Thank you all for the birthday wishes. It was quiet, which is exactly right for me right now.
Some updates. My ex called and asked if she could come home before my birthday. Sounds good, but it was just as much a realization that the grass really isn't greener situation as anything else. I told her she could. Nothing has really changed between us other than a recognition from us both that we have to approach each other differently if there is gonna be any future. I have drastically stepped back my affirming regimen. The elephant is still in the room with us, but personally, I am gonna wait til I decide if this is still who I want in my day to day life before I start opening myself back up to the hatred and disgust she displayed before leaving. I 100% see that she probably is masking because one doesn't just change that feeling that quickly or easily unfortunately. So, in 90 days of things are still as smooth as they are right now the subject will be brought back up. I have waited more than a half a century, another few months should be nothing. Of course my therapist is not as optimistic as I am. Not sure how to feel about that. For those who might've read my previous blog, I know she is probably right and have already accepted it to a very large degree.
On an even more personal note, and directly resulting from the previous update, dysphoria is a B. It had become background noise, still irritating but easier to put to the back of my mind. Now it is centered right between my eyes. But it is only temporary.
Well I hope everyone in the US has a wonderful Labor Day, and all my brother and sisters around the world have a great weekend.
Love and hugs
Allison