I think most of my health problems are from the attitude of both my parents, mostly from my dad. Any health problems as a child were dismissed as "faking it" on "only in your head." Like when I had an accident with the ice chisel, and my dad blew about me self injuring to get out of getting out of doing work. I think about the autism, and a possibility it was caught in school, but might have been dismissed by my dad as "faking it." I remember my mother talking about the delayed milestones (?) think like sitting on my own, starting to crawl, standing, walking, and talking. Interesting about the photo of me standing for the first time on my first birthday. My hand is on the bumper of the car supporting me. but must of all someone had a camera to photograph my first time standing. So, I am going to say, I think it was staged, I was put into a standing position and then photographed.
My hearing loss is called autistic trauma, due to my sister cupping her hand over my ear to tell me a secret, and then screaming into my ear. The pain caused me to turn my head, and another scream was into my other ear. So now I am hearing impaired. I remember a hearing test in school, although I don't remember what grade it was. If it did catch my hearing loss, again my dad's standard response "faking it." When my sister one day suggested learning sign language, I heard my dad say "he's faking it."
Learning about the narcissist, and how common it was to accuse someone else of doing the thing he is doing, to make the other person unaware of what he is doing. So, I have to do the work because my dad smashed his fingers as a child, and it is too painful to for him to do it. Now I wonder about the possibility that he self smashed his fingers, and is using the excuse to get out of doing work. In other words "he is faking it."
But, karma caught up with him. One day he slipped and cut his wrist on some glass. he had to get stitches. This time he was not faking it.
This amounts to medical neglect. Resulting in me not getting proper treatment thinking the doctor might tell me I'm faking it. With all the aches and pains dismissed as "it's not real, it's all in your head," I now turn off the pain, and continue as if nothing is wrong. And when I am this close to finally getting my estrogen, I again hear those words "faking it."
Michelle
