How fast should you transition?

[ChrissyRyan]

I have been going at this slowly, it has been a long time.
Just go at the pace that seems good for YOU.

Chrissy

[Gina P]

For me, and I know I'm not like most, coming to terms with wanting to transition was a long process. Once I made the decision, it couldn't happen fast enough! Starting at 60 also was a huge factor in wanting to move fast.

[Paige]

I guess I've been transitioning since 2016 when I started low dose E.  I've put off full transitioning because of my daughters and wife.  Both daughters are married now and happily living with their husbands.  My wife has never been a fan of my gender.  She's not accepting, we're basically housemates these days.  If I fully transition we will go our separate ways. 

Looking back I think it's a little like pulling a band-aid off fast or slow.  I probably should have endured the quick pain and just went for it. 

I feel I'm in a purgatory, the low dose eventually makes changes. At times I feel so close and other times I feel a million miles away from where I want to be.

Sarah I don't think I'm qualified to say "how fast" but if you want an example of a 62 year old living with a lot of regret, that would be me.
Cheers,
Paige 

[Oldandcreaky]

I used to think a lot about these lines from "Landslide":

"Time makes you bolder
Even children get older
And I'm growing older too."

[kat2]

Re: How fast should you transition?For me not at all, it was more having a break down and coming to terms with what was in front of me

[ChrissyRyan]

This is an individual's personal decision.

There is no set timetable for doing it that is good for everyone.

[Anne_lifetrip]

Hi,
I will agree that depends on every person because as far as I have found out, feminity is understood differently for every one of us.

In my case, it is taking me my time. Following on the list provided by Danielle:
For the MTF:
*longer hair in female styles.... braids, ponytails, buns, etc. - Done and part of my life and very happy. Now moving to longer hair under shoulders and reaching my chest
*fingernails and toenails polished - toenails done every other month and very happy with it. Fingernails every now and then.
*hair removal as needed and where needed. - Oh yes...getting rid of it. Only left from neck upwards and really satisfying.
*jewelry, necklaces, rings, bracelets, earrings, wrist watches, etc. - Not so much.
*tasteful and "not over the top" makeup, lipstick, etc. - Not so much
*female gendered clothing and colors.... which can include androgynous clothing. - Sometimes, more neutral.
*female oriented footwear - Not doing it
*dieting and exercising to allow wearing tighter form fitting clothing. _ Yep and loving it.
*walking, moving, eating and talking in female ways. - Trying my best and learning by the day. I sometimes laugh at myself when doing the catwalk.
*voice training if needed. - On my bucket list, but too many tips and tricks and tutorials and too little time. Looking for the moment to go to a professional to get proper training...but not in a huryy.

So, as you can see, in my case I am going at my own pace, changing those areas that make me feel happy.
I will also add that I am researching different doctors to have the studies done to go under different surgeries (adams apple, FFS for the moment), but first I need to know if the prices, the timeframes and the time to be in hospital, so I can plan.

But I am not putting any pressure on my transition, I am moving forward as I feel comfortable, which would be my advice. Go at your own pace and checking your own "happy milestones".

Love.
Anne

[Lori Dee]

But I am not putting any pressure on my transition, I am moving forward as I feel comfortable, which would be my advice. Go at your own pace and checking your own "happy milestones".

That is very good advice. I also found that some of the things that didn't interest me at first later became important as I accomplished other things. Clothing styles were less important as most of my time was spent mining, which is rough on feminine clothing. As my body changed with the hormones, women's clothing became more important for proper fit and comfort... which led me to try new colors and styles... which led me to trying new wigs (colors and styles).

But, as you stated, I did not rush into anything. I just made adjustments as I felt they were necessary (or fun!). 

[Alana Ashleigh]

When I first started experimenting with expressing my feminine side, I went very slowly... scented lotion, foundation, clear lipgloss, clear mascara. I got a bit braver the more I pushed my comfort zone. I went to get a pedicure every month with nail polish a few years ago. I started waxing my legs last summer, and added a navel piercing, too. I found what type of makeup I like: BB cream, nude lippy, mascara, and eyebrow gel. I've been growing out my hair since December, and I just started HRT. It took me a year of therapy to be comfortable enough to make that decision. I'm going slowly and deliberately. I've tried to let things happen naturally, and not force it.

[Gina P]

For me, and I'm probably not your typical trans girl. After a lifetime of being in the closet, it could not happen fast enough. Granted being 60 at the time had a lot to do with not wanting to delay.  Many thing were uncomfortable but I was determined that if I was going to do this I had to get used to it. 

[Allie Jayne]

I resisted transition for 65 years until there was no longer any choice, but I hadn't realised that yet! When my doctor advised that I needed to transition to regain my health, I told my wife honestly that I would proceed as slowly as I could, just enough to reduce dysphoria. She laughed and told me once I started I couldn't stop!

I actually contained it quite well for the first 9 months, but when my employers inclusion team asked me to nominate when I would need time off to recover from surgery, something took over me. I had no idea what would be involved so I quickly did some online research and then rang a surgeon's office to get information. As soon as they started talking I was possessed by a suppressed entity, and 30 minutes later I had a consult booked. After the call I wondered how this had happened!

From then I just automatically ticked off all the requirements and I was waking from surgery. I had known what I desperately needed all my life, but I had fooled myself that I was in control. As soon as the opportunity presented itself, I lost control, and had to organise surgery as fast as I could. After my surgical recovery, I returned to my previous mode of thinking, and, realising my dysphoria was negligible now, I not only thought of slowing things up again, but even contemplated returning to my former presentation to try save my marriage.

We need to do things that we need to do. Transition is a radical life change for most of us, not something you would even wildly consider if we didn't have an equally radical need. The pace will be determined by many factor internally and externally, based on our needs.

Hugs,

Allie

[Lori Dee]

We need to do things that we need to do. Transition is a radical life change for most of us, not something you would even wildly consider if we didn't have an equally radical need.

THIS ^^^

[Sarah B]

Hi Everyone

In my experience, changing my life around never felt extreme or reckless to me.  I recognise the literal meaning of the word "radical," yet at the time I never thought of what I was doing as radical; even the word itself never entered my mind.

I am well aware this view makes me the "fly in the ointment" or, if you prefer, "a spanner in the works" whenever people insist that every such life change must be radical.

I never transitioned.  When I changed my life around the word was not in common use so the shift felt like an ordinary step not a radical act.

We need to do things that we need to do. Transition is a radical life change for most of us, not something you would even wildly consider if we didn't have an equally radical need.

I understand that for many people changing their life around can feel like a genuinely radical leap, yet for me it never carried that weight.

I must disagree with your statement.  For me changing my life around was guided by three practical points rather than an urgent sense of upheaval:

• My uncle's advice to "go and live as a female".
• Two Christmas holidays when I spent time as Sarah before I changed my life around. (I just could not get enough of being Sarah).
• A simple wish to live as a female though I had no idea then it would be for the rest of my life.

From the outside looking in people often decide my life shift was radical.  In retrospect I see why it appears that way yet when it happened I merely altered my clothing, put on some makeup, did my hair and returned to work exactly as though I had always done so.  To me nothing felt disrupted.  It was meant to be and therefore not radical per se.

So while I understand how observers judge the process I maintain that my own path of changing my life around was steady measured and never fuelled by a sense of radical necessity.

Best Wishes Always
Sarah B
Global Moderator

[Allie Jayne]

Hi Everyone

In my experience, changing my life around never felt extreme or reckless to me.  I recognise the literal meaning of the word "radical," yet at the time I never thought of what I was doing as radical; even the word itself never entered my mind.

I am well aware this view makes me the "fly in the ointment" or, if you prefer, "a spanner in the works" whenever people insist that every such life change must be radical.

I never transitioned.  When I changed my life around the word was not in common use so the shift felt like an ordinary step not a radical act.

I must disagree with that statement.  For me changing my life around was guided by three practical points rather than an urgent sense of upheaval:

• My uncle's advice to "go and live as a female".
• Two Christmas holidays when I spent time as Sarah before I changed my life around. (I just could not get enough of being Sarah).
• A simple wish to live as a female though I had no idea then it would be for the rest of my life.

From the outside looking in people often decide my life shift was radical.  In retrospect I see why it appears that way yet when it happened I merely altered my clothing, put on some makeup, did my hair and returned to work exactly as though I had always done so.  To me nothing felt disrupted.  It was meant to be and therefore not radical per se.

So while I understand how observers judge the process I maintain that my own path of changing my life around was steady measured and never fuelled by a sense of radical necessity.

Best Wishes Always
Sarah B
Global Moderator

I did say,"for most of us", recognising that for a few, it was not a big deal. There is also the effect on others to consider, as even if we can slip into our new life easily, it can significantly change the relationships of those around us, and for many this can be a radical change with exclusion from family, friends and even workplaces.

Personally, I didn't have to change much to transition, but the loss of my marriage and job radically changed my life. The stress affected my health, so my life now is so different to my life pre transition. Again, this isn't the case for everyone, but transition is a big deal for most.

Hugs,

Allie

[Sarah B]

Hi Allie

Yes you are right you did say "most of us" and I forget to clarify that in my post (which I have done to a certain extent) It's not perfect.

I should have said it was for me only.  For that I'm sorry.

Hugs
Sarah B
@Allie Jayne

[Lori Dee]

I think both Sarah and Allie are saying the same thing, just from different viewpoints. From the inside, I have not changed. I am still the same person I always have been. But to outside observers who have seen me and know me before and after transition, what they see is very different. They admit that I seem like the exact same person, but I am just living my life differently.