Speed of acceptance

[Brydee]

Hi all,
Just wonder how quickly friends and family have accepted you upon your
Coming out.

My parents surprised myself when I made the jump.
Mum explained they had a feeling that they should have acted on 20 years ago.
Within 20min mum had already given myself a new name.

[KathyLauren]

Hi, Brydee.  Welcome!  I am sure someone from the staff will be along shortly to give you an official welcome.

People have accepted me pretty quickly.  My wife was surprised, but then not surprised.  The second person I came out to was a lesbian neighbour, whom I turned to for advice, knowing that she counseled trans kids.  Instant acceptance there, of course. 

I came out to my older brother by email.  He is gay, so I wasn't worried about acceptance there.  With my younger brother, I sensed some hesitation in his reply, but he has accepted me.  My only other relatives are a cousin-by-marriage in Australia (Her husband, my blood-relative cousin, had already passed away), and two cousins in Germany that I have no contact with.

My old best friend from high school accepted me right away.  Most of the old air force colleagues that I contacted were accepting.  A few did not respond to my messages, and that in itself is a response.  In groups that I belong to, in particular a concert band and an astronomy club, a mass email to the group brought immediate acceptance from most.

In general, I have found that people either accept you right away or they don't right away.  I haven't had the experience of winning someone over slowly.  Fortunately, most people are accepting.

[Lori Dee]

Hello Brydee,

I'm Lori Dee. Welcome to Susan's Place!

I see that you just signed up and this is your first post. Thank you for joining the discussions.

We strive to make this a safe place to find information and share your thoughts and comments. No matter who you are, you are always welcome at Susan's Place.

My experience is the same as KathyLauren's, people either accept you right away or not. You can read more about my experience in my story. I think that as you read other member's stories you will find that acceptance varies quite a bit and it doesn't always come from those who you might expect.

We would like to get to know you. Once you feel comfortable here, please feel free to stop by the Introductions Forum, introduce yourself and tell us something about you.

When you click on the HOME button, you will see a page that lists all of the various sub-forums by category and topic. Each sub-forum has a description of what that forum is about, as well as any guidelines for posting.

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@Brydee
@Sarah B
@Northern Star Girl

[Robbyv213]

I have only come out to my mom, and my wife. My mom was accepting off the bat since my older brother is gay and already had processed and had that change of perspective years ago.

My wife on the other hand is on the fence. She loves me, says she would support me in what ever ways that she can but doesn't think she can remain my wife if I transition or go past a certain point, we don't know what point that is for her since she has never delt with this before. So I guess she is really just hoping she doesn't lose her husband while trying to be as supportive and understanding as she can be. Not sure that is really acceptance, but she has demonstrated over the last year (since I came out to her last April) that she is still here and we're still together. So that's something.

[ChrissyRyan]

Hi!

    Welcome Brydee!


Chrissy

[D'Amalie]

So I guess she is really just hoping she doesn't lose her husband while trying to be as supportive and understanding as she can be. Not sure that is really acceptance

Welcome to my world.  It's been 10 years, we are still an item (together 30 years).  She (wife) just really struggles when I go out to conduct business en femme.  That indicates, non-acceptance to me, but we are too old you let it ruin what we have.  Maybe that will help you too?  Androgenous dressing, always works, she doesn't mind my Torrid (brand women's clothing as long as I'm not dressed to the nines.  I always opt for comfortable clothing, yet makeup, hair, and jewelry is femme every day, but age appropriate etc.  I love bombshell blue-jeans and jumpers, and not particularly fond of skirts anyhow.  She is tomboyish herself and always has been. 

So give your wife a chance to ease in.  Slamming her into reality will likely not be effective.  There is so much experience on this forum.  Each of our stories are different.  From full on battle with splitting the sheets, to tolerance begrudgingly offered and those seeming rarities, full acceptance.

[D'Amalie]

By the way, my hair is white/very little gray anymore mid-shoulder blade length, curled every morning before work or leaving the house.  My wife always asks me if she needs to leave the curling iron on for me. I like medium hoop (1 inch or smaller) earrings.  She even bought me 1/4 carat each ruby studs for Valentines day this year!

Eyeliner and mascara limited to professional (think Law & Order ADA).  Women's Skecher Cozy Fit Slip-ons are my current comfy shoe.  There's more underneath, but I've covered undies preferences in the forum a few times before.  I don't flaunt what I have, but it's all me and I'm not shy about my jumpers and polo shirts fitting what I have (in other words, smooth cups unless I really want to wear my favorite lacy numbers).  Our hang up is no nipples showing, modesty is best Mom always said! Bras straps are what they are, besides I do like to keep them covered, but there's no doubt what they are ...

 

[Robbyv213]

Welcome to my world.  It's been 10 years, we are still an item (together 30 years).  She (wife) just really struggles when I go out to conduct business en femme.  That indicates, non-acceptance to me, but we are too old you let it ruin what we have.  Maybe that will help you too?  Androgenous dressing, always works, she doesn't mind my Torrid (brand women's clothing as long as I'm not dressed to the nines.  I always opt for comfortable clothing, yet makeup, hair, and jewelry is femme every day, but age appropriate etc.  I love bombshell blue-jeans and jumpers, and not particularly fond of skirts anyhow.  She is tomboyish herself and always has been. 

So give your wife a chance to ease in.  Slamming her into reality will likely not be effective.  There is so much experience on this forum.  Each of our stories are different.  From full on battle with splitting the sheets, to tolerance begrudgingly offered and those seeming rarities, full acceptance.

Yea. Hopefully that will be the case. Slow and steady wins the race, and slowly she will come around. Her main hang ups are that she isn't attracted to women, and she has fears about her family finding out (super old school parents that would disown her) and also worried about losing custody of her daughter to her ex husband. So I think at most I'll get tolerance from her, maybe more if we separate and she puts a lot of space between us for when her family finds out and she becomes a girl friend vs a spouse/romantic partner. I know she does not want to start over in a new relationship though either. But living or being in a relationship long term with someone that caused you a lot of distress and pain and anger and a lot of other emotions from their transition is only going to create resentment and at that point the relationship is dead. Resentment kills all relationships

[Alana1990]

I've only come out to one person, my cousin. I told her I was transgender. She's very accepting, and encouraging. She told me she had been patiently for me to tell her I was trans. She was the first person I told when I felt feminine, and that I was exploring my feminine side before I realized I was transgender.

[Mrs. Oliphant]

When I told everyone I was genderfluid (avoiding using the word 'queer' with them), no one believed me. My daughter has conditionally accepted my 'femininity.' Of course, the conditions are hers. It's not an easy journey for me, but it's definitely one worth taking. May the road rise up to meet you, Brydee.

[Asche]

My family (i.e., siblings -- my parents are dead) have at least superficially gone along with my transition -- name change, pronouns.  But my relationship with them is so superficial (it's like we're pretending to be family) that I don't know what, if anything, they really feel about it.  My guess is that they just don't think about it.  I don't know if their relationship with one another is any better, though.

I spoke with one niece, who is quite accepting; she and her husband both visited me in the hospital when I had my SRS.  I suspect the others are, too, but I haven't spent enough time with any of them to know for sure.

As for friends: such friends as I have are from fairly liberal/progessive groups that are already pretty LGBT-friendly, so it hasn't been a problem there.

[henrychan]

For me ,it's my friend, I know him from school until we grow up, he always have the girly type, his family say that he's no hope being a man...

After finish school, he slowly transition to become a woman, and he not even look as a man,

Sometimes we will go out, and she always tell story about her new life, and last stage of her ttansition is surgery to remove the bottom,

And now she 100% a woman, her family accept who she is, and we remain close friend,

It took 10 years she said that family truly accept him...