Lilis Unveiled

[Pema]

I can very much relate to what Lilis said:

It honestly feels like I'm becoming someone entirely new, inside and out.

With the caveat that I'm not *entirely* new. I'm still "me," but I'm a pretty different me from the one I was before.

And, Annika, for me, it was initially quite disorienting, but I've acclimated to it along the lines of what Ashley said:

☝️😀 This approach is the key that opens many doors...

Sometimes we want to feel control and power over our lives but, sometimes the real power is found in letting go of the steering wheel while having faith and trust that we will still arrive at the proper destination... 🙏💕🌻

This really is essentially how I got here. I just surrendered to what is and discovered that I am... me - which is very different from what I'd been trying to be. Since then, I've told my wife more than once, "I feel like I have no idea what I'm doing or where I'm going," and every time she says, "Hallelujah! It's about time!" Now I've learned to float down the river and just feel it. I still don't know where I'm going, but I feel like I'm developing a sense for how to ride the raft.

[davina61]

Go with the flow dear.

[Lilis]

That must be such a profound and exhilarating journey! Is it also at times disconcerting or even frightening?

I think that will depend on how you respond to your transitioning. Remember we're aiming for the similiar goals but we're going to achieve it through different means.

So, no, not at all in my case.

For example here is a small example of what my lgbtq+ gender therapist wrote to me from our previous conversation.

I'm not going to include the vow because it is relevant to be only, and it is made up from my life experiences and from our conversations.

But here is a small example of what he wrote:

"Good morning Lilis,

What a holy, and ordinary miracle of becoming. I wrote your name into a vow. Let itch into your skin, your shadow, your spine. This is your vow to self, a promise not made from fear or performance, but from truth, freedom, and the fire you've walked through to be here.

This vow is now yours, Lilis.

However you choose to carry it, know this!

You are no longer becoming.

You are."

So, you see, this only applies to me, because of where I am in my journey.

Find where you are with your journey and adjust accordingly.

I hope that helps! 🫂

Not that those things are negatives but I am curious (for selfish reasons). I think I would like to feel out of control. Not in a bad way. Just allowing the world to happen to me without any filters between us. I'm not sure that will be possible since they won't allow me to take spiro and that's the only androgen blocker offered by PP.

Your gender therapist, can help here.

Thanks, Ash (with apologies to Lilis for usurping her blog for a moment).

Annika, I don't mind. But please be advised this is my story and dropping your light here will get drowned and forgotten in my story.

Perhaps it's time for Annika to beginning her own blog. 💓🌷


~ Lilis 🫂

[Pema]

Lilis, I love the excerpt from your therapist. Thank you for sharing that with us.

Perhaps it's time for Annika to beginning her own blog.

Thank you! This is literally what I was thinking earlier this morning: How is "A Journey of a Thousand Steps" not Annika's blog in Member Blogs? Shouldn't it be?

[Sephirah]

Lauren, I'm starting to think you might be a prophet or a psychic, that seems to be accurate. 

I am definitely a Non-Prophet Organisation. I don't think empath is quite the same thing but I do feel a lot of things a lot of the time.

I credit this part of myself to a mix of things:

GAHT, mental health therapy, spirituality, and the shared stories that I've read from the incredible women and men in these forums.

All of it has been shaping me in ways I never expected.

I don't remember being like this before my transition began. It honestly feels like I'm becoming someone entirely new, inside and out.

I hope that makes sense. It's the best way I can describe this unfolding experience... of me.

~ Lilis 🫂🌷

Honestly, Lilis, I think I'd put it down to this...



I'm not sure you're becoming someone as much as remembering someone the world made you forget. *hugs*

[Dances With Trees]

dropping your light here will get drowned and forgotten in my story.

I know not what course others may take but as for me, I will never forget your story. I will never have an epitaph, but if I did it would be a plagiarism of John Keats: Here lies one whose name was writ in water.
  Thanks for sharing your therapist with me. We are not becoming; we are. (BTW: I began with a mangled Patrick Henry quote but nothing about my sentiment was tongue in cheek). Thanks, Lilis.

[Lilis]

Honestly, Lilis, I think I'd put it down to this...



I'm not sure you're becoming someone as much as remembering someone the world made you forget. *hugs*

Yes precisely, and my lgbtq+ gender therapist words echos exactly that!

Here is a small example of what he wrote before it got buried in the thread:

"Good morning Lilis,

What a holy, and ordinary miracle of becoming. I wrote your name into a vow. Let itch into your skin, your shadow, your spine. This is your vow to self, a promise not made from fear or performance, but from truth, freedom, and the fire you've walked through to be here.

This vow is now yours, Lilis.

However you choose to carry it, know this!

You are no longer becoming.

You are."


~ Lilis 🫂

[Lilis]

I know that quote is meant to be funny, but what I shared was sacred to me. I've worked hard to get to a place where I can write and speak like this about my truth.

I'd love if it could be received with the spirit it came from.

Just saying.

~ Lilis 🫂

[Sephirah]

I know that quote is meant to be funny, but what I shared was sacred to me. I've worked hard to get to a place where I can write and speak like this about my truth.

I'd love if it could be received with the spirit it came from.

Just saying.

~ Lilis 🫂

That's fair. I am sorry, Lilis. I am on a roll tonight. It was not my intent to make light of anything. I seem to be messing up a lot of things with a lot of people lately.

Sorry.

Keep being you. You are beautiful.

[Lilis]

That's fair. I am sorry, Lilis. I am on a roll tonight. It was not my intent to make light of anything. I seem to be messing up a lot of things with a lot of people lately.

Sorry.

Keep being you. You are beautiful.

Thank you, Lauren. I appreciate the apology, and even more, I appreciate you hearing me.

I know we all get in playful moods sometimes.

It's just that moments like these are extremely meaningful to me, and I look forward to continuing to share them here as they unfold.


~ Lilis 🫂