How To Deal With Grief As A Guy

[Adrian26]

Even if you're not sure about grief counselors nearby, or someone to talk to.

There are still options that don't require big steps, like texting a support line or joining an online support group or online therapy.

From my experience, grief can linger for years, sometimes even a lifetime.

I'm truly sorry you're going through something this painful.

But sometimes, just being heard, even by a stranger, can make the weight feel a little less crushing.

With care,


~ Lilis 💗

Yeah, but I'm only 18, still got a whole lot of life left.

[Lilis]

Yeah, but I'm only 18, still got a whole lot of life left.

I know, and I wish I could more.

But what you just experienced is traumatic and might require professional intervention. 

I pray that you can heal from it.

That's all I got.

~ Lilis 💗

[Adrian26]

I know, and I wish I could more.

But what you just experienced is traumatic and might require professional intervention. 

I pray that you can heal from it.

That's all I got.

~ Lilis 💗

It's more than enough that you just talked to me about this. I know I'm gonna hurt, but for now I'm just trying to fully understand that this is my reality.

[Annaliese]

Yeah, but I'm only 18, still got a whole lot of life left.

Don't forget that you might want to consider some sort of counseling for your daughter.  You WILL get through this this. Time is the best healer. Check the internet for some online support groups.  🤗 Annaliese

[TanyaG]

I don't know if there's any grief counselors around here. And it's difficult to talk about what I feel when I don't even know what I feel. I've never really told anyone what I feel. It just doesn't happen in my house so it's difficult to put it into words

Okay, then maybe it's time to think about why people in your house (or family) don't tell each other what they feel? It's neutral enough ground you should be able to unlock it and if you can do that, then you'll be able to access the emotions you can't get to right now.

For instance, I grew up in a household where my father couldn't let out any emotions other than happiness or anger, with no inbetweens. That was confusing! What was your family like in that respect?

[TanyaG]

Yeah, but I'm only 18, still got a whole lot of life left.

Then there's no time better to start on living it than now. Don't do what some of us did! That's why we're rooting for you, I guess.

[Adrian26]

Don't forget that you might want to consider some sort of counseling for your daughter.  You WILL get through this this. Time is the best healer. Check the internet for some online support groups.  🤗 Annaliese

I'll look into grief counselors for children in the area.

[Adrian26]

Okay, then maybe it's time to think about why people in your house (or family) don't tell each other what they feel? It's neutral enough ground you should be able to unlock it and if you can do that, then you'll be able to access the emotions you can't get to right now.

For instance, I grew up in a household where my father couldn't let out any emotions other than happiness or anger, with no inbetweens. That was confusing! What was your family like in that respect?

We're the typical Mexican family, hardworking, but never emotional. The most emotional we get is during a death in the family. They didn't really know my girlfriend and those who really knew about us were absolutely against it because they see me, a AFAB, and her, a woman. So they're not help.

[Adrian26]

Then there's no time better to start on living it than now. Don't do what some of us did! That's why we're rooting for you, I guess.

That kinda makes sense.

[TanyaG]

We're the typical Mexican family, hardworking, but never emotional.

Okay, so your family do allow emotions when they are grieving, but didn't allow emotions in the case of your partner, because she was a woman? Yet your father will have had emotions about your mother, who is also a woman? Leave everything else out of the equation, do I have that right?

[Adrian26]

Okay, so your family do allow emotions when they are grieving, but didn't allow emotions in the case of your partner, because she was a woman? Yet your father will have had emotions about your mother, who is also a woman? Leave everything else out of the equation, do I have that right?

Yeah, you hit the nail on the head

[TanyaG]

Yeah, you hit the nail on the head

Then maybe ask yourself, 'If my father has emotions for my mother, then surely it's perfectly fine for me to have emotions about my partner? Who is he (and anyone else in the family) to deny me emotions they allow themselves?'

[Adrian26]

Then maybe ask yourself, 'If my father has emotions for my mother, then surely it's perfectly fine for me to have emotions about my partner? Who is he (and anyone else in the family) to deny me emotions they allow themselves?'

They don't think like that. They think that its absolutely wrong for me to love a woman while being in a woman body

[TanyaG]

They don't think like that. They think that its absolutely wrong for me to love a woman while being in a woman body

Let's reframe the question again. Do you agree that you should have to think the way they think? In other words, do you agree it's okay for what they think to stop you having emotions? I can see the exit from here and we can get to it, I hope, just a few steps.

[Adrian26]

Let's reframe the question again. Do you agree that you should have to think the way they think? In other words, do you agree it's okay for what they think to stop you having emotions? I can see the exit from here and we can get to it, I hope, just a few steps.

You're right. I shouldn't let what they think keep me from experiencing my own emotions

[TanyaG]

You're right. I shouldn't let what they think keep me from experiencing my own emotions

Yaaaay! That's the biggest step any of us take, allowing ourselves not to be what others try to make us.

[Adrian26]

Yaaaay! That's the biggest step any of us take, allowing ourselves not to be what others try to make us.

Well that's kinda why I'm here in the first place.

[TanyaG]

Well that's kinda why I'm here in the first place.

It's why most of us are here, Adrian. None of us should be locking up our emotions because of our family's rules. If we do that, then we'll we'll never escape their influence, never love, never enjoy being who we are. Your family have declared that they can grieve, but you can't, which is totally unfair. Is that how it seems to you?

[Adrian26]

It's why most of us are here, Adrian. None of us should be locking up our emotions because of our family's rules. If we do that, then we'll we'll never escape their influence, never love, never enjoy being who we are. Your family have declared that they can grieve, but you can't, which is totally unfair. Is that how it seems to you?

If I'm being honest, I've never really dwelled on it. Like I know all of this is absolutely f'ed up but it's been this way so long that I don't even question it anymore. To me that's just how it goes in our family.

[TanyaG]

Like I know all of this is absolutely f'ed up but it's been this way so long that I don't even question it anymore. To me that's just how it goes in our family.

Then if you want out and to 'un-f' it, perhaps it's time to question it, accept it's not how it goes and take control of your destiny?