Alana's Journey

[ChrissyRyan]

I think that wanting to look like an attractive woman is certainly reasonable but we if MTFs should be sure that we are not simply enamored at that attractive appearance.  We can be women because of an overwhelming force that simply makes us realize that we are women but in the wrong bodies.  Wanting to look attractive is fine of course.  But most woman are not that gorgeous.

It is hard to say it in words other than that.

Maybe another way to say it is that many a crossdresser enjoys looking like a woman but they have no interest in being a woman.  Us MTF transsexuals are women.  Sure we enjoy women's fashions and appearing as a woman, but we have the gender of a woman.

So a crossdresser may wish he looked like an attractive woman.  A MTF transsexual wants to have the body she always should have had, and seeing an attractive woman can bring on gender dysphoria.

Eventually some of us MTFs realize that we may not ever look that super attractive.  We still may get some envy or dysphoria, but we enjoy living as a woman to whatever extent we can regardless.  Beauty is not everything as the saying goes.

I do not know how to say to convey this any differently that makes sense.

I already have deep difficulty dealing with someone who makes a statement that "you cannot be a woman just because you think you are.  Your bones, DNA, etc, clearly identify you as a man forever, not matter what you think."  How do you reply to that?  Any suggestions?

My feelings get hurt when I hear this as I cannot logically dispute that male at birth confirmation but can say that I truly believe that I am a woman.  No, it is not a mental defect.

Be strong.  Always strive for clarity of your gender thoughts.  Behave sensibly to not give anyone any valid reason to not like us.  The overwhelming majority of us are very good people, not weirdos that have become an unfortunate stereotype of many.

P.S. The trans spectrum is wide.  If some wish to be a crossdresser and never are MTFs, well, that is okay for them.  There are no levels or superiority of trans categories here!  We are each our own. 


Hugs,


Chrissy

[Lori Dee]

I already have deep difficulty dealing with someone who makes a statement that "you cannot be a woman just because you think you are.  Your bones, DNA, etc, clearly identify you as a man forever, not matter what you think."  How do you reply to that?  Any suggestions?

My reply: I am not a woman "just because I think I am". I think I am a woman because I was born that way. You cannot know anything about my medical history. When did you look at my DNA? I don't live my life to suit your concept of what a woman should look like. Maybe do some reading and learn about various genetic mutations, endocrine disorders, and what the difference is between sex and gender.

The people who make these types of comments are largely "uneducated" about the topic they are trying to discuss. You know more than they do. If they are interested in learning, they will ask polite questions. If they are just making comments, ignore them. Or tell them to zip up because their intelligence is showing. No, don't do that. Stay safe and don't provoke them.

[Alana Ashleigh]

For decades, there have been complaints about how the media pushes upon young women how they should look. The cosmetics industry is making a fortune on our discomfort. Don't buy into the hype.

This is something I've mentioned to my therapist. I never paid attention to stuff like this before I started transitioning.

[Lori Dee]

That is because in "male mode," it was irrelevant. Now, we pay attention to how women look, and we feel we should look the best possible. That is perfectly normal. But again, don't focus on where you want to be. Look at how far you have come.

[Alana Ashleigh]

That is because in "male mode," it was irrelevant. Now, we pay attention to how women look, and we feel we should look the best possible. That is perfectly normal. But again, don't focus on where you want to be. Look at how far you have come.

I feel better after reading this. I sometimes I have a hard time understanding why I'm feeling a certain way. This explains it perfectly.

[Lilis]

Lilis,

The thing the seems to trigger my dysphoria the most is very attractive, and shapely women.

Hey Alana,

Thanks for opening up, sometimes just saying it out loud gets it out of your system, and that's a little victory in itself! 😊

Lori and Chrissy cover so much that's awesome, and I just wanted to share a concept my therapist introduced to me.

It really helped me at the time, and I hope it might be useful for you too.

It sounds like your heart is recognizing a reflection of who you already are. I know that might not make sense right now it didn't for me either at first.

Here's a gentler breakdown:

Recognition means that what you see in another woman is real, and it stirs something true inside you, like a mirror of your own identity or desire.

So when a woman's beauty or presence makes your dysphoria flare, it's not that you want to be her exactly...

...it's that she's expressing something within you that you're still in the process of embodying.

That feeling of pain or longing is often just your own femininity calling out, saying, "I'm here too. I'm real."

Smile 😊, I hope this helps and makes sense.


~ Lilis 🌷🦇