What has been the toughest ongoing or recurring thing about your transition?

[Northern Star Girl]

@LisaJenn
Dear LJ:
I noticed in your recent posting here on this thread that you had mentioned
that you have "combat related PTSD" ...which makes me believe that you are either
current Military or a Military Veteran.

We have a dedicated sub-forum board especially for our many members like yourself.
If you feel so inclined, please find your way to:
                    Military Veterans Confab
          https://www.susans.org/index.php/board,547.0.html

Also if you wish, you can see who our other Military members are, and introduce yourself
on the following LINK: 
             
      Click here first !!! Welcome to ALL presently Serving and Veteran Military members
                      https://www.susans.org/index.php/topic,247181.0.html 


Warmest Regards,
Danielle [Northern Star Girl]
The Forum Administrator
                              US AirForce Veteran... served right after college.
                                    1st Lt   First Lieutenant
                              Much of that time at Lackland Air Force Base in San Antonio, Texas
                              On staff at the Air Education and Training Command

cc: @Devlyn  @Jessica_Rose  @Mariah  @Lori Dee  @Sarah B

-I have to say, that being on hormones made such a difference in me. I have combat related PTSD, and E did more for me than any med did. My wife realized I was the same person inside I have always been, just a new and improved version! 😎 We both realized how deep our love is. 💜

- I've been seeing this PA at my Derm for almost 10 years. We're both distance runners and talk a lot about the ups and downs of training, and have seen each other at a lot of local races. There's always been an 'attraction tension' between us, but we both respect the boundaries, so I didn't have a second thought about seeing her. Of course I never thought about totally disrobing when I went to see her! 🤗 I'm MUCH more comfortable with female providers. My Primary Care doc (Fem)is very accepting, also.

[NatalieRene]

-I have to say, that being on hormones made such a difference in me. I have combat related PTSD, and E did more for me than any med did. My wife realized I was the same person inside I have always been, just a new and improved version! 😎 We both realized how deep our love is. 💜

- I've been seeing this PA at my Derm for almost 10 years. We're both distance runners and talk a lot about the ups and downs of training, and have seen each other at a lot of local races. There's always been an 'attraction tension' between us, but we both respect the boundaries, so I didn't have a second thought about seeing her. Of course I never thought about totally disrobing when I went to see her! 🤗 I'm MUCH more comfortable with female providers. My Primary Care doc (Fem)is very accepting, also.

That's great. We rarely actually change. It's the shell that adjusts but we are still ourselves. I was more outgoing after going full time so yeah there is that but it was always me. I'm glad your wife could see it was still you.

It's funny because my endocrinologist was an older gentleman and so was the surgeon who did my bottom surgery. I go to planned parenthood for my hormones now though since they are way closer. So female doctors there but I never really thought about it much.

[Gina P]

Having had hip replacement a few days ago. And being postop female. The nurse says strip and wipe with these disinfecting wipes. I had just got undressed and the surgeon comes to the door and asks if he can come in and talk to me. I tell him I'm naked and he responds with He is going to see it all in a few minutes anyway. Ok then. As we talk, he is unable to look away from my vagina. Finally he says would you mind covering up for me. I loved it, My body made the doctor uncomfortable!

[pretty pauline]

There is nothing wrong with the word "stealth", or "covert" for that mater. 

Stealth - is basically to "avoid attention" or to "not attract attention"

Covert - is basically "not openly shown" or "covered"

Both are adjectives that can be used to modify nouns to describe things.  Things that could be right or wrong.
I feel that in the context of controlling what we wish to share with others, being stealth, covert, and/or private are all acceptable practices.

Do what you feel is right for you.

Paulie. 

I totally agree, although I'm not fond of the word ''stealth'' it does mean avoiding unnecessary and hurtful attention, none of my neighbors are aware of my situation, myself and my husband are just another married couple, I'm basially living ''stealth'' as a married woman, I occasionally see my neighbors at the local grocery store or the hair salon getting my hair done, they smile and say hello, to them I'm just another boring mundane housewife grocery shopping and basically doing what women do.
Hubby works for a large firm and they have their annual Christmas party every year, wives and partners are invited, myself and hubby go every year and it's a great night, they don't know I'm trans but see and accept me as a woman, I'm just another work colleague wife, and that's the way we want to keep it, sometimes ''stealth'' is our only option, I don't think my husband could handle the pressure, reaction and ridicule from ignorant people and the cruel comments and gossip I can only imagine ''OMG Mark's gorgeous beautiful wife Pauline was born a guy and used to be a man'' That would hurt us dreadfully so we won't go there.
Anyway the Christmas party is next Saturday night, I'II get my hair and makeup done, pick out a nice outfit dress to wear and enjoy the night with my husband and being a happily married woman, my personal history is my own business.

[NatalieRene]

Having had hip replacement a few days ago. And being postop female. The nurse says strip and wipe with these disinfecting wipes. I had just got undressed and the surgeon comes to the door and asks if he can come in and talk to me. I tell him I'm naked and he responds with He is going to see it all in a few minutes anyway. Ok then. As we talk, he is unable to look away from my vagina. Finally he says would you mind covering up for me. I loved it, My body made the doctor uncomfortable!

Isn't that the truth. Most guys cannot control their wandering eyes. Cannot have the doctor thinking with his little brain.

[MsLeigh]

Reoccurring comments from people close to me.

All of these comments are negative and have an intervention agenda.  I love my wife and she has been my best friend.  She is an incredible person and partner.  However she is totally against recognizing my true gender. As she provides our insurance she has stopped payments to therapy. Parting ways would be an end to my financial security.  Retirement, housing, loss of medical insurance, and savings would be hard to adjust.  I have hand tremors that prevent me from ending retirement and going back in the workforce.  My keyboard skills are incredibly slow. I was in construction all my life and I now struggle with any hand tasks. My finger constantly massages the throttle or trigger on tools.  So in summary my hardest ongoing struggle is putting myself on hold and continually living as a male. The things in life that I enjoy are stopped.  Return of body hair, missing delicate fabrics, jewelry, clothing,.... putting all those things aside that I enjoy so much has been harder than I could imagine.  I am still secure in who I am and physical things will not change that.

[NatalieRene]

Reoccurring comments from people close to me.

All of these comments are negative and have an intervention agenda.  I love my wife and she has been my best friend.  She is an incredible person and partner.  However she is totally against recognizing my true gender. As she provides our insurance she has stopped payments to therapy. Parting ways would be an end to my financial security.  Retirement, housing, loss of medical insurance, and savings would be hard to adjust.  I have hand tremors that prevent me from ending retirement and going back in the workforce.  My keyboard skills are incredibly slow. I was in construction all my life and I now struggle with any hand tasks. My finger constantly massages the throttle or trigger on tools.  So in summary my hardest ongoing struggle is putting myself on hold and continually living as a male. The things in life that I enjoy are stopped.  Return of body hair, missing delicate fabrics, jewelry, clothing,.... putting all those things aside that I enjoy so much has been harder than I could imagine.  I am still secure in who I am and physical things will not change that.

I'm so sorry that this is happening to you and after you spent yourself to build your life together.

hugs

[Lori Dee]

I have hand tremors that prevent me from ending retirement and going back in the workforce.  My keyboard skills are incredibly slow. I was in construction all my life and I now struggle with any hand tasks.

That does make things difficult, but not impossible. True, you may have limits that prevent you from doing physical labor, but your mind has no such limits. Consider using all that experience to work as a consultant or an instructor. When I first became disabled due to a neck injury, I was with the Electrician's Union (IBEW). I worked as an instructor in their apprenticeship program teaching first-year apprentices about basic electricity, use of tools, OSHA, and other skills they would need on their way to becoming Journeymen.

Perhaps, this is something you could do (or something similar) to help stabilize your financial situation. It could work out so that you have more independence. That would put you in a position to be able to evaluate what you want to do without being held hostage (figuratively speaking). It is very difficult to feel happy and free while under the control of others. This is especially true when the controller is unsympathetic to your needs.

The flip side of that is that if you two were able to work things out, maybe she becomes more understanding of how this is affecting you, the extra income can't hurt. I truly hope things can work out for you.

[ChrissyRyan]

Taking each step forward has been tough to some degree, wondering if I should or not.
So far, I think it has been fine overall.

I love being a woman, as I always have been; but, in the wrong body and social situations growing up.

Chrissy

[NikkiM]

Realizing I was transgender at first. Good thing is I live a much happier life as my true self, the person before me is dead and gone for good that was unhappy.

[ChrissyRyan]

Okay so I am really thinking about big things as we start of the year.  While you may not agree:

Relationships may be the toughest thing.  They are quite complex.  Sure, there is the other person too, it is not just YOUR responsibility but we need to do our part, right?

I think that relationships are highly important and should be nourished, and never put on the back seat.  As one goes through life, what is more important than that, other than your relationship with God? 

Job?          NO, see Finances below
Finances?  NO, other you need to have enough for living
Sports?      NO
Your car?   NO
Hobbies?   NO
Vacation?  NO
Power?      NO
Sleep and rest and proper nutrition?  Well you cannot ignore that. You need to recharge, to try to stay healthy.


So as we transition, or even we are not going any further, it is so important to socialize, to interact, to give your time, to have a mentor, to mentor, to listen, to help, to continue to learn, to encourage, to have good relationships, to ask for forgiveness if you have done wrong, and if we are lucky enough, to share love.  That seems to me to be true for everyone, not just us who are or who have transitioned.

Chrissy

[kat2]

What has been the toughest ongoing or recurring thing about your transition?
For me it was my on going failed gender surgery, each time it failed i had to go back to a gender Identity Clinic, that meant turning up in role, which i will never forgive them for doing that to me, eventually my surgery was corrected with what was called coloplasty, which has its good and bad points, the good is it self lubricates and does not need dilation, the bad it sometimes over lubricates!! but at least i am clear of gender clinics and able to lead my own life and dress how i feel

[Mrs. Oliphant]

My daughter. After my parents passed away, she was all that stood in my way of beginning to be who I am. As it turns out, much of that was my fault; it has taken her two years to begin to accept my 'queerness'. If I had told her ten years ago, I would be eight years closer to who I am.