Hello SophieMy name is
Sarah and I would also like to formally, Welcome you to Susan's Place!
I see that other members of Susan's have also welcomed you as well.
It is wonderful to have you here and I appreciate you sharing your story very much. This forum is a great place to find support, advice and understanding from others who have walked similar paths.
Sophie I can see that you are reaching out for support and I want to address some serious concerns in what you have shared. You are in a complicated situation and the choices you make now will have lasting consequences for you, your fiancée and your children.
The biggest issue is that you are keeping this a secret from your fiancée. Marriage is built on trust and you are preparing to make a lifelong commitment to someone who does not know the full truth about you. That is not just a minor omission it is a fundamental part of who you are. You need to tell your partner and I would suggest you read this
story. Especially the part where it says, "TELL HER THE TRUTH." If she finds out later whether by accident or because you reach a point where you can no longer suppress this, the damage will be far worse than if you had been honest from the beginning.
You also believe that you can contain this to one hour per week as if that will be enough. But I can tell you from what I know that is not how this works. Feelings about femininity do not fade over time they become stronger. Maybe you think an hour per week is enough right now but what happens when it is not? What happens when you find yourself wanting more? If you have no plan for that moment you risk being caught in a situation where you are forced to make choices without control over the outcome.
Take my case for instance. My feelings during the years 1980 to 1989 grew stronger and stronger and what I did during those years increased. Until finally in February 1989 I changed my life around.
Your children are another factor you may not have fully considered. Right now you are focused on keeping this hidden but have you thought about how this secrecy might affect them? Children notice more than we realize and if they discover this in an unexpected way they may feel confused or betrayed. Have you thought about whether you will ever tell them? If so how? You are creating a situation where the truth may come out under circumstances you cannot control.
Then there is the emotional toll of living a double life. Keeping a secret this big creates stress guilt and exhaustion. The longer you suppress this the harder it will become and I have read too many stories about people reach a breaking point because they ignored the warning signs. To help you move forward I would suggest connecting with a gender therapist, psychiatrist, psychologist or counsellor. They can help you work through your thoughts and untangle all those "what ifs." These professionals can provide valuable insights into your feelings assist you in understanding your identity and guide you in figuring out the next steps if any that feel right for you.
Right now you are stepping into something without a clear long term plan. You have said,
"The rest we'll see..." but that kind of uncertainty is dangerous when dealing with something this personal and life changing. If you do not take control of your situation now you may be forced to deal with it on someone else's terms whether that is your wife's, your children's or life pushing you into a corner.
Sophie I know you feel like you are balancing between two worlds trying to hold on to both. But secrecy is not a sustainable solution in your case. The longer you avoid making a decision the more complicated and painful the outcome will be. You need to think carefully about what you truly want and how you will handle this before it spirals into something beyond your control.
In answer to your question, "What do you think?" It is not about what I think. The real question is, what do you truly want in your life? Only you can answer that and only you can decide what path is right for you.
I am glad you found your way here and I hope you find the support and conversations you are looking for. Looking forward to seeing you around Susan's.
Once you feel comfortable here, it would be appreciated if you add a little bit more about yourself in the other forums and threads. I would appreciate it very much as, I'm always interested in learning something new about new members.
In addition members of Susan's will more than likely will discuss problems or issues that are similar to yours as most have experienced these issues as well.
Take care and all the best for the future.
Once again, Welcome to Susan's Place!Best Wishes AlwaysSarah BGlobal Moderator@Devlyn @Jessica_Rose @Mariah @Northern Star Girl @Lori Dee @SophieMaidFr64
