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Looking back and smiling how i almost was not

Started by kat2, March 30, 2025, 07:46:05 AM

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kat2

I guess, from the outset some things just happened which was perhaps faite? Born with blonde curly hair my mother was often greeted with isn't she beautiful!! my faite took another twist when I had stunted growth, the doctor suggested options one of which my mother accepted and I started ballet at school.

Life was tough with being asked if I was a girl, even my cousins called me a pretty girl!!! My other sin was a high-pitched voice, I had everything to pin the tail to the donkey. In ballet I found I could express myself, needless to say I ended up doing the girls' parts, which for me just added to my inner thoughts, more so that there were more girls at ballet school than boys.

At school a boy had a crush on me and my emotions were all over the place, on the one hand I saw him as my protector, he acted like he owned me, but that just added in to messing my head up. The year-end school report was another mixed message, it read this rather effeminate little boy and went on about me not taking part in sports, indeed I sat at the side of the pitch making daisy chain neckless's.

My first breakdown and wishing to die, my mum and dad took me to hospital, I had stopped eating and looked like I had had a stroke, I could not function, a psychiatrist deemed that I had had a nervous breakdown!!! Confronting my thoughts was hard. Whilst in hospital I began to talk about my thoughts but the conflict was I want out, end, no more.

I attended a Gender Identity Clinic but soon ended up back in hospital because I could not get my head around getting into role, I despised it. For me it was not about clothes. I ended up having another breakdown and eventually agreed to conform. I was groomed into the stereo typical image of what they wanted, my heart was a mess, this was not me. I argued that if I wore a white coat that did not make me a doctor, nonetheless, I was told to do as I was told.

When things started to get better was the introduction of hormone therapy. I was given a high dosage of cyproterone and Premarin. The psychiatrist asked how I felt and looking down at my body I smiled and god my boobs really hurt (ouch). My mind became less foggy and I watched over time as my hips began to grow. I learnt how to express myself through clothes.

I was turned out the perfect little blonde that the clinic wanted, my speech was excellent and I was shown off. By this time I had learnt the art of flirting and male attention!! It was the 1980s and boys did not hold back from wolf whistles, to "I wouldn't mind giving her one."

Living in a house share with four girls meant Friday night was a night out. This was when the psychiatrist decided that it was time for my surgery, sadly the clutches of the psychiatrists was not about to end. My surgery failed, I said something stupid and ended up being detained whilst they figured out what to do with me.

I was given a care plan to seek out a surgeon that could fix me, I had to endure condescending men. "Would the pretty little one with the sad face come in." Grrrr U made me late to get home now I am stuck here. The surgeon smiled and said, "Do not worry you can sleep in the nurses' quarter at the hospital."

The surgeon went on to say he knew how to correct my surgery but did not have the necessary skills to correct your surgery. He wanted to team up with one of the UK's lead surgeons but he was private.

That night back at the nurses' quarter I sat in the common room watching television and drinking tea. A girl sat next to me said, "Hey you can't be a nurse you're way too glam!!!"

Eventually I did get my surgery sorted out and had several relationships, two of which lasted several years. I was lucky that I was able to go through surgery at a relatively young age (at that time).

I look back and smile, car doors opened for me, my heavy shopping taken out of my hand. Men still enforce the feminine trait, like when I was learning to drive. Me and my driving instructor were both blondes in an open top car. We approached a road junction, it was a busy main road and a guy comes along in his big truck and stops all the traffic and gestures for us to go forward.

I looked at my driving instructor, grinned and said, "You think it's his hands on that steering wheel? It's not!!!" I refused to pull out. Needless to say, my driving instructor put her foot down and we were off.

I found men to be very condescending, telling me I didn't mean what I said, and "Go and do something with your hair." Grrrr.
I am best described on forums as Transsexual
My outlook will be very different to most
I came from a time when gender dysphoria was looked upon as a mental health condition.

ChrissyRyan

Thank you for sharing!

Once I was mansplained but it did not turn out well for him, as he realized he was talking down to a person who was far more knowledgeable than he about the matter.  He turned out later to be okay and has been quite respectful. 

Chrissy
Always stay cheerful, be polite, kind, and understanding. Accepting yourself as the woman you are is very liberating.  Never underestimate the appreciation and respect of authenticity.  Help connect a person to someone that may be able to help that person.  Be brave, be strong.  A TRUE friend is a treasure.  Relationships are very important, people are important, and the sooner we all realize that the better off the world will be.  Try a little kindness.  Be generous with your time, energy, wisdom, and resources.   Inconvenience yourself to help someone.   I am a brown eyed, brown haired woman. 
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    The following users thanked this post: Lilis, MaryT

Lilis

Quote from: kat2 on March 30, 2025, 07:46:05 AMMy first breakdown and wishing to die, my mum and dad took me to hospital, I had stopped eating and looked like I had had a stroke, I could not function, a psychiatrist deemed that I had had a nervous breakdown!!! Confronting my thoughts was hard. Whilst in hospital I began to talk about my thoughts but the conflict was I want out, end, no more.

I attended a Gender Identity Clinic but soon ended up back in hospital because I could not get my head around getting into role, I despised it. For me it was not about clothes. I ended up having another breakdown and eventually agreed to conform. I was groomed into the stereo typical image of what they wanted, my heart was a mess, this was not me. I argued that if I wore a white coat that did not make me a doctor, nonetheless, I was told to do as I was told.

Haha, you get to have two introductions! 😅 (Just kidding!)

Kat2, I really enjoyed reading your story. It's a powerful reflection on both the struggles and triumphs of trans history. Despite the pain you faced it sounds like you've persevered and found love, happiness, and self-acceptance.

I'm sorry to hear about your first surgery, and your time in the hospital, but I'm glad you were able to have it corrected.

Once again, welcome to Susan's!


~ Lilis
More about me:
Emerging from Darkness  ✨ | GAHT - 6/10/2024. ⚕️ | Electrolysis - 2/23/2025 ⚡| Progesterone - 3/24/2025 ⚕️ | Body laser - 3/26/2025 👙

"I'm still exploring what it means to be me". 💭

Mrs. Oliphant

Hi Kat-- You seem to be leading a most interesting life. I look forward to reading more from you. And I was so relieved that your botched surgery was finally corrected.
  • skype:lodgeofthegraybear@gmail.com?call
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    The following users thanked this post: Lori Dee, Lilis, MaryT

tgirlamg

kat2!

Good to see your introduction story sister!... I am glad you persevered to bring it to us after the technical glitch!... Kudos to you for traveling a hard road... surviving the journey and thriving on the other side of it all as you built and continue to build the life you want and need!

All good things to you girl!

Ashley 💕
"To be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you something else is the greatest accomplishment" ... Ralph Waldo Emerson 🌸

"The individual has always had to struggle from being overwhelmed by the tribe... But, no price is too high for the privilege of owning yourself" ... Rudyard Kipling 🌸

Let go of the things that no longer serve you... Let go of the pretense of the false persona, it is not you... Let go of the armor that you have worn for a lifetime, to serve the expectations of others and, to protect the woman inside... She needs protection no longer.... She is tired of hiding and more courageous than you know... Let her prove that to you....Let her step out of the dark and feel the light upon her face.... amg🌸

Ashley's Corner: https://www.susans.org/index.php/topic,247549.0.html 🌻

kat2

Thankyou to all that posted the most warmest welcome, life should be like a rollercoaster, thats what makes it fun, that is why i say i can look back and smile.
I am best described on forums as Transsexual
My outlook will be very different to most
I came from a time when gender dysphoria was looked upon as a mental health condition.
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    The following users thanked this post: Lilis, MaryT

big kim

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    The following users thanked this post: Lilis, MaryT

kat2

Quote from: Lilis on March 30, 2025, 01:08:11 PMHaha, you get to have two introductions! 😅 (Just kidding!)
hmm...u can go right off some people prods back :)
I am best described on forums as Transsexual
My outlook will be very different to most
I came from a time when gender dysphoria was looked upon as a mental health condition.
  •  
    The following users thanked this post: Lilis, MaryT

Lilis

Quote from: kat2 on March 31, 2025, 05:56:59 AMhmm...u can go right off some people prods back :)
ROFL 🤣

It's great to see you here, Kat welcome, and thanks for joining!
More about me:
Emerging from Darkness  ✨ | GAHT - 6/10/2024. ⚕️ | Electrolysis - 2/23/2025 ⚡| Progesterone - 3/24/2025 ⚕️ | Body laser - 3/26/2025 👙

"I'm still exploring what it means to be me". 💭