Anyone else not pass at all after years of HRT ?

[Selene858]

At this point I'm not even sure FFS and a BA would help push me into passing territory

I also don't pass as either gender and get clocky and creeped out stares whether I "boymode" or not

I look visibly trans either way

I definitely do put in the effort with weight cycling , brow grooming , skin care , well fitting clothes , etc

I'm still gendered male and only have gotten correctly gendered 3 times by accident

Am I just stuck being a clockbox and looking scary or uncanny ?

[Allie Jayne]

After nearly 20 years with hypogonadism, 6 years on HRT, BA, and 5 years full time, I still get misgendered because I have a large upper body and tiny hips and butt. They usually gender me correctly on their second look, but I know they are confused. Prior to going full time I was misgendered in male mode.I know I generally get by in public comfortably, but I also know people guess I am Trans.

Nobody treats me badly, and I have joined some social groups with acceptance, so my life is not bad. My ex is autistic and has mostly withdrawn from public since we split. Lots of cis people have it worse than I do, so I accept that I won't pass as a cis woman to everyone. There are some people who do think I am cis, at least one guy has asked me to go out with him, and I told him I was trans. He said he didn't realise it, so I realised there are people out there who are not observant of such things.

I could let it get me down, but I decided I wanted to spend the rest of my life with other people in it. I make presentations about transgender to my local community, and I have been approached to go on their committees, and join their groups, so if they can accept me, I should be able to as well.

Hugs,

Allie

[Lori Dee]

Hello Selene,

I'm Lori Dee. Welcome to Susan's Place!

Thank you for joining the forum and contributing to the discussions.

I think we all have wondered the same thing at some point. We have had many discussions here about "passing" and its meaning. I think we fail to see what we want to see because we are naturally more critical of ourselves than others are of us. We have this image built up of what a man or woman looks like then try to make ourselves look like that.

Through transition, we try to shake off the labels that others assign to us and just be ourselves. By "passing" we are just forcing ourselves out of one box and into another by trying to look and act the way that society expects us to.

Be yourself. Do what makes you happy. You cannot live your life at the whims of others. I did for most of my life and I was miserable. Happiness comes from within. When you start living your life as you, what other people think becomes less important.

We want to get to know you. Once you feel comfortable here, please feel free to stop by the Introductions Forum, introduce yourself and tell us something about you.

Clicking the HOME button will take you to a page where you can see the various sub-forums. Feel free to comment and share your experiences.

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@Selene858
@Sarah B
@Northern Star Girl

[Sarah B]

Hello Selene

My name is Sarah B and I would like to formally, Welcome you to Susan's Place!

I see that Allie and Lori have offered their perspectives on how they have dealt with similar issues that are similar to yours.

It's natural to feel disheartened when you're putting effort into your presentation and still feel like you're being misgendered or perceived as "visibly trans."  While procedures like FFS and BA might boost confidence for some, they aren't guaranteed solutions for "passing," which is a concept defined by society.

Instead of focusing solely on physical changes, consider embracing smaller affirmations, such as refining cues like voice, mannerisms, cloths or posture, which can sometimes make a meaningful difference.

More importantly, surround yourself with supportive communities that value authenticity and diversity in gender expression. Seeking guidance from a gender affirming therapist or specialist could also help address feelings of being "clocked" or "uncanny."

Remember, your worth isn't defined by societies perception and progress, even if slow, is valid. Instead of just focusing on "passing" also align your identity with how you live and finding joy in your unique journey.

Once you feel comfortable here, it would be appreciated if you add a little bit more about yourself in the other forums and threads.  I would appreciate it very much as, I'm always interested in learning something new about new members

In addition members of Susan's will more than likely will discuss problems or issues that are similar to yours as most have experienced these as well.

Take care and all the best for the future.

Once again, Welcome to Susan's Place!

Best Wishes Always
Sarah B
Global Moderator
@Lori Dee
@Northern Star Girl
@Selene858

[Sarah B]

Hi Selene

To help you find a way forward in your life, it would be appreciated if you told us your story, that is when you started your journey up and until your post and answer the following questions, so that members on Susan's can help you move forward.

• How long have you been on HRT, and how do you feel it has impacted your sense of passing?
• What aspects of your appearance or presentation do you feel most confident about, and which ones are the most challenging?
• How do you usually cope with situations where you feel clocked or stared at?
• Are there specific changes or steps, like FFS or BA, that you're considering to feel more aligned with your gender presentation?
• What support or resources have been most helpful for you in navigating these challenges?
• Are there any moments or environments where you've felt validated or correctly gendered, and what made those experiences stand out?

Take care and thank you in anticipation of your answers.

Best Wishes Always
Sarah B
Global Moderator

[Maid Marion]

Voice, mannerisms, and how you walk are three difficult issues for passing as female.

Females convey a lot of information with voice modulation and usually speak in long sentences to more accurately say what they want to  say.  Sometimes they need to express disapproval while not saying so!

[Lori Dee]

Good to see you again, MM!
I hope all is well.

[Oldandcreaky]

Good to see you again, MM!
I hope all is well.

I agree. I worried about MM.

[ChrissyRyan]

Welcome Selene!

Chrissy