Pressured by society?

[Asher0971]

I've been questioning my gender identity again recently. I can't really see a gender therapist, sadly.

I go by Theodore now. I'm testing out he/they pronouns.

So I finally figured out that I identify as a demiboy. But there's something that's been popping up. I get this everso faint perception of myself as still a girl (I'm assigned female at birth) whilst identifying and knowing im not cisgender. It happens at random times, and has been for quote a while, potentially some time after questioning. I'm curious a out it. I feel like this might possibly mean something. Maybe it doesn't. But at the same time it does make me feel like a faker. But I have had feelings that are more masculine, but not quite fully. I heard a part of your gender is how you see/view/perceive yourself. I still kinda perceive myself as a girl, albeit not completely. And I've still been perceiving myself as non-gendered.

Is this the fact I grew up perceived as a girl my whole life, or could this mean something more? I know full well it's however I choose to take it, and I know how. It very well could be my upbringing causing this. Because I do experience dysphoria when perceived socially as a girl, etc. But at the same time I've managed not to kind it sometimes. Sometimes it just doesn't cause me to feel anything.

[Lori Dee]

I think our dysphoria comes and goes in waves. I can go several days feeling non-gendered, but then I feel strongly feminine and then I get dysphoria like a tsunami hit me.

I think that feeling of being a faker, what we call "imposter syndrome" hits us all at times. Like you said, it is a remnant of years of being told who you are even though you know differently. Part of us wants to believe the people we were taught to trust, like family, teachers, etc. So there is that inkling in the back of our mind that "what if they are right?"

Gender is for you to decide and no one else. It would be helpful to have a therapist guide you in figuring out what that means for you. Is the reason that you cannot due to finances, or life situation? If it is finances, there are services available to help you. If it is due to a situation you are in, that can be difficult, but not impossible. If you are not comfortable discussing it on the internet, I understand. You can email me at LoriDee605@outlook.com and I can see what I can find for you. That is my personal email, so it is confidential. If you are not comfortable with that, I understand. I am just offering help.

Hugs!

Lori

[Sephirah]

I've been questioning my gender identity again recently. I can't really see a gender therapist, sadly.

I go by Theodore now. I'm testing out he/they pronouns.

So I finally figured out that I identify as a demiboy. But there's something that's been popping up. I get this everso faint perception of myself as still a girl (I'm assigned female at birth) whilst identifying and knowing im not cisgender. It happens at random times, and has been for quote a while, potentially some time after questioning. I'm curious a out it. I feel like this might possibly mean something. Maybe it doesn't. But at the same time it does make me feel like a faker. But I have had feelings that are more masculine, but not quite fully. I heard a part of your gender is how you see/view/perceive yourself. I still kinda perceive myself as a girl, albeit not completely. And I've still been perceiving myself as non-gendered.

Is this the fact I grew up perceived as a girl my whole life, or could this mean something more? I know full well it's however I choose to take it, and I know how. It very well could be my upbringing causing this. Because I do experience dysphoria when perceived socially as a girl, etc. But at the same time I've managed not to kind it sometimes. Sometimes it just doesn't cause me to feel anything.

I don't think we can really escape how we were born, honey. It colours a lot of aspects of life. Because... even if it's not how you see you, it's how the world has seen you. And... a good chunk of life is not ourselves. It's the impact we have on others. We live through the reflection in the mirrors of other peoples' perception. The more people we have around us, the more impactful this is.

You are not a "faker", okay? Self determination is the most powerful tool we have. The trouble with being where you are is... you're trying to follow a whisper within a hurricane. A maelstrom of everything telling you you should be, and are one thing... when all you have to go on to tell you aren't is this nebulous, insistent voice within yourself.

That's... a big thing to deal with, sweetie. And not something you can easily get away from. Yes, a lot of it is perception. Being born and raised as a guy or girl will lead to a lot of the world around you treating you that way. Whether you feel that way or not. And that will impact on you. Because you get taught to be, act, think, feel a certain way.

Not feeling anything is a defence mechanism.

Let me ask you a question. See yourself as who you want to be, and who the world thinks you want to be. Who do you prefer?

[ChrissyRyan]

Sometimes "society" just does not understand us, often, many do not.  I wish they would be more understanding to the extent we wish they would understand AND, most importantly, to be ACCEPTING.

Welcoming as a specific category of people may be pushing it, as EVERYONE in any category should be welcomed unless given completely justified reasons not to, not just because they fit a particular label; but, society accepting us is a realistic action. At least we can hope for that.

Here is for understanding and acceptance!  Acceptance by some will be very hard.  They were brought up NOT to be thinking that way.  Some people come around though.

Hugs,

Chrissy