Would you get this surgery if...

[Sarah B]

Hi Sephirah

You said,

Yeah, this is quite important. You can't apply one thing to everyone. I kind of feel like I have a read on Sarah (she's kind of awesome, honestly) and she is just happy being herself. It isn't correcting a flaw as much as it is facilitating a life. Because that's just how it is. Whatever it takes to be happy. To not think about it, or justify it. To just be. And to be happy to just be.

Sometimes unhappiness isn't the catalyst. It's just... "this is who I am". Rather than "this is who I am not".

Yeah, what you said Sephirah, especially the last sentence.

Best Wishes Always
Sarah B
Global Moderator
@Sephirah

[Tills]

I wanted to shower, dress, visit a doctor or sit at the beach without reminders of what was down there that did not belong [...] My experience sits entirely outside the incongruence centred model. 

Hi Sarah,

Don't the things you mention relate a little to incongruence?

Hugs xx

[Tills]

Yeah, this is quite important. You can't apply one thing to everyone. I kind of feel like I have a read on Sarah (she's kind of awesome, honestly) and she is just happy being herself. It isn't correcting a flaw as much as it is facilitating a life. Because that's just how it is. Whatever it takes to be happy. To not think about it, or justify it. To just be. And to be happy to just be.

Sometimes unhappiness isn't the catalyst. It's just... "this is who I am". Rather than "this is who I am not".

Yes and we're probably hair-splitting with the problem revolving around that word 'incongruence'. It's a negative word and its antonym 'congruent' is a bit Ivy League.

Incongruence may be the medical / WPATH / whatever gatekeepery terminology but with my counsellor we prefer the word Alignment.

I've been non-aligned but there's also the much more positive aspect about being aligned. I also like the idea that Alignment encompasses so much more than gender issues. It's about whole being: for instance I wish to be in alignment with Nature so that my body-soul-spirit are aligned with the energies of the universe. I see Alignment as an overall state of being of which gender is one part. I also like the way in which this gives a little perspective to the gender journey. It's one part of a greater whole.

Something which everyone comments on about me is that I exude female energy. This is important to me. The body is  an outer expression of an inner truth.

xx

[Sarah B]

Hi Tills

You said,

Hi Sarah,

Don't the things you mention relate a little to incongruence?

Hugs xx

No, I never experienced incongruence or distress about my body.  I never hated what I had.  Earlier I wrote, "I wanted to shower, dress, visit a doctor or sit at the beach without reminders of what was down there that did not belong."  I should clarify that I did not personally think of those thoughts at the time.  They were a metaphor borrowed from common examples people give rather than a literal report of discomfort or dysphoria in my case.  Those scenarios describe what others may feel but they have never reflected my own feelings.  In my life those thoughts never occurred so I do not regard my experience as incongruence.

When I was a child a brief incident already showed that I was a female even though I did not understand it then and only recently have I connected that memory with who I am today.  I never expressed my gender before I changed my life around and even today I do not need to because it is simply accepted that I am female.

During those years I only thought about my anatomy twice, each time for barely a minute or two, both moments coming before I changed my life around.  I lay on my bed placed what I had between my legs and thought, "this feels right" then forgot about it.  In the two years that followed before surgery the topic never crossed my mind at all.  I suppose or perhaps unconsciously I wanted it removed as I moved toward surgery.  I tucked only because a female body would not have carried that feature.

There was absolutely no distress whatsoever.  Modern terminology might insist on calling it incongruence yet the sensation was so brief and insignificant, lasting only a few minutes in total across my entire life, that I cannot honestly regard it as incongruence in any meaningful sense.  Those words we use today did not exist back then so I never labelled the feeling at the time.

The amount of time I spent thinking about all of this was virtually non-existent.  I was simply living my life as a female without realizing it until my current knowledge and language caught up with me and helped me understand what had happened across all those years.

Again, I have never suffered incongruence at any time.

Best Wishes Always
Sarah B
Global Moderator
PS I edited the first paragraph to directly address the incongruence issues that Tills directly quoted.
@Tills

[Allie Jayne]

Hi Sarah, as I said in my post, we are all different! For most of us, transition, and especially undergoing surgery, is driven by significant unhappiness for our birth physiology. Your situation does seem unique!

I used the term incongruence as introduced by the WHO in 2018, and has since been picked up by other bodies. Alignment is another term, but to me, it infers congruence. Our experiences with incongruence, or misalignment can vary greatly, some of us experience extreme stress from it, while many never recognise it, or blame their frustrations on other life experiences. Generally, the prerequisites for genital surgery have been to have demonstrated and persistent unhappiness with birth physiology, so it would be rare for someone with no incongruence to qualify for surgery.

Hugs,

Allie

[Maid Marion]

I don't need surgery for my social transition.  It is quite obvious that most people treat me as a woman.  The lady at the pro golf shop told me that she was going to have a mammogram after work that day!  I remarked that she was going to have her boobs squished.  She didn't have anyone else to talk about that but I think my remark helped relieve some of her anxiety.  I certainly get anxious anytime I have medical tests done.

Marion

[Tills]

It's probably all something of a spectrum and we are indeed all different. I'm not sure you necessarily have to hate your parts to be considered incongruent? As Allie says, it's close to the idea of alignment so it's a sense of being mis-aligned, not fitting, not harmonious, not suited. The latter is quite a good word for those who see gender expression as the outer clothing. If you want to approach it from the more positive perspective ' this is what I know is right' I don't see a problem with that. More of a, 'this is what is aligned' rather than 'this is non-aligned'.

Some of us hate what was down below. Others just know it's not right. Allie's "significant unhappiness" is a very good way of putting it. Whether you approach that from the negative about ridding yourself or from the positive about embracing, seems to me to be part of the same colour palette.

I wasn't going to share this but it seems appropriate here, so I will. The other day my laser hair removal lady, whilst she was working down below, asked me, 'Are you going to miss it?' It was an interesting question and I paused before replying. What I eventually said was, 'I'm really looking forward to having a vagina, to completing my female anatomy.' In other words, more about congruence than incongruence, or alignment than non-alignment. @Sephirah put it perfectly: 'Sometimes unhappiness isn't the catalyst. It's just... "this is who I am". Rather than "this is who I am not"'

I feel as if I'm repeating myself without adding much so I'll graciously step out at this point

xx