Hi NostradamusMy name is
Sarah and I would also like to formally, Welcome you to Susan's Place!
I see that other members of Susan's have also welcomed you as well.
First, I want to thank you for sharing your story. It takes a lot of strength to open up about everything you have been through and I want you to know that your experiences are heard and appreciated. I can see how much you have fought to build a life for yourself, only to be met with setback after setback. That is incredibly frustrating and I understand why you feel overwhelmed. You are looking for support and I want to offer a perspective that may help you move forward.
I was in a similar situation once. There was a downturn in my industry as a draftsperson and I found myself without a stable place to live. I was on the street for a day before I got into a women's refuge. That gave me shelter, food, and clothing, which were the most essential things I needed at the time. I was not detransitioning, but I did have to rebuild my life from nothing.
I stayed in the refuge for a year and used that time to enroll in an office administration course. It was not my dream career, but it was the fastest way to get stable work. By the end of the year, I secured public housing and found a job. No one knew about my past. I was 33 years old when I started over and it worked.
Another member here also faced a difficult time like this. She was struggling financially and took on multiple jobs to survive. It was not easy, but she made it through. Her experience shows that even in the worst situations, there are ways to regain stability. It may not feel like it now, but you still have options.
Here is what I believe will help you:
- Secure Shelter and Stability: If you feel trapped in a toxic home environment, look into shelters or transitional housing programs. Having a safe place to stay is the foundation for recovery. If you can move out, even into temporary housing, you will not have to deal with your mother on a daily basis, which could greatly improve your mental well being.
- Take Any Job for Now: I understand that retail feels like a step backward, but right now survival is the priority. It does not have to be forever, but it will give you financial stability while you plan your next steps. Many of us have had to take jobs we did not want just to get through difficult times.
- Consider Education or Training: If you feel stuck, a short course or certification could help you get into a better-paying job. Community colleges and online courses offer quick, affordable options in fields like office administration, medical billing and IT support.
- Find a Better Psychiatrist if Needed: Your psychiatrist is right that a job will help with stability, but if you feel unsupported, find a different provider. Either way, mental health support is essential right now.
- Do Not Let One Doctor Gatekeep Your HRT: If your doctor is forcing you to see a psychiatrist to continue HRT, look for another provider. Many informed consent clinics offer telehealth options and you may be able to get a prescription from a provider in another state.
- Keep Your Identity Private When Possible: You mentioned that you passed well before, so there is no need to disclose your past unless it is necessary for medical reasons. If people perceive you as female, let them. It will make life easier.
- Detransitioning: Is your choice, but consider the consequences. It is ultimately up to you whether you decide to detransition. If you do, please seek a therapist who specializes in gender identity issues to guide you through the process. However, based on what you have written about yourself, it does not seem like a good choice and would likely lead to more personal struggles.
Gender dysphoria is not something that simply disappears and if you force yourself down a path that does not align with who you are, it could create even more distress in the future.
I know this is overwhelming, but you are not beyond hope. You are not broken. You are in a bad situation and bad situations can be changed. Right now your focus should be on survival, getting stable housing, securing any job and ensuring you keep access to HRT. Once you have those things, you can start working toward something better.
You are not alone. Keep reaching out. We are here for you.
Once you feel comfortable here, it would be appreciated if you add a little bit more about yourself in the other forums and threads. I would appreciate it very much as, I'm always interested in learning something new about new members
In addition members of Susan's will more than likely will discuss problems or issues that are similar to yours as most have experienced these issues as well.
Take care and all the best for the future.
Once again, Welcome to Susan's Place!Best Wishes AlwaysSarah BGlobal Moderator@Devlyn @Jessica_Rose @Mariah @Northern Star Girl @Lori Dee @Nostradamus91
