Lilis' World

[Pema]

I can very much relate to what Lilis said:

It honestly feels like I'm becoming someone entirely new, inside and out.

With the caveat that I'm not *entirely* new. I'm still "me," but I'm a pretty different me from the one I was before.

And, Annika, for me, it was initially quite disorienting, but I've acclimated to it along the lines of what Ashley said:

☝️😀 This approach is the key that opens many doors...

Sometimes we want to feel control and power over our lives but, sometimes the real power is found in letting go of the steering wheel while having faith and trust that we will still arrive at the proper destination... 🙏💕🌻

This really is essentially how I got here. I just surrendered to what is and discovered that I am... me - which is very different from what I'd been trying to be. Since then, I've told my wife more than once, "I feel like I have no idea what I'm doing or where I'm going," and every time she says, "Hallelujah! It's about time!" Now I've learned to float down the river and just feel it. I still don't know where I'm going, but I feel like I'm developing a sense for how to ride the raft.

[davina61]

Go with the flow dear.

[Lilis]

That must be such a profound and exhilarating journey! Is it also at times disconcerting or even frightening?

I think that will depend on how you respond to your transitioning. Remember we're aiming for the similiar goals but we're going to achieve it through different means.

So, no, not at all in my case.

For example here is a small example of what my lgbtq+ gender therapist wrote to me from our previous conversation.

I'm not going to include the vow because it is relevant to be only, and it is made up from my life experiences and from our conversations.

But here is a small example of what he wrote:

"Good morning Lilis,

What a holy, and ordinary miracle of becoming. I wrote your name into a vow. Let itch into your skin, your shadow, your spine. This is your vow to self, a promise not made from fear or performance, but from truth, freedom, and the fire you've walked through to be here.

This vow is now yours, Lilis.

However you choose to carry it, know this!

You are no longer becoming.

You are."

So, you see, this only applies to me, because of where I am in my journey.

Find where you are with your journey and adjust accordingly.

I hope that helps! 🫂

Not that those things are negatives but I am curious (for selfish reasons). I think I would like to feel out of control. Not in a bad way. Just allowing the world to happen to me without any filters between us. I'm not sure that will be possible since they won't allow me to take spiro and that's the only androgen blocker offered by PP.

Your gender therapist, can help here.

Thanks, Ash (with apologies to Lilis for usurping her blog for a moment).

Annika, I don't mind. But please be advised this is my story and dropping your light here will get drowned and forgotten in my story.

Perhaps it's time for Annika to beginning her own blog. 💓🌷


~ Lilis 🫂

[Pema]

Lilis, I love the excerpt from your therapist. Thank you for sharing that with us.

Perhaps it's time for Annika to beginning her own blog.

Thank you! This is literally what I was thinking earlier this morning: How is "A Journey of a Thousand Steps" not Annika's blog in Member Blogs? Shouldn't it be?

[Sephirah]

Lauren, I'm starting to think you might be a prophet or a psychic, that seems to be accurate. 

I am definitely a Non-Prophet Organisation. I don't think empath is quite the same thing but I do feel a lot of things a lot of the time.

I credit this part of myself to a mix of things:

GAHT, mental health therapy, spirituality, and the shared stories that I've read from the incredible women and men in these forums.

All of it has been shaping me in ways I never expected.

I don't remember being like this before my transition began. It honestly feels like I'm becoming someone entirely new, inside and out.

I hope that makes sense. It's the best way I can describe this unfolding experience... of me.

~ Lilis 🫂🌷

Honestly, Lilis, I think I'd put it down to this...



I'm not sure you're becoming someone as much as remembering someone the world made you forget. *hugs*

[Dances With Trees]

dropping your light here will get drowned and forgotten in my story.

I know not what course others may take but as for me, I will never forget your story. I will never have an epitaph, but if I did it would be a plagiarism of John Keats: Here lies one whose name was writ in water.
  Thanks for sharing your therapist with me. We are not becoming; we are. (BTW: I began with a mangled Patrick Henry quote but nothing about my sentiment was tongue in cheek). Thanks, Lilis.

[Lilis]

Honestly, Lilis, I think I'd put it down to this...



I'm not sure you're becoming someone as much as remembering someone the world made you forget. *hugs*

Yes precisely, and my lgbtq+ gender therapist words echos exactly that!

Here is a small example of what he wrote before it got buried in the thread:

"Good morning Lilis,

What a holy, and ordinary miracle of becoming. I wrote your name into a vow. Let itch into your skin, your shadow, your spine. This is your vow to self, a promise not made from fear or performance, but from truth, freedom, and the fire you've walked through to be here.

This vow is now yours, Lilis.

However you choose to carry it, know this!

You are no longer becoming.

You are."


~ Lilis 🫂

[Lilis]

I know that quote is meant to be funny, but what I shared was sacred to me. I've worked hard to get to a place where I can write and speak like this about my truth.

I'd love if it could be received with the spirit it came from.

Just saying.

~ Lilis 🫂

[Sephirah]

I know that quote is meant to be funny, but what I shared was sacred to me. I've worked hard to get to a place where I can write and speak like this about my truth.

I'd love if it could be received with the spirit it came from.

Just saying.

~ Lilis 🫂

That's fair. I am sorry, Lilis. I am on a roll tonight. It was not my intent to make light of anything. I seem to be messing up a lot of things with a lot of people lately.

Sorry.

Keep being you. You are beautiful.

[Lilis]

That's fair. I am sorry, Lilis. I am on a roll tonight. It was not my intent to make light of anything. I seem to be messing up a lot of things with a lot of people lately.

Sorry.

Keep being you. You are beautiful.

Thank you, Lauren. I appreciate the apology, and even more, I appreciate you hearing me.

I know we all get in playful moods sometimes.

It's just that moments like these are extremely meaningful to me, and I look forward to continuing to share them here as they unfold.


~ Lilis 🫂

[Lilis]

I just got my June 2025 hormone labs, and I wanted to share a quick update on how things are going in my gender affirming journey, not just for me, but maybe for someone else out there who needs reassurance that slow and steady transformation is still transformation.

I've been on hormone therapy for a little over a full year now since starting in June 2024, and the inner and outer changes are starting to harmonize in ways that feel so aligned with my goal.

Code Select Expand

June 2025 Lab Results

Total Testosterone 14 ng/dL - Fully suppressed. This is expected and exactly where I want it for now for feminizing HRT.

Estradiol 122 pg/mL   - Perfect range for oral E2, I'm absorbing it well and don't need to change a thing.

Potassium 4.4 mmol/L - Normal and healthy, this matters a lot when you're on Spiro.

Creatinine / eGFR 0.76 mg/dL - Kidneys are functioning well.

Feeling grateful for how my body is keeping up.

This journey isn't always fast, and it's definitely not linear, and I'm proud of every step I've taken.

For my trans sisters, nonbinary fam, and anyone navigating GAHT, your body is not late, and your spirit is right on time. ✨

Thank you for walking this journey with me. 💗


~ Lilis 🫂

[Dances With Trees]

Thank you for walking this journey with me.

I am grateful to share your journey as you share mine, Lilis. You said something in an earlier post that caught me totally off guard and I responded poorly: our journeys are sacred. Cis or trans, straight or gay, nonbinary or none or all of the above: the path each soul takes is sacred ground, as is each soul. As trans people, I think we tend to be more aware of the profound and solemn nature of embracing 'becoming' while accepting 'I am.' I am so much more aware of my vulnerability and fragility since declaring to the world 'I am woman' than I ever was throughout the course of my 'cis' life. Thanks to you, Lilis, and those on Susan's who share your strong but gentle spirit, I am becoming more sensitive to that same fragility in others. I may not always get it right, but I am doing the best I can. 

[Pema]

Lilis, thank you for sharing the details of your GAHT experience. I'm so pleased to know that you are progressing in very much the way that you'd hoped.

[Lilis]

This Sunday, June 29th, I will be marching with The Center in the 2025 NYC Pride March, and I am so excited, so grateful, and so ready.

This isn't just a walk down a crowded street.

For me, this is a sacred procession.

A coming home.

A living testimony.

I am woman. I am trans. I am.

And this Pride, I am unapologetically visible. After years of hiding, of surviving, of healing, I now get to march. Not away from who I was, but toward who I am. With every step, I'm reclaiming my voice, my body, my story. And I'm doing it shoulder-to-shoulder with a community that has carried and held each other through so much.


To be invited into this march not just as a spectator, but as a registered marcher with The Center's contingent is a dream and a declaration:

I am here. I belong. I matter.

I'll be there bright and early, I'll wear my t-shirt with pride, I'll dance near the float, I'll sweat in the June sun.

And I'll cry if I need to, because these tears are not just sorrow or survival anymore.

They are joy, power, and freedom.


We rise. We march. We unveil.

🌹🌈 With Pride,

~ Lilis

[Pema]

Lilis! Congratulations! That's fantastic!

I'm so happy and proud and excited for you. I can't wait to hear about your experience afterward.

[Emma1017]

That is so wonderful Lilis!!!

Happy Pride!!!

[Lilis]

Lilis! Congratulations! That's fantastic!

That is so wonderful Lilis!!!

Thank you so much, Pema and Emma.

Happy Pride as well! 🌷


~ Lilis 💓

[Lilis]

Hii,

So what's going on?

There's been a death in my ex's family, my son's grandfather. He suffered a fatal heart attack.

Truthfully, it doesn't affect me, personally we never got along. We argued often, even over things unrelated to his daughter. It always seemed like we were oil and water, no matter how much we tried.

May he rest in peace.

But it does affect me because my ex and my son were both deeply attached to him.

They're heartbroken and still grieving, and that makes me sad.

Alright, how about you? What's been happening in your life?

I've been socially transitioning.

What is social transitioning, exactly?

"Social transitioning refers to the everyday steps a transgender, nonbinary, or gender-diverse person takes to live in alignment with their gender identity in public and personal settings—without involving medical or surgical changes. It's about how we show up in the world and how others perceive and interact with us."

And yes, that's it, how I show up in the world and how others meet me, day after day.

There's a lot more to it than that, really.

Too much to explain in one post.

But if you're curious, I encourage you to Google it, every person's experience is different, and the journey is rich and deeply personal.

That said, meeting Ra changed my life.

I'm so glad I pushed through the fear and emotional overwhelm I felt the day we first met. Because that moment opened a whole new chapter in my transition, specifically this social transitioning thingy.

Ra became the doorway into a new way of life.

Through her, I've met many beautiful women, both trans and cis, who've welcomed me with open arms into their circle of sisterhood and womanhood.

Yes. I am one of the women.

Ra, thank you. I love you. ❣️

This is sapphic a word I didn't even know before, let alone understand. But as my journey unfolds into places I never imagined, I'm discovering more of who I am, and what that means.

Another part of my social transition has been my name change. Everything's been submitted to the courts, now I'm just waiting for it to be legal. Lol.

That's all for now. Thank you for reading, and for chiming in.

With love,

~ Lilis 🌷

[Dances With Trees]

Thanks, Lilis, for sharing another moment of your beautiful journey. Grief is such a slow healer. But I can imagine no better balm than a mother's hug.

[tgirlamg]

Lilis!

What a wonderful post little sister! Many congrats on getting to the place where you find yourself now...

I remember well my early days of social transitioning... diving in and finding the waters warm and inviting... such a liberating thing to see ourself reflected in the eyes of others and realizing that life's possibilities are endless and fully ours to choose from...

Enjoy each moment girl... It is an absolute pleasure to see life open up and blossom for you!

Onward We Go Brave Sister!

Ashley 💕