I understand why someone might consider detransitioning. Given the worsening political climate, no shame on them if they do. I totally understand.
But I cannot ever go back. Pretending to be someone I was not for all those years was just so harmful to me. I can't go back there. While I had never been suicidal, one of the things that prompted me to get off my butt and transition was the realization that I could not guarantee that that would always be the case. That's as dark as my thought process has ever been, and it may sound tame to some. But I cannot ever risk finding out.
I am 70 now. I hope I never have to live in an old folks home. But if I do, I want to do so as me, the person I am today. I shudder in horror at the thought of having to be in a home as the guy I pretended to be for so long. I won't do it. If they send me off to the gulag for disobeying a bathroom restriction, so be it, but I will go as Kathy.