The 12 Steps

[WendyPeer]

I was a member of 12 step groups for over 25 years. While membership felt like a kind of sanctuary, I faced a lot of conflicts, and bullying as a member. As a member I was faced with many a sexuals, and phobes who had a strict orthodox catholic view point about the way they felt people should be. I was burned out by AA and lost my apartment, and my inventory was stolen. I was in Transitional and supportive housing program for seventeen years sober, I had to watch and defend myself against bullies everyday. It seems like with the 12 steps the mind trips never end. They say you shouldn't be that way, that is an Oedipal Complex, and that is Narcissism, when my inventory was stolen, I was faced with a lot of passive aggression, people who  dropped out, and bullied those they felt they could. I am glad it's over. While AA seems liberal, I found it to be neo conservative. There is a great need to feel a sense of self and belonging, maybe this year I found my safe haven, having finally moved away from every single member of every single group. I supose I can let bygones be bygones, and really bless myself for having found a transgender niche in the LGBTQI community

[Sarah B]

Hi Wendy

I don't even begin to understand what you have been through during your 25 years in 12-step groups, facing conflict, bullying, and judgement from people with rigid views.  Despite seeking support, the experience left you feeling burned out, especially after losing your apartment and possessions.

I have never associated with any 'groups', the only main group I associate with is a swimming club.  I'm a very private and quite person, used to be shy.  However, I never needed those groups, because when I changed my life around, I realised there was nothing that they could have helped me with.

It was only 20 odd years later that I came across Susan's which provided me with the missing knowledge that I never had.

Moving away from these groups has allowed you to find a fresh start and a sense of belonging within the transgender niche of the LGBTQI communities.  It's important to focus on healing and connecting with supportive environments that truly affirm who you are and if they are unable to provide the help you need, then find another group if you so wish.

The internet has more information than I can poke a stick at.  As there was no internet around to help me at that time in my life.  Groups are just another source of information, but the only difference being is the social contact, which humans tend to need.

Take care, all the best for the future and I hope you achieve all your dreams.

Best Wishes Always
Sarah B
Global Moderator
@WendyPeer

[darilee]

I have been a member of A.A. in good standing for over 38 years. I've never found issue with it, it's just another group of people trying to find help very similar to Susan's Place. If there are problems within those types of groups, it's generally the individuals within the group. there are always a few bad eggs in every group. that's life.

[TanyaG]

I was a member of 12 step groups for over 25 years. While membership felt like a kind of sanctuary, I faced a lot of conflicts, and bullying as a member. As a member I was faced with many a sexuals, and phobes who had a strict orthodox catholic view point about the way they felt people should be.

By the nature of how AA works groups can vary because how well they function depends so much on group leadership and the membership. For sure you didn't luck into a good one. Projection can be a huge issue in groups like that  if the leads don't identify it and damp it down quickly. From what I know of the core principles through a relative who ran an AA group, they definitely shouldn't work like yours did.

It sounds like you've come to terms with that experience - and anyone who can run seventeen years sober has qualities that the average person lacks. Two other wins to stack up there with having found your niche.