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Getting to know you 😊

Started by TracieCarolinaGirl, October 01, 2024, 09:00:18 PM

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TracieCarolinaGirl

  • OPI Aphroditie's Pink Nightie 💅- $8.99
  • Bottle of my favorite ALDI cab🍷- $9.99
  • New pretty yoga/lounge pants 🧘🏼 - $19.99
  • Taking time to relax and read these wonderful story blogs - priceless 💗🥰

TracieCarolinaGirl

And I'd like to add, in reading your wonderful blogs and getting to know you, I am getting to know myself as I never have.  I 💗 Susan's Place!

TanyaG

Enjoy. Knowing we aren't alone and there are other empathic voices out there helps a lot.
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TracieCarolinaGirl

Quote from: TanyaG on October 02, 2024, 04:08:46 AMEnjoy. Knowing we aren't alone and there are other empathic voices out there helps a lot.

It does indeed.  I am just starting my journey and admit a bit euphoric over my newly found love of shopping.  Reading your story and those of other members really helps to better understand the psychology of who I am and who I'm becoming.  Thank you for sharing your story, extremely thought provoking.
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TanyaG

That's good then. Have you thought around why the shopping makes you feel so happy? And about who 'you' is? Awful grammar, but it sounds better put that way! What I'm getting at is who 'you' would be minus the scripts?
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TracieCarolinaGirl

Quote from: TanyaG on October 02, 2024, 04:28:50 AMThat's good then. Have you thought around why the shopping makes you feel so happy? And about who 'you' is? Awful grammar, but it sounds better put that way! What I'm getting at is who 'you' would be minus the scripts?

Doing a lot of thinking lately.  I've always liked female clothing, the fabulous shoes, pretty prints, sexy/silky lingerie and often fantasized what it would be like to be a woman and have all these things to enjoy on a daily basis.  My male "script", as described by you in Tonya's Tale, has always been the barrier preventing me from making it happen.  Without this script I think I would live my life dressed as female a majority of the time: clothes, makeup and wigs. At least that is what I am feeling now, maybe still a bit of the shopping euphoria swaying my thought processes.  So that is the first step of this journey for me.  Is this really me or just me exploring a long desired fantasy.  It helps reading all your blogs and relating to the different experiences of the members.  I really appreciate all that you have contributed to Susan's Place and always get excited when I see a notification from TonyaG 😊💗
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TanyaG

Quote from: TracieCarolinaGirl on October 02, 2024, 05:21:06 AMIs this really me or just me exploring a long desired fantasy.
Okay, I get that. Have you thought of talking through with yourself why you think this is a fantasy? You used the phrases 'long desired' and 'always' so you're saying this has permanance.
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TracieCarolinaGirl

#7
Quote from: TanyaG on October 02, 2024, 05:59:28 AMOkay, I get that. Have you thought of talking through with yourself why you think this is a fantasy? You used the phrases 'long desired' and 'always' so you're saying this has permanance.

It has been a fantasy seemingly my entire life, but now I have decided to take this big step and try it on to see if it is actually who I am. The "scripts" have always prevented me from taking this step in the past, but now I am living on my own and have the freedom to express myself as I wish.  To hell with the scripts from within the private confines of my home.  I am excited to purchase and wear pretty female clothes and actually see what I look like in my female presentation, excited and a bit terrified to be honest.  But I am taking this first step and I will see where it takes me.  Finding Susan's Place has really helped me and I'm not sure I would be able to do this without such a support system as I have found here.  Thank you.
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Gaydave

And don't be afraid to ask too many questions or asking for help on navigating the site.
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MissRachelW

You say "a fantasy my whole life" I know what you mean. I read someone else somewhere else saying that she went through phases of buying and dressing and then purging everything. The "ive got to be a boy moment" and deny she/her exists. But and this is the breakthrough moment for me anyway...she does exist, she is really real and letting her live and breathe is fulfilling. However far we let her go, just to admit and enjoy her existence is liberating. Thank you, all here, just for being you x
Trying to live my best life, realising you can't do it alone ❤️

TanyaG

Quote from: MissRachelW on December 06, 2024, 02:20:27 PMI read someone else somewhere else saying that she went through phases of buying and dressing and then purging everything. The "ive got to be a boy moment" and deny she/her exists.

That's probably more common than posts here make it seem. I'd be very interested to know how many trans people have ever done some version of this. Early on, before people accept their gender expression isn't aligned, a battle royale with cultural scripts more or less guarantees a degree of disgust with expressing a gender that isn't the one you were made to grow up with.
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Camille58S

It's only been four years since I started this journey, but I really feel like Camille has been showing herself all my life. She is my empathetic, softer side. I never really felt comfortable in male culture. I spent a lifelong career in construction, so I learned how to navigate it, but I was never really at ease with it. At social gatherings, I always felt that I was more comfortable in female conversations. I don't understand why men are supposed to hate taking their wives clothes shopping. I love going shopping with my wife! She is my best friend and she is beautiful. Why wouldn't I want to help her find clothes? Long story short, I have spent a lifetime feeling like I don't really fit in. When I discovered Camille, all that changed. I'm learning how to let both my male and female sides coexist. I love Camille, and never want to shut that side of me down!

MissRachelW

The purge thing, I'm just coming back through it. It seemed to last just over a month this time. Previously it could be months. I think of it as an oscillating personality...And the oscillations are getting finer. It can be useful purging some social media accounts though! I've made mistakes in the past there. Happily, I haven't emptied my wardrobe this time, although I need to fetch my charity (goodwill) bag back from the car! What annoys me most is shaving my legs after a month. And I put on weight. Hey ho.
Trying to live my best life, realising you can't do it alone ❤️

TanyaG

Quote from: MissRachelW on January 27, 2025, 02:17:13 AMThe purge thing, I'm just coming back through it. It seemed to last just over a month this time. Previously it could be months. I think of it as an oscillating personality...And the oscillations are getting finer. It can be useful purging some social media accounts though! I've made mistakes in the past there. Happily, I haven't emptied my wardrobe this time, although I need to fetch my charity (goodwill) bag back from the car! What annoys me most is shaving my legs after a month. And I put on weight. Hey ho.

FWIW it seems the purging is in response to deeply imbued masculine scripts rearing their ugly heads and sending messages to say, 'You're not a real man if you do this!' Most of us drink the scripts in with our mother's milk and in my experience, they are almost impossible to suppress until you identify them as being there. Plus, it doesn't help if you have a partner who reinforces the scripts.

So if you can drag the masculine scripts, particularly this one, out of your subconscious, acknowledge it is there and then remind yourself that you feel better/different or whatever wearing women's clothes and learn to really enjoy it, then you'll be on the beginning of the journey to breaking the script. Kill that one and others will fall too.

For me one of the breakthroughs was when my partner said she really liked a bra I had bought and I said, 'I tell you what, why don't we get you three and please can I leave this one out as a reminder that some good things came of this?' If I hadn't had a partner that was around the time I realised that leaving my female clothes out was a sensible thing to do because taking it for granted they were around all the time helped normalise my attitude and helped pull the plug on that script that's giving you trouble and caught me out too, several times.
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