How quickly should I get my name changed?

[MaleToFujoshi]

I'm a trans fem, 25, still living with my family in the US. I've been transitioning for 10+ months now and I'm strongly considering getting my name changed but I'm seriously worried about the potential legal consequences and facing housing and job discrimination.

My main issue is this: My parents are both transphobic and in the event they ever discover I'm trans there is a very real chance I will be immediately disowned and thrown out of the house. Thankfully I have a nest egg and a support system ready for such an event but I'd much prefer to keep living at home until I graduate with my degree next year - I want to save up for FFS by avoiding the cost of rent, until I can get a degree that will let me get higher-paying jobs.

As of right now, these are the big questions weighing on me:

• If I change my name, how can I keep it hidden from my parents? I already plan to get a PO box to reroute my mail away from home. I don't have any loans, no co-owned bank accounts and I pay for my own car insurance, but my phone plan and medical insurance are still handled by them. What other documentation should I have to worry about them discovering?
• I currently don't pass, either physically or vocally, nor do I present as female (due to not passing). While I live in a reasonably progressive area and I'm close to a progressive city, I'm wondering if changing my name is too dangerous?
• I'm worried about not being able to change my name with the credit unions. If my parents discover me and throw me out, I'm worried about facing housing/job discrimination due to my mismatched credentials that leaves me homeless. Is this a realistic concern? How can I deal with it?
• I would ordinarily hold off on changing my name until I pass better but with the current political climate, I'm worried name change resources will eventually be taken away by the Trump administration and I want to act fast before it's too late. Is this a reasonable fear?

I'd also like to hear your personal opinions! Is there anything danger inherent in changing my name I should be aware of?

[KathyLauren]

Hi!  Welcome.

If you were living in a country where it is safe to be trans, I would recommend changing your name shortly after you come out publicly. 

But, while there are some parts of your country where there is still some degree of safety, it is not generally a safe place for trans people.  You will have to assess the danger yourself, based on conditions and trends where you are, and bearing in mind that federal legislation and policies will affect everyone. 

Part of considering your safety is your living situation with your unsupportive parents.  I would definitely suggest waiting until you can live independently before committing to official changes.

I think you are asking the right questions.  Hopefully someone in your own country can provide feedback.

[MaleToFujoshi]

Hi!  Welcome.

If you were living in a country where it is safe to be trans, I would recommend changing your name shortly after you come out publicly. 

But, while there are some parts of your country where there is still some degree of safety, it is not generally a safe place for trans people.  You will have to assess the danger yourself, based on conditions and trends where you are, and bearing in mind that federal legislation and policies will affect everyone. 

Part of considering your safety is your living situation with your unsupportive parents.  I would definitely suggest waiting until you can live independently before committing to official changes.

I think you are asking the right questions.  Hopefully someone in your own country can provide feedback.

Realistically I have the funds to live independently, at least for a while. Staying with my parents is less a matter of absolute necessity and more of a major convenience I'm reluctant to part with but I'm starting to consider taking a leap of faith anyway for the simple reason I believe I may be on a time limit to get my name changed.

[Pema]

Hello and welcome to Susan's Place.

I live in the US, though I'm quite a bit older than you are (61) and live in one of the "safest" places for in the country for trans people (a concept that is changing by the day).

My first thought is that I think it could be difficult to hide your name change from your parents, especially with for your medical insurance being covered by them. I'm no expert, but I'd think your legal name would need to be on the insurance policy and therefore on the premium notice that they'd receive every month. So, logistically, I'm not sure it's feasible.

The other issue I see is ethical. It sounds like you feel like you could support yourself for another year if you had to, but you'd rather not. And you could wait until you graduate to change your name, but you'd rather do it sooner - in case it's not possible a year from now. Can you honestly say that you feel comfortable with this combination?

I'm skeptical that it will be impossible to change your name a year from now. People get married and change their names, and I can't see them eliminating that option. Even if they did somehow, Trump and the current congress won't be in power forever. They're temporary. The next administration would almost certainly reverse it.

I will likely change my name in the near future, but I'm not 100% certain what I'd change it to (especially a middle name), and I'm known for being slow and deliberate. So I probably won't do anything until next year at the soonest.

[Sarah B]

Hello Fujoshi

My name is Sarah and I would like to formally, Welcome you to Susan's Place!

I have read your post with care and I want to tackle the concerns you have raised while building in practical steps that will help you to keep you safe and set you up for success. I will reply to each paragraph or question in turn.  I'm an Australian so my knowledge about the American processes or systems may not be totally correct.

I'm a trans fem, 25, still living with my family in the US.  I've been transitioning for 10+ months now and I'm strongly considering getting my name changed but I'm seriously worried about the potential legal consequences and facing housing and job discrimination.

Opening a private post office box gives you a secure mailing address so court notices bank cards and updated identification never reach the family mailbox.  I have always had a post office box for security and privacy and I have maintained that behaviour even when I changed my life around and it kept everything tidy.  Changing your name and documents as early as possible builds a clean history or record for you and reduces potential problems later.

My main issue is this: My parents are both transphobic and in the event they ever discover I'm trans there is a very real chance I will be immediately disowned and thrown out of the house.  Thankfully I have a nest egg and a support system ready for such an event but I'd much prefer to keep living at home until I graduate with my degree next year - I want to save up for FFS by avoiding the cost of rent, until I can get a degree that will let me get higher-paying jobs.

Guarding your housing while you finish school is sensible.  When I changed my life around I had a certificate in Civil Engineering and it provided the foundation for me to achieve my dreams.  It must be noted that I have always kept silent about my past and my family eventually found out and they accept me unconditionally.  Completing your degree will open doors to higher pay and give you the income you need for surgery.

"As of right now, these are the big questions weighing on me:"

Every question is valid.  Careful planning now will lower each risk you listed.

"If I change my name, how can I keep it hidden from my parents? I already plan to get a PO box to reroute my mail away from home.  I don't have any loans, no co-owned bank accounts and I pay for my own car insurance, but my phone plan and medical insurance are still handled by them.  What other documentation should I have to worry about them discovering?"

Rent the PO box first then forward bank statements insurance letters and court notices to that address.  Port your mobile number to a prepaid plan in your own name.  To avoid surprises get an insurance plan that meets your needs.  Obtain copies of your original birth certificate passport and other important documents and ensure nothing sensitive is kept at home.

"I currently don't pass, either physically or vocally, nor do I present as female (due to not passing).  While I live in a reasonably progressive area and I'm close to a progressive city, I'm wondering if changing my name is too dangerous?"

A name change alone seldom draws attention because few people search court records.  When I changed my name I presented as a female straight away and nobody challenged or suspected me about my past.  You might pick a gentle feminisation of your current name or a gender neutral variant if that feels safer.

While you are still at home you can let your hair grow long; start laser or electrolysis on facial hair because results build over time; practise voice resonance exercises in the car or on walks where no one overhears and there are plenty of voice tutorials on the internet or YouTube.  If possible find a therapist who works with informed consent so you can begin HRT but remember that this path depends on getting your own insurance while you are still at home.  It may be possible to hold an insurance plan in your female name which can simplify the process.

"I'm worried about not being able to change my name with the credit unions.  If my parents discover me and throw me out, I'm worried about facing housing/job discrimination due to my mismatched credentials that leaves me homeless.  Is this a realistic concern? How can I deal with it?"

Credit unions follow the same federal rules as banks.  Bring your signed court order plus updated Social Security card and driver licence and they will switch the account name while leaving the number unchanged.  Once those three documents match your new name most employers landlords and background check services will never see the old one.  Keep a certified copy of the court order in a safe place for any stubborn record holders but expect few obstacles.

"I would ordinarily hold off on changing my name until I pass better but with the current political climate, I'm worried name change resources will eventually be taken away by the Trump administration and I want to act fast before it's too late.  Is this a reasonable fear?"

Name changes are managed by state civil courts and cannot be cancelled by a federal administration.  Filing fees might rise or background checks might lengthen yet the process itself is not at risk.  If filing now gives you peace of mind go ahead.  Waiting until after you move is also fine provided you set a firm timeline so mismatched paperwork does not linger.

"I'd also like to hear your personal opinions! Is there anything danger inherent in changing my name I should be aware of?"

I first changed my name legally after I moved away from home and the major documents that were changed immediately were drivers licence, health care and tax.  Other documents like education transcripts occurred over time within about a year if I remember correctly.  The only potential hazard is that some counties post filings online.  Ask the clerk if you can seal the record for personal safety reasons or at least redact your address before copies are released.  Beyond that the procedure is routine.

Practical steps to keep in mind or consider:

• Open up a PO Box in your current name.
• Keep saving to build a solid financial cushion.
• Start laser or electrolysis sessions while still at home.
• Finish your degree then relocate to a state with strong non-discrimination laws and good surgeons.
• Buy health insurance now in your new name or later when you leave home.
• Change your name and documents when you feel it is safe to do so.
• Update all documents in a single burst once you are living independently.

Thoughtful planning and implementation can give you the safety, security and privacy that you need while changing your life around.  You are already gathering resources and that puts you well ahead of the curve.

Once you feel comfortable here, it would be appreciated if you add a little bit more about yourself in the Introductions Forum, of course.  I would appreciate it very much as, I'm always interested in learning something new about new members

In addition members of Susan's will more than likely will discuss problems or issues that are similar to yours as most have experienced these as well.

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Take care and all the best for the future.

Once again, Welcome to Susan's Place!

Best Wishes Always
Sarah B
Global Moderator
@Devlyn  @Jessica_Rose  @Mariah  @Northern Star Girl  @Lori Dee
@MaleToFujoshi

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