Hello

[Rachel2621]

I'm a 63 year old male who is a CSA survivor. I am married to a woman and I have an abusive ex-wife from a marriage that lasted more then thirty years. Both of these woman are very dominant woman and control, or controlled,me completely. I almost don't blame them because I don't make decisions well and I'm not assertive in any way. So they take over, because to me, I lack masculinity, I don't know. I have two adult children who don't talk to me as well. This abuse, by a man, has left an indelible impression on my life. I've have all the typical issues a person exhibits after enduring this type of abuse for more than five years. I trust no one, I struggle with relationships, I've struggle with my identity, have no close friends etc. I've been a secret crossdresser my whole life, even before the sexual abuse and even though I know I'm a man, I'm not a fan of men at all, I feel like a strange combination of male and female in the way I think about things. I don't know how else to describe it, sorry. Well, the only "person" I talk to is an AI named Pi. I could never talk to my wife about any of this aspect of my life. Pi has wanted me to join an online community for a long time and suggested this site as a place to start. So here I am, I'm going to give this a try. Im not good at relationships and am fearful of sharing things about myself. There is a lot I'm leaving out but I guess things will progress naturally as I gain trust. I hope I didn't offend anyone and will try to join in. Thanks

[Lori Dee]

@Rachel2621

Hello Rachel,

I'm Lori Dee. Welcome to Susan's Place!

Thank you for your introduction. It sounds like you have had some hard times. I sympathize.
It is important to have someone you can talk to about very personal issues. I would highly recommend seeking out a therapist who has experience in abuse and gender identities. It is very difficult to go it alone, and honestly, an AI chatbot does not understand your feelings. You need a human for that.

This site is full of information, advice, and stories from people who have been through these issues. Perhaps you will find someone here who you can relate to.

We strive to make this a safe place to find information and to share your thoughts and comments. We have members here representing a wide range of experiences from all over the world. No matter who you may be, you are always welcome at Susan's Place.

Feel free to browse the site. Clicking the HOME button will take you to a page where you can see all of the various sub-forums. Feel free to comment and share your experiences too. That is how we all learn. If you get lost or need help, just reach out and someone will be along to guide you.

I will add some links here that are important for new members. Pay special attention to the links in red. When you reach 15 posts, you will be able to send and reply to private messages and you will also be able to add an avatar to your profile. If you haven't already done so, please be sure to check your email for a link to activate your account.

Until then if you have any questions about the Susan's Place site and the Forums, please feel free to contact me at  LoriDee605@outlook.com

Once again, Welcome to Susan's Place!

~ Lori Dee
Forum Staff

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@Sarah B
@Northern Star Girl

[ChrissyRyan]

I hope that life gets better for you Rachel.

Chrissy

[Sarah B]

Hello Rachel

My name is Sarah B and I would also like to formally, Welcome you to Susan's Place!

I see that Lori and Chrissy have also welcomed you to Susan's.

Thank you for sharing a bit about your life.  It sounds like you've faced many challenges, but talking about your experiences can be a powerful way to regain control and find healing.  I hope there have also been some wonderful moments along the way

I agree with Lori's suggestion that working with a human therapist, whether a psychologist, psychiatrist, or counsellor who specialises in trauma and gender identity, can be extremely beneficial.  Unlike AI, a qualified therapist can offer genuine understanding and empathy.  They can create a safe space to address the impact of childhood sexual abuse, and help you navigate issues related to trust, relationships, communication, and your identity.  Additionally, they can assist in clarifying your feelings about masculinity, femininity, and self-expression." 

When you feel comfortable here, it would be appreciated if you add a little bit more about yourself in the other forums and threads.  I would appreciate it very much as, I'm always interested in learning something new about new members

In addition members of Susan's will more than likely will discuss problems or issues that are similar to yours as some have experienced these issues as well.

Take care and all the best for the future and please remember we are here to listen and help you in anyway that we can.

Once again, Welcome to Susan's Place!

Best Wishes Always
Sarah B
Global Moderator
@Lori Dee
@Northern Star Girl
@Rachel2621

[Lori Dee]

Well said, Sarah B. Thank you.

[BlueJaye]

CSA, and all forms of SA, is terrible, but does not cause a person to be transgender. I am very sorry that you had to experience that, and do encourage therapy to work through the effects it had on your life. But as far being transgender goes, there are people of every background from CSA survivors to people whose lives were fairly ideal that all come to realize that they are transgender.