How To Tell Your Partner About Your Chosen Name?

Adrian26 · April 14, 2025, 02:44:44 PM

So me and my girlfriend have been dating for about a month now and she knows that I'm trans and she fully accepts that and embraces it. She's a very sweet woman and I love her dearly, but here lately she's been calling me by my dead name a lot more and it's seriously causing me a lot of dysphoria and to just kinda pull away because I feel so uncomfortable and dysphoric. I want to tell her but I don't know how to bring it up without calling her out and making it seem like she's been being rude by dead naming me. Got any advice?

Annaliese · April 14, 2025, 02:57:43 PM

Hi Adrian, I think somtimes its best just to approach the subject head on. I don't mean to do it confrontational, but set her down and let her know how this makes you feel. Maye in public it's also hard for her to do this, but in private maybe she could try to be more receptive and try your preferred name. A compromise to start perhaps.

Adrian26 · April 14, 2025, 03:37:29 PM

I hope to tell her tomorrow, but I'll play it by ear. Hopefully it goes well!

Annaliese · April 14, 2025, 03:42:20 PM

Quote from: Adrian26 on April 14, 2025, 03:37:29 PMI hope to tell her tomorrow, but I'll play it by ear. Hopefully it goes well!

I hope all goes well

Adrian26 · April 14, 2025, 03:53:14 PM

Thanks! I'll update on how it goes!!

Northern Star Girl · April 14, 2025, 03:56:10 PM

Quote from: Adrian26 on April 14, 2025, 03:37:29 PMI hope to tell her tomorrow, but I'll play it by ear. Hopefully it goes well!

@Adrian26
Dear Adrian26:
I am trusting that all goes well when you have a discussion and
make the announcement to your girlfriend.

I will eagerly be looking for and reading your update.
HUGS, Danielle [Northern Star Girl]

Adrian26 · April 15, 2025, 11:55:57 AM

We haven't talked today, so I don't know when I'll be able to tell her.

Lori Dee · April 15, 2025, 12:22:20 PM

Quote from: Adrian26 on April 15, 2025, 11:55:57 AMWe haven't talked today, so I don't know when I'll be able to tell her.

People had a difficult time adjusting to my new name at first. The ones I see often accepted it more quickly. My parents continue to struggle with it, but I try to be patient. Occasionally, I remind them that I went to court and legally changed my name... in 2022.

I agree with you that it can be triggering. Once you have discussed it, be patient and give them time to adjust. Sometimes, a polite correction is needed to reinforce what your chosen name is. If that doesn't seem to be working, just refuse to answer to that name. When someone calls me by my dead name, I do not acknowledge them.

"Oh, I'm sorry. I thought you were speaking to someone else. My name is Lori."

April Marie · April 15, 2025, 01:46:27 PM

I agree honesty and patience are your two best tools. It takes time for others to adjust to a new name and, many times, making the switch is emotional for everyone.

Sending good thoughts your way!!

Adrian26 · April 17, 2025, 02:53:51 PM

Finally told her about it, and it went extremely well. Definitely not how I thought it'd go, but glad we're passed that

Lori Dee · April 17, 2025, 03:03:05 PM

Quote from: Adrian26 on April 17, 2025, 02:53:51 PMFinally told her about it, and it went extremely well. Definitely not how I thought it'd go, but glad we're passed that

That is wonderful! I am so happy for you. That is a huge first step, and having her help you by properly addressing you in front of others just solidifies your name.

Sephirah · April 17, 2025, 03:04:10 PM

People can surprise you. Often something you think is a thing, isn't a thing, and you just need to talk about it. I am happy for you, Adrian. Your GF sounds like a very switched on lady. She has to be to be in love with you.

Adrian26 · April 17, 2025, 03:07:19 PM

Quote from: Lori Dee on April 17, 2025, 03:03:05 PMThat is wonderful! I am so happy for you. That is a huge first step, and having her help you by properly addressing you in front of others just solidifies your name.

Yeah, she's been calling me by my preferred name all day and the euphoria is through the roof!

Annaliese · April 17, 2025, 03:20:40 PM

Great to hear Adrian. I am so happy for you both. I'm sure this will bring you both closer and open up communications even further. 🤗

Lori Dee · April 17, 2025, 03:57:22 PM

Quote from: Adrian26 on April 17, 2025, 03:07:19 PMYeah, she's been calling me by my preferred name all day and the euphoria is through the roof!

Keep reminding her how much it means to you. Not every fifteen minutes.

But often.
It is always good to reinforce good behavior.

Adrian26 · April 17, 2025, 04:12:54 PM

Quote from: Lori Dee on April 17, 2025, 03:57:22 PMKeep reminding her how much it means to you. Not every fifteen minutes. But often.
It is always good to reinforce good behavior.

That's sounds like something if do with my dog or brothers (who also act like dogs) 😂

Lori Dee · April 17, 2025, 04:17:18 PM

Quote from: Adrian26 on April 17, 2025, 04:12:54 PMThat's sounds like something if do with my dog or brothers (who also act like dogs) 😂

It's good to let them know they are doing something right, and most importantly, that you noticed AND appreciate the effort.

Lilis · April 17, 2025, 04:25:26 PM

Quote from: Adrian26 on April 17, 2025, 04:12:54 PMThat's sounds like something if do with my dog or brothers (who also act like dogs) 😂

Haha! Adrian, that comparison cracked me up... poor brothers!

Adrian26 · April 17, 2025, 04:48:32 PM

Quote from: Lori Dee on April 17, 2025, 04:17:18 PMIt's good to let them know they are doing something right, and most importantly, that you noticed AND appreciate the effort.

Huh, hadn't thought of it that way. I'll make sure to do that

Adrian26 · April 17, 2025, 04:49:51 PM

Quote from: Lilis on April 17, 2025, 04:25:26 PMHaha! Adrian, that comparison cracked me up... poor brothers!

If you met em you'd understand. The only way to get their attention is to call them like you'd call a dog! 😂😂

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How To Tell Your Partner About Your Chosen Name?