Cloe’s self-observations

[cloe_2023]

Dear all,
that shall be my blog for observations on myself and my environment, and anecdotes while moving on the gender spectrum. Please enjoy and comment – but please never forget: While we share so much and have much in common our cultures, our (political) environments and state in our journeys differ largely.

Cloe (57), Belgium


Is losing male privilege a first step in passing?

An encounter today at the local farmers market. Outside temperature 0°C – rare in Belgium – I am wearing a long red cardigan that shows under a windbreaker, a scarf and my natural curly long hair flows free down to shoulder. So, from behind I might have looked passable – albeit, a bit broad shouldered.

At a dairy stand, I am first in queue behind two men just being served, behind me a smaller women of Asian origin. A man probably in late 60s comes from a back, skips the line, puts himself on the counter, makes himself large (well, he isn't. I am at least 10cm taller) and seeks eye-contact with the vendors. How does he dare?

The vendor having finished her client, ignores him and turns to me: 'Bonjour monsieur'. The man immediately visibly buckles, turns his head towards me, eyes wide open as if in horror.... Does he suddenly realise that he had infringed the rights of ... a man, he had mistaken for a woman? I smile to the lady behind me and the vendor – and get the smile returned.

[ChrissyRyan]

So in Belgium a man may step to the front of a serving line if only women are in line, and that is socially accepted behavior?  Or is it always rude behavior to cut in line?

[Sarah B]

Hi Everyone

Cloe you asked the following question:

Is losing male privilege a first step in passing?

If your aim is to become a 'female' then, Yes, losing male privilege is one of those initial steps in passing, as it reflects how society begins to perceive and treat you as female.  This loss becomes evident through exclusion from male dominated conversations (I can relate to this one) or facing challenges unique to women, such as discrimination, ceiling level, safety concerns, or being seen as part of the "weaker sex."

While I didn't initially recognize male privilege or think about it consciously, moments like being left out of discussions among men highlighted this shift.  Losing male privilege is not just about societal treatment, it also involves navigating the vulnerabilities and realities of living life as a female.

Despite all these concerns, I pushed forward with determination.  Why did I keep going? I don't have a simple answer.  It was just something I had to do.  That's life.  These challenges, including the loss of male privilege, were simply part of living my life as a female and I accepted them as they came.  Through it all, I chose to continue forward, embracing my life as a female fully and completely.

Best Wishes Always
Sarah B
Global Moderator
@cloe_2023

[cloe_2023]

So in Belgium a man may step to the front of a serving line if only women are in line, and that is socially accepted behavior?  Or is it always rude behavior to cut in line?

Dear ChrissyRyan,

Clearly, it is not socially accepted behaviour in Belgium to skip any line. It would always be considered rude.

My point is: For some (like this man), the barrier to jump to skip the line is lower when he sees only women in the line. So it is not so much about 'socially accepted behaviour' but about individually perceived limits set by those directly interacting with you.

Another example some days earlier.

It was snowing. The sidewalk along an inner-town busy street is narrow and hardly cleared. A woman (giving Latin-American appearance - mentioning it as I think there is a race dimension in it as well) comes out of a laundry shop with a big bag of laundry. Our passes will cross, she makes herself ready to step into the puddle. I make a fast step and jump into a house's entry. She smiles and continues on the cleared part of the sidewalk. She looks at me saying, "Oh, one doesn´t expect that from a man".

An interesting take on gendered expected behaviour - pity that I didn't pass that moment. Courtesy expectations have changed, it seems.

[ChrissyRyan]

Simple curtesies can go a long way.

[ChrissyRyan]

I have received some niceties by those receiving me as a woman.
This includes using the correct pronouns, name, holding a door open, and "please, after you."  Also:
Complimenting me on jewelry or something about my appearance, asking what Chrissy thinks, etc.

Then again I have experienced some mansplaining, some very awkward moments by those clearly trying to suppress their laughter (in my opinion, of course) or "was HE a DEI hire?", when told about that question presented to a colleague who spoke on behalf of me as being very competent.

I think there IS male privilege though.  In some societies it is extreme. 

Chrissy