Hi Adrian,
Coming out to strict Christian families requires careful preparation, and I want to echo what others have said about preparing for the worst while hoping for the best. This isn't pessimism - it's practical planning that can actually improve your outcomes.
Before you have the conversation:
- Ensure you have emotional and practical support systems in place - friends, chosen family, or community members who will be there regardless of your family's reaction
- If you're financially dependent on your family, consider whether you have backup housing or support options
- Have resources ready to share if they're willing to learn - but don't expect them to be receptive immediately
- Prepare yourself mentally for a range of reactions, from surprising acceptance to temporary or permanent rejection
During the conversationAs Lori mentioned, emphasize that you're sharing this because you trust them and want honesty in your relationship. Many religious families struggle with feeling they "failed" somehow, so addressing that directly can help. You might say something like "This isn't something you caused or could have prevented - it's simply who I am, and I'm telling you because I value our relationship and want to be truthful with you."
Managing expectationsEven families who eventually come around often need significant time to process. Their initial reaction may not reflect how they'll feel months or years later. Some families cycle through denial, anger, bargaining, and grief before reaching acceptance - and that's normal, even if it's painful to experience.
If things go poorlyRemember that their reaction reflects their limitations, not your worth. Some families unfortunately choose ideology over their children, and while that's devastating, it doesn't mean you made the wrong choice in being authentic.
Your safety and well-being matter. Sometimes the healthiest boundary is distance, even from family.
Take care of yourself through this process, Adrian. You deserve to live authentically, regardless of others' reactions.
Hoping for the best
— Susan