aversion in my case. It's more of a distrust that became amplified by disloyal spouses and dishonest siblings. It changed my entire view of the world. That is one of the "non-trans" issues we are discussing in therapy. I want to be able to trust people, but they mostly seem to be a disappointment. So I learned how to be alone and not be lonely. I am an introvert. I enjoy socializing for a short time, but then I need to escape to recharge. It's like some people just suck the life out of you. I am happier now being alone for many reasons, but it is nice to be able to share intimate things with someone without all the baggage. And there is always baggage.
 

[Sephirah]

Wow, have you been reading my story? 
I had the same problems. I spent most of the Third Grade in "protective custody" in the nurse's office during recess. I had a small group of friends, but we were all outcasts, the rejects that everyone else bullied. It wasn't until I was in the military that I began to mistrust people. I was assaulted by a "friend" that left me with a permanent back injury (part of my current disability with the VA).

I wouldn't call it an aversion in my case. It's more of a distrust that became amplified by disloyal spouses and dishonest siblings. It changed my entire view of the world. That is one of the "non-trans" issues we are discussing in therapy. I want to be able to trust people, but they mostly seem to be a disappointment. So I learned how to be alone and not be lonely. I am an introvert. I enjoy socializing for a short time, but then I need to escape to recharge. It's like some people just suck the life out of you. I am happier now being alone for many reasons, but it is nice to be able to share intimate things with someone without all the baggage. And there is always baggage.
 

We are very much alike, Lori. I knew there was a reason I felt drawn to you. <3. I joined the UK Royal Navy to try and escape that. To try to get away from the people around me. I am also a military lass. I can't say it worked. Trust is something hard earned, easily broken.

I left the navy due to a back injury. Girl, we are very much alike. Except you are far more beautiful. <3

Trust is hard. I have massive trust issues even now. You can be close to people but you always have the walls up because you don't want to be hurt anymore. I keep most everyone at arm's length. I think we have a lot in common, honey.

Thank you for your service. Sincerely. Being in the military is not for everyone. And living with what that involves is not for everyone. My respect for you keeps growing, honey. I think we have a lot in common. <3

[SoupSarah]

I think the biggest misconception about therapy is that 'someone will tell you what is going on'.. I read often that someone is expecting their therapist to tell them they are trans or non-binary or something.. That should be a red flag, if a therapist TELLS you anything.. run.. run fast and far. For they are not a good therapist.

Therapy is a tool, like a hammer or a screwdriver. You need to use it to create something, to discover something or to mend something. The therapist should be like the tutor, teaching you how to use the tool and how to get the best out of it. If you decide you don't want to 'go there' or explore things in your darkest recesses of your mind.. then you will never get a full picture of who you are and an idea of the way forward.

In this, trust in your therapist is probably the most important factor, in my opinion.

[Lori Dee]

Wow, you blew my mind. That is uncanny how similar our stories are.

I joined the UK Royal Navy US Army to try and escape that. To try to get away from the people around me. I am also a military lass. I can't say it worked. Trust is something hard earned, easily broken.

I left the navy Army due to a back injury. Girl, we are very much alike. Except you are far more beautiful. <3 (Thanks, but I doubt it.  )

Trust is hard. I have massive trust issues even now. You can be close to people but you always have the walls up because you don't want to be hurt anymore. I keep most everyone at arm's length. I think we have a lot in common, honey.

Thank you for your service. Sincerely. Being in the military is not for everyone. And living with what that involves is not for everyone. My respect for you keeps growing, honey.

Wow. Almost exactly my words to you. Much respect, my Kindred Spirit!