Changing relationship desires?

[Carolina]

  As a mature, closeted crossdresser I have always considered the feminine part of me to be a lesbian, drawn to "lesbian porn". But as many years have passed (and perhaps as the feminine part of me strengthened in her identity?) I found myself becoming more interested in "straight porn", identifying with the female.

  And one day I thought "Women do certain sexual acts, perhaps you should at least try and find out if they work for you". I thought about that for a long time, uncertain of whether I really wanted to try, and if so, how to meet someone to try it with?

  Then I chanced to casually meet "the possible guy". He was mature, interesting, gay and cute and I obsessed about how to meet him and what to do then for several hours.  I did, that is, until a mature, interesting, cute woman smiled at me and flirted a little bit.  And my thoughts about the guy were suddenly gone.

  So my lesbian identity remains although I still sometimes think "maybe I should at least try" (and then laugh a little bit at what a mess I am).


  Does this "unexpected sexual desire uncertainty" sound familiar to any of you?  It certainly took me places that I did not expect to go.

  Love, Carolina 
     
 
   
 

       

[ChrissyRyan]

Carolina,

Well, no.  When I notice at the few times when a guy is prolonging his glance at me, and he is not being creepy, in a way I like that.  I figure, hey I might be physically attractive.  I do not think of dating a guy, doing sexual things with a guy, or having a guy do sexual things with me.  It is not me. 

However maybe many can go with people of either sex or have desires that fluctuate depending on this or that.  I am simply speaking of me.

I have pleased my sweetie, who is a CIS female, with sexual activities a woman can enjoy with a man, despite me being a preOp woman.  Although woman can wear strapons to please with penetration but I suppose "the real thing" is potentially better or at least can be desired. 

So what happens in this sexual regard is what is right, safe, desired, legal, and pleasing to both involved.  I cannot imagine more than two people having sexual activities at the same time together but apparently that is not rare but not the usual.

Have fun, be careful and safe.  There are plenty of weirdos out there, although many nice people too.

Chrissy

[prudence]

.. He was mature, interesting, gay and cute and I obsessed about how to meet him and what to do then for several hours.  I did, that is, until a mature, interesting, cute woman smiled at me and flirted a little bit.  And my thoughts about the guy were suddenly gone.

  So my lesbian identity remains although I still sometimes think "maybe I should at least try" (and then laugh a little bit at what a mess I am). 

Try again with a guy who is not gay. Speaking for myself, I'm not into gay guys.

[Lilis]

Does this "unexpected sexual desire uncertainty" sound familiar to any of you?

Yes, while I didn't experience a sudden or unexpected change in my sexual orientation, I gradually came to terms with my sexuality over the years. This understanding developed as I engaged in relationships that challenged societal norms, beginning in my high school years.

[Sarah B]

Hello Prudence

My name is Sarah B and I would like to formally, Welcome you to Susan's Place!

I noticed you initially registered in 2017 with Susan's and the last 4 years or so Susan's had a crash and threads and posts were lost.

I do not know if you posted during those years.  However, your first posting is still there and it was a very interesting to read.

It would be nice to know what has happened to you since then.

Once you feel comfortable here, it would be appreciated if you add a little bit more about yourself in the Introductions Forum, of course.  I would appreciate it very much as, I'm always interested in learning something new about new members

In addition members of Susan's will more than likely will discuss problems or issues that are similar to yours as most have experienced these as well.

Please review the links at the end of this message, especially the red links, they include information which will help you navigate the site and use the available features.  When you reach 15 posts, you will be able to send and reply to private messages and you will also be able to add an avatar to your profile, until then if you have any questions about the Susan's Place site and the Forums, please feel free to contact, the Forum Admin Danielle Northern Star Girl alaskandanielle@yahoo.com

Take care and all the best for the future.

Once again, Welcome to Susan's Place!

Best Wishes Always
Sarah B
Global Moderator
@LoriDee
@Northern Star Girl
@prudence

Things that you should read

Site Terms of Service & Rules to Live By	Standard Terms & Definitions	Post Ranks (including when you can upload an avatar)
News posting & quoting guidelines	Photo, avatars, & signature images	Site Policies and stuff to remember
Cautionary Note	Membership Agreement

[TanyaG]

One way of looking at this is to avoid labelling your sexuality at all - it is only by convention that we label ourselves as straight, mostly straight, mixed sex attracted, mostly gay and gay (or whatever sexual attraction categories you like.)

But there isn't any need to use labels at all. Giving yourself permission not to use one can be extraordinarily empowering, because it allows you to see your own desires without the distorting lens society applies to sexual desire. It can also reduce anxiety because many of us stress out over conformning to a particular label when all the label is doing is setting needless and artificial boundaries on who we are.

My brother went through a crisis over enjoying watching gay porn and when he told me, I was, 'Well, what's the problem?' He replied, 'But I'm straight!' to which my answer was, 'All thinking of yourself as being straight is doing here is stopping you enjoying gay porn, right? It isn't serving any other useful purpose.'

In practice, my bro is 'mostly straight' but it has taken a while for him to come around to it. All his life so far has been spent conforming to straight roles and scripts and it can take a while to work through that stuff.

There is no reason whey our desires can't change and none at all why they shouldn't change. While some people truly do have fluid sexual preferences that drift over time, quite a few of us are less straight than we believe ourselves to be. Why? Because we have learned to behave straight as we grow up. For around two thirds of us, maybe more, that is appropriate, but there is a substantial slice of people where it isn't appropriate, which is where the stress comes in. If you take it for granted that you are straight, but discover you aren't, then it can be challenging to rewire your thinking, together with all the social rules and behaviour that 'straightness' implies. If that is a source of conflict for you, then you will probably find it worthwhile thinking about whether to label yourself at all.

[Suzih711]

Is it common to be a "Sraight" MtF Crossdresser and when dressed Female, feel attracted to men and be flattered by compliments.  And for Them to have a relationship as "Boyfriend/Girlfriend.

[Sarah B]

Hello Suzih

My name is Sarah and I would like to formally, Welcome you to Susan's Place!

Thank you for sharing your thoughts.  It's a good question and one that many others have asked too, so you are definitely not alone.

Yes, it is quite common for male to female cross dressers who consider themselves straight to feel attracted to men when presenting as female.  Gender expression can sometimes influence emotional or romantic responses, including the enjoyment of compliments or feeling flattered by male attention.

For some, this attraction is only present when dressed and feeling feminine.  For others, it may reveal a deeper layer of their orientation or identity.  Yes, some do enter into boyfriend or girlfriend style relationships while dressed as female.

At the end of the day, there is no one size, that fits all answers.  What you are feeling is valid, and it's okay to explore those feelings without needing to label everything right away.

We're glad you're here. Take your time and feel free to ask or share more whenever you're ready.Once you feel comfortable here, it would be appreciated if you add a little bit more about yourself in the Introductions Forum, of course.  I would appreciate it very much as, I'm always interested in learning something new about new members

In addition members of Susan's will more than likely will discuss problems or issues that are similar to yours as most have experienced these as well.

Please keep in mind when posting that this is an ALL AGES PUBLIC Forum and the internet never forgets.  Do not post anything that you do not want to be made public.

Please review the links at the end of this message, especially the red links, they include information which will help you navigate the site and use the available features.  When you reach 15 posts, you will be able to send and reply to private messages and you will also be able to add an avatar to your profile, until then if you have any questions about the Susan's Place site and the Forums, please feel free to contact, the Forum Admin Danielle Northern Star Girl alaskandanielle@yahoo.com

Take care and all the best for the future.

Once again, Welcome to Susan's Place!

Best Wishes Always
Sarah B
Global Moderator
@Devlyn  @Jessica_Rose  @Mariah  @Northern Star Girl  @Lori Dee
@Suzih711

Things that you should read

Site Terms of Service & Rules to Live By	Standard Terms & Definitions	Post Ranks (including when you can upload an avatar)
News posting & quoting guidelines	Photo, avatars, & signature images	Site Policies and stuff to remember
Cautionary Note	Membership Agreement

[Mrs. Oliphant]

And for Them to have a relationship as "Boyfriend/Girlfriend.

Welcome, Suzih! And thanks for picking up a thread that predates my arrival at Susan's. As always, Sarah said all the things I wish I knew enough to say. I present 'male' (even now most of the time and throughout my entire life and I have been alive a long time) though my core is female. Assuming the 'male' part as a given, I am so straight a ruler would appear bent if placed beside my biography. But I have fallen in love with anatomical males who identify as female. So, for me, it really is about that part of us that is so far beneath our skin only our spirit knows it even exists. My advice (which is worth exactly as much as it cost): enjoy.

[TanyaG]

Is it common to be a "Sraight" MtF Crossdresser and when dressed Female, feel attracted to men and be flattered by compliments.  And for Them to have a relationship as "Boyfriend/Girlfriend.

Most people have no reason to question their sexual orientation until they find themselves in a situation where key reinforcers are missing. So it isn't unusual for people to find that when they are no longer thinking of themselves in a masculine frame for them to discover they're not so straight as they thought they were.

So for example, we had someone here recently who posed more or less the same question who was from India, and from a culture which prizes masculinity and normativity. They were in a relationship, but had found they were sexually attracted to men, the key which unlocked the discovery being cross-dressing. I've worked with enough people who've had similar revelations to realise it isn't particularly unusual and may be a lot more common than we tend to believe.

I can't bring myself to believe it is anything to do with cross-dressing, or being trans, instead it's more likely the explanation is that people with looser boundaries for gender expression are potentially more likely to question other aspects of their character. People who are assigned male at birth and brought up gendered masculine are heavily 'gender policed' (as in made to conform to masculinity) and when that policing is disrupted, it no surprise it can unearth some things people had previously never considered about themselves.

Does that make sense?

[Alana Ashleigh]

I haven't experienced any changes to my sexuality. I've always been attracted to women. However, after I accepted that I was transgender, the way looked at women changed. The attraction became a very softer, and gentler attraction.