Does the argument that we're "choosing this" really hold water?

[CosmicJoke]

Hi everyone. It seems alot of times the people who hate us and oppress us the most claim that we "chose" to be transgender. They also claim that it's not really natural.

I don't get it simply because if sex was the only determining factor of gender and gender identity really is a choice then wouldn't everyone be changing theirs?

That argument just confuses me so I just decided to start a thread I guess. Any additional thoughts would be appreciated!

[big kim]

It chose me. I had hoped that I wouldn't  have to deal with  transition. I  am too much of a  coward to have  committed  suicide but I hoped  I would be  killed in a fight or car or motorcycle  accident. 

[Maid Marion]

I find that my mannerisms and body language are very confusing to others if I present as male yet very understandable presenting female.

It is great to be able to order stuff at the seafood counter and have the fishmonger understand you perfectly, right down to addressing you as "miss."

[Athena]

Sure I chose this, I chose not to kill myself.

[KathyLauren]

Research is ongoing, but the state of knowledge at the moment is that gender identity is biological.  Biological sex is between the legs, and biological gender is between the ears.  We don't have a choice: we are born this way.

The only choice is what to do about it.  Some people deny it.  Fine for them if they can make it work.  Some people handle it with therapy alone.  Some handle it with lifestyle changes.  Some handle it medically.  Those are all choices that we make.  But the basic fact of being born with gender and sex that don't match is something we have no control over.

[Sarah B]

Hi Everyone

Does the argument that we are "choosing this" really hold water?
I never chose anything about who I am.  That means I never chose the label transgender; I never have and I never will.  I never chose to be female either.  I only knew I was a female after living as a woman for more than twenty one years.

One childhood memory proves this to me and the connection only revealed itself when I realised I had always been female, just recently.  I was digging through a pile of clothes searching for something feminine and in that instant without conscious thought I felt completely at home.  That moment tells me I was already female long before I could name it.

Even if gender were purely a conscious decision I would still choose to be female.  I keep my past private so I do not face discrimination.  People cannot reject what they never know and since I only knew I was a female myself there is nothing to disclose.

When someone calls my life "not natural," not that anybody has, I remind myself that nature is not perfect; chromosomes and bodies do not always align with who we are.  My genes will never read XX yet surgery has already shaped my body to match my identity and there is nothing left to fix.  I accept myself exactly as I am because mind and body now stand in harmony.

Some say questioning thoughts are unavoidable yet I never wrestled with doubts about who I was.  Instead I asked myself what I wanted and then I pursued it.  I could not get enough of life as Sarah so I followed that path without overthinking.

So does the claim that we simply "choose" this stand up? Yes and no.  Yes because I would always choose to live as the woman I am.  No because gender is innate and unchanging for me.  That apparent yes or no split is a true dichotomy yet the two sides fit once you see that choice shapes how openly I live and at the same time reflects who I have always been.

Best Wishes Always
Sarah B
Global Moderator

[Dances With Trees]

Sometimes, during flights of fancy when all the woes of 'why me, Lord' and the need to shout 'I am' fade into silence, I think to myself: why wouldn't any normal elderly male want to experience, if only for a time, being a woman? I mean, Tiresias loved it. I have never contemplated suicide due to my gender variance, but I feel as though I have endured a thousand deaths every time someone I love turned their back to me because of my asserted femineity. Now, when that happens, I no longer fall into despair; I put on a pretty dress and go about the business of being me. Athena, Big Kim, Maid Marion, Kathy Lauren, and Sarah B--thank you for sharing your responses to CosmicJoke's question. I've been seeking an answer since I was four years old and wore one of my sister's dresses for the first time. She doesn't remember that moment, but I will never forget it. None of us will.     

[Sarah B]

Hi Dances With Trees

You said:

Now, when that happens, I no longer fall into despair; I put on a pretty dress and go about the business of being me. Athena, Big Kim, Maid Marion, Kathy Lauren, and Sarah B--thank you for sharing your responses to CosmicJoke's question. I've been seeking an answer since I was four years old and wore one of my sister's dresses for the first time. She doesn't remember that moment, but I will never forget it. None of us will.

No thank you and you are more than welcome.  Doing what makes you happy is the key and you have certainly seen what happens when you follow what you want to do.  As for me, I have never regretted what I have done, will be eternally grateful to my surgeon and have lived my life in contentment and happiness as a result.

You now understand that memory you have from when you were four years old.  You may not have known why you felt happy at the time, but that moment shows a part of who you are has been present since childhood.  Just as I only recently realised that my search for feminine clothes meant for me, that I had always been female.

Take care and all the best for the future.

Best Wishes Always
Sarah B
Global Moderator
@Dances With Trees