Genderfluid

[Lilis]

I embrace the limitations of this space and, now that I have learned a few rules of the road, will respect them. Not to get too mushy, but I love all of you. You allowed me to become who I am. And I'm still becoming.

Annika, your words moved me deeply. But in its honesty, acknowledging the yearning we all feel for something more tangible.

It's a longing I know well.

I also want to suggest something that worked for me, from a place of care, as powerful as online spaces can be, sometimes our hearts need the warmth of nearby people, the kind you can hear without speakers, and eyes you can meet without a screen.

If it's possible and safe for you, I hope you'll consider reaching out for local support, maybe an LGBTQ+ center, a meetup group, or even a small circle that shares your love for poetry and or something else.

~ Lilis 💗

[Mrs. Oliphant]

I also want to suggest something that worked for me, from a place of care, as powerful as online spaces can be, sometimes our hearts need the warmth of nearby people, the kind you can hear without speakers, and eyes you can meet without a screen.

Thanks, Lilis. I live on 20 acres of mountain prairie in the middle of nowhere, Montana, with my daughter and her partner (ironically, my daughter moved back from Virginia a few months after I 'came out' claiming she was concerned about my ability to live alone). Big announcement (that only Ashley knows): I have an appointment to begin HRT on June 4th. Another big announcement: the first book in a series I've been crafting for more than five years is scheduled to be published next week (I hope you read it, but I promised Lori and Danielle not to use this space for marketing). Not surprisingly, the entire series is about gender variance. I have lived so much of my life in a space uninhabited by 'real' people. But I have met many 'real' people on this space who have become my friends. My floundering about is not because of 'them' or you. The 'mea culpa' came from my heart. But it wasn't a confession; it was a celebration. I create characters. Now, I want to engage with people. Wish me luck. 

[Lilis]

Big announcement (that only Ashley knows): I have an appointment to begin HRT on June 4th. Another big announcement: the first book in a series I've been crafting for more than five years is scheduled to be published next week (I hope you read it, but I promised Lori and Danielle not to use this space for marketing). Not surprisingly, the entire series is about gender variance.

I started HRT last June as well, congratulations! It's a powerful step forward on your journey.

I'm really looking forward to reading your book. Let me know the title and where I can find it once it's ready. We can connect through DMs so you don't have to worry about violating the TOS.

That's really kind of your children, Annika. It sounds like you're in good hands for now.

~ Lilis 💗

[Mrs. Oliphant]

That's really kind of your children, Annika. It sounds like you're in good hands for now.

They are! In some ways, they're more endearing than my children (they tend to listen to whatever it is I have to say).

[Pema]

I just want to say that this whole thread is wonderful, and it just fills my heart to read what you lovely people have written.


I thank everyone who's contributed to it.

[D'Amalie]

I stopped wondering and struggling with what if and live with what is.  As I've said before, I'll never be Elizabeth Montgomery.  I can't twitch my nose     

I really like days where I feel so womanly and also like days when I forget all about gender identity and live my life.

[Northern Star Girl]

@D'Amalie
Dear D'Amalie:

Very well stated... and I wholeheartedly agree.

HUGS, Danielle [Northern Star Girl]

I stopped wondering and struggling with what if and live with what is.  As I've said before, I'll never be Elizabeth Montgomery.  I can't twitch my nose     

I really like days where I feel so womanly and also like days when I forget all about gender identity and live my life.

[Bobbisocksgrl70]

If I may I'd like to throw in my two cents. In a perfect world of acceptance
We all would pass and those that didn't would not have to fear of a near death beating by some skin head. For those brave souls that are willing to face all that a full time transition requires and can pull it off I say great, go for it. I do not hold on to my male persona because I want to. Make me 5'7" and 150 in my early 20's and knowing what I know now things might be different. When I became aware Phil Donahue used us to boost ratings like we were a freak show. I'm in my 70,s the sands in the hour glass are getting low. As I was talking with my sweetie yesterday I told her no matter what I am wearing I have found my peaceful place in being Bobbi. For most of my life I have been an angry person in my male role. I am at peace now because I am always Bobbi on the inside regardless of what you my see on the outside. Seek peace! Be the soft feminine creature you are do not let your limitations destroy the beautiful butterfly you hold in your heart and soul. Hugs to you all no matter where you are on the transition road. Bobbi

[Bobbisocksgrl70]

Let's face it we all have to be happy between our ears, regardless of anywhere else.

[Lori Dee]

Let's face it we all have to be happy between our ears, regardless of anywhere else.

Well said!

[Lilis]

Let's face it we all have to be happy between our ears, regardless of anywhere else.

Thanks Bobbi!

The idea that we can simply find peace "between our ears" sounds lovely..

but for many gender non-conforming, non-binary, or genderfluid people, it's not so simple, and often not even possible without some degree of external affirmation, safety or professional intervention.


~Lilis 💗

[Bobbisocksgrl70]

Thanks Bobbi!

The idea that we can simply find peace "between our ears" sounds lovely..

but for many gender non-conforming, non-binary, or genderfluid people, it's not so simple, and often not even possible without some degree of external affirmation, safety or professional intervention.


~Lilis 💗

Please don't misunderstand in no way am I saying it is simple or easy it takes work daily. That being said I can choose in my mind to see my self through my male or female persona regardless of how my physically appear. We have all seen gg's in Jeans a "T" and sneakers who is cute as a button. Keep that image in your mind and wear it well. Yes being female is or can be a state of dress but must also be a state of mind. The male persona can be strong where we seek to be soft and gentle. It's the difference between an gorilla and a butterfly. You can have on the prettiest dress but are a gorilla in your mind you'll just be a man in drag we all know females like that. Your mind and outlook is very important to your over all being. Our outlook and thinking go a long way to complete us as female. Hugs all! Bobbi

[Devlyn]

Bobbi, that's a very binary outlook to be posting in the Non-binary subforum. Not everyone is looking to be a "soft" woman. Especially here in NB Town.

Hugs, Devlyn

[Lilis]

Bobbi, that's a very binary outlook to be posting in the Non-binary subforum. Not everyone is looking to be a "soft" woman. Especially here in NB Town.

Hugs, Devlyn

Thanks Devlyn! 💗

It's the difference between an gorilla and a butterfly. You can have on the prettiest dress but are a gorilla in your mind you'll just be a man in drag we all know females like that.

I agree that the mindset and self-perception are powerful tools in affirming our identities.

That said, in a genderfluid context, the experience isn't always about aligning with a static male or female persona, it can be more about movement between, beyond, or outside those binaries altogether.

For some of us, being genderfluid isn't just shifting how we think about ourselves but living in a space where our gender experience doesn't neatly fit into the gorilla/butterfly or man/woman dichotomy.

That's why external understanding, safety, and validation often matter so much, because the world still tends to expect us to "pick a side."

Just wanted to share that perspective from where I'm standing.

Thanks again for contributing to the discussion.

Warmly,

~ Lilis 🫂

[Bobbisocksgrl70]

Please, I am not being judgmental of anyone. The gender movement is like a diamond with many facets. We each need to find out what works for each of us. I move from Bob to Bobbi every day in my manner of dress however mentally I have decided to maintain my mental outlook as Bobbi only. I accept all who have found their own happy place. Life is full of compromises no matter which way we go. My choices are made based on the following criteria, #1 my SO's happiness and acceptance of Bobbi. #2 My achievements and identity as my male self, #3 my inner needs #4 the fact I can never pass(I tried). So I guess in someways I want to have my cake and it too. Hugs all.

[Lori Dee]

Thanks to all who are contributing to this thread.

I am learning so much about what non-binary really means and how it "feels?" So much of what has been said has hit home for me that now I am wondering if that is where I am. I have never felt "male" and hated playing that role. I also do not see myself as "female" despite all of my documents stating that I am. My psychologist described me as "transfeminine," and that seems to be the most accurate. And from what I am learning here from all of you, that would put me in the NB "category".

[ChrissyRyan]

Please, I am not being judgmental of anyone. The gender movement is like a diamond with many facets. We each need to find out what works for each of us. I move from Bob to Bobbi every day in my manner of dress however mentally I have decided to maintain my mental outlook as Bobbi only. I accept all who have found their own happy place. Life is full of compromises no matter which way we go. My choices are made based on the following criteria, #1 my SO's happiness and acceptance of Bobbi. #2 My achievements and identity as my male self, #3 my inner needs #4 the fact I can never pass(I tried). So I guess in someways I want to have my cake and it too. Hugs all.

We each have our specific personal situations.  We each make accommodations, compromises, sacrifices, and engage in making progress towards our own transformation journeys. 

We each try to find the "area under the curve" that maximizes the satisfying of desires and dealing with constraints.


I wish you the best.  Enjoy life.  Show love for others.


Chrissy

[TanyaG]

So much of what has been said has hit home for me that now I am wondering if that is where I am. I have never felt "male" and hated playing that role.

It took me a long while to work out I was non-binary. Despite all the people I've cooperated with digging around in my head it, with all the skills they had and despite the knowledge I have, I still fell foul of the script that my gender must be polar, like everyone else's. But I'm not.

The moment I realised it was the script trapping me I ran into another problem, which was I kept kicking myself for being so dumb not to spot it earlier. I bruise easily

[Devlyn]

Please, I am not being judgmental of anyone. The gender movement is like a diamond with many facets. We each need to find out what works for each of us. I move from Bob to Bobbi every day in my manner of dress however mentally I have decided to maintain my mental outlook as Bobbi only. I accept all who have found their own happy place. Life is full of compromises no matter which way we go. My choices are made based on the following criteria, #1 my SO's happiness and acceptance of Bobbi. #2 My achievements and identity as my male self, #3 my inner needs #4 the fact I can never pass(I tried). So I guess in someways I want to have my cake and it too. Hugs all.

I didn't think you were. Sometimes people accidentally post in areas created for specific subsets of the community. This isn't the right board for "Men do this, women do that." 

That's all I was pointing out. 

Hugs, Devlyn

[Pema]

I don't know whether this is typical for people who've recently realized they're transgender, but I feel like I can only be genderfluid these days. In retrospect, it can easily be said that I always had strong feminine traits, but when the dam broke a few months ago, I began to have full-on feminine stretches that far exceeded anything I'd experienced before. Since then, those have increased in frequency and duration.

The entire process is very fluid at this stage, so I have no way of knowing where (or if) it will end up. Will I always be genderfluid? Will I eventually decide I'm clearly female? Will it be some ratio? Might it be "None of the above?" In the end, I think what matters most is how I'm most comfortable, happiest, best able to function in the larger world - and whether and how I'm able to inhabit that space. The rest may just be semantics.

But I am curious: Do folks who end up deciding they're clearly binary go through a genderfluid phase as they discover their gender identity?